Instruction Manual for Kids

Sometimes I think that someone in the pre-existence must have given my children an instruction manual on how to get under my skin. I'm pretty sure it was authored by Luce E. Fur, and was cleverly disguised as a self-help book for dealing with earth life. It has taken me 6+ years to figure out its contents (and I will admit that it probably contains things I have yet to discover). I am sure it includes things like:

• The Magnet Principle. As soon as your mother sits down, situate yourself as close to her as possible. You will find the most enjoyment if you are touching her; don't be afraid to sit on her lap, even if it is already occupied by a sibling. This rule only applies to your mother, you will find no such enjoyment crowding around your father when he is sitting down.
• The Proximity Principle I. The moment you witness your mother going into the kitchen, even if it's just to put something in the trash, you will suddenly realize that you are hungry. You will follow her into the kitchen, asking if it's time to eat. It doesn't matter what time of day it is, or how recently you ate, you will be hungry when your mother is in the kitchen.
• The Selective Hearing Principle. You should learn very early on to only hear those things you choose to; that way, when your mother gets angry with you because your room is still a mess, yet she claims to have asked you to clean it at least a dozen times, you will be able to honestly reply, "I didn't hear you." You will quickly learn which things you want to hear, and which things you want to tune out. You should be slow to hear any prompts to do work of any kind, but should be able to hear the announcement that it's time for dessert from any corner of the house.
• The Proximity Principle II. Generally, you will be incredibly well-behaved while your mom is away. Your babysitters will believe, erroneously, that you and your siblings are wonderful children who never cry or do something worthy of earning a timeout. But the moment your mom walks in the door, it will trigger tears and tantrums out of nowhere. You should stand in front of her, holding your hands up to be held, and cry until she reaches down, rolling her eyes, to pick you up.
  
• The Antonym Principle. Learn quickly that when you ask for something and are denied, your mother really meant "yes" when she said "no." Go ahead and help yourself to whatever it is you want, and act surprised when you get in trouble. Respond with, "today is opposite day," which may get you out of trouble.
  
• The Fashion Principle. As soon as you are old enough, insist that you dress yourself. Only choose things that you know don't go together, and which you know embarrasses your mom beyond belief when you wear in public. Also, change your clothes several times throughout the day, but only after you have gotten each outfit dirty enough that it can't be worn again. Cry every time you see a brush coming your way, forcing your mother to give in to your fashion sense to keep her sanity.
• The Illness Principle. When you are sick, even the least bit, lay on the floor, moaning like the end is near. Use your illness as an excuse not to go to school or church or as a reason not to have to go to bed. Refuse to eat or drink anything other than ice cream or juice and spend the day crying and whining to prove that you are, in fact, not yourself. You will find that you will receive extra sympathy (and probably will be offered ice cream and juice to avoid starvation) , and will probably even get to have your binky and "comfort object" with you all day long.

What am I forgetting? I'm sure I will continue to uncover principles found in this "out-of-print" instruction manual, and may be able to recreate it all some day. We have recently been dealing with The Illness Principle, as Damon and Kyla have been sick all last week with croup. Damon missed two days of school and Kyla is still wheezing like Darth Vador (minus the cool James Earl Jones voiceover). They have both been pretty miserable, and I have been letting KyKy have her binky and cow whenever she wants.

This got me thinking about my kids' comfort objects. Damon had an elephant named "Ernie" that played "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" when you pulled his string. He loved that elephant, even after we had to removed the music box so Ernie could go into the washer. I was looking through old pictures, sure there would be a lot with Ernie in Damon's arms, and was surprised to only find two in which he makes an appearance. This one is from October 2003. He is with Greg A., one of Jeff's 259 buddies. I'm convinced that it was Greg and Tammy's love of Damon's cheeks that led to their daughter, Emma's, own jowls.

The second picture you can see Ernie (and Baby Ernie) behind Damon (also October 2003). After big Ernie got lost in the Las Vegas airport, Baby Ernie was a good substitute. When Baby Ernie was lost in another airport, and a search online found no good replacement, Damon quickly grew out of his need for a comfort object.

Allie, on the other hand, didn't develop a close bond with her comfort object until just over a year ago. She always loved her baby Bexley, but when she got her new bed and bedding, she really fell in love. Allie's comfort object is her pillow. I was surprised again to find that we only had one picture with the pillow, and it is, again, a background object. This is from June 2008 at Grandma Karen's house. It is the rainbow one on the couch, behind all the grandkids playing with grandma.


Just like Damon loved to rub Ernie's tail between his fingers, Allie loves to rub the corners of her pillow while she falls asleep. I took this picture a couple of days ago, after I realized that we had so little documentation of the beloved pillow. This wasn't posed, this is how she lays on the pillow.


Like I said before, Kyla loves her cow ("dow" as she calls it). She will suck on her finger as soon as she sees the cow, so she also still gets to have her binky at bed time and nap time. It's got the head of a cow, but the body is more like a fleece blanket. Too bad they didn't have one in pink.

She still sounds terrible (like an asthmatic having an attack), but doesn't act too miserable. Maybe it's because she gets "dow" and "btee-btee" so much during the day. Hopefully this week goes better. Otherwise she may have to BE Darth Vador for Halloween. At least that would explain the wheezing.

Birthday Boy

Of all the random blogs I have come across while blog surfing, there is only one I read regularly. A Backwards Attraction by a girl named Liz. She is a great writer and I feel like I know her, even though she knows nothing about me (I did make a comment once, but that hardly counts). A few months ago, she wrote a post for her husband's birthday, about what she would do for him if she could give him the perfect birthday. I loved it, and I am totally "borrowing" her idea, but am giving her credit for it.

Saturday was Jeff's birthday. We were on our way home from Arches National Park, where we had spent the last two days, and I asked him, "Is this the way you would choose to spend your birthday?," sort of joking. He answered seriously, "yes." He has never been one to want to celebrate much, especially when it's his birthday, but I have a hard time just letting it go without much notice. So, for you Jeff, here is what I would give you if I could give you the perfect birthday.

We'd wake up early, before sunrise, in some exotic location, like the Dominican Republic. We would visit somewhere amazing, and be the only two people for miles around. You, of course, would take fabulous photos of our surroundings, and you wouldn't have to fight anyone else for the best possible spot. We'd spend the rest of the morning exploring, and I would never get bored while you rambled off every historical fact you know about our destinations.

After lunch, we would magically be transported back home, where we would find that Ty and the gang had built our dream home, free of charge, and moved all of our things in for us. There would be a sweet new SUV in the garage, one that doesn't need any gasoline at all, but can still go 80 miles an hour on the freeway. After drooling over that fora while, we would spend a couple of hours with the kids. They would all be perfectly well-behaved; Damon would be your willing buddy in any hike you had planned, Allie would entertain us with a hilarious story, and Kyla would magically forget the word "no," and instead, constantly say, "sure" with a huge smile on her face.

After that, we would leave the kids and again be transported to Phoenix, where you would reunite with your 259 buddies. You boys would have several hours to catch up(time has no relevance in perfect birthday world), and you wouldn't lose any rounds of the Dice Game. We'd all enjoy a nice, free dinner (also there is no money needed in perfect birthday world) of steak, lobster and king crab, and we would still have room for dessert (a selection of the world's finest fruit pies for you, something with peanut butter and chocolate for me).

After dinner, we would sit courtside as the Suns won the NBA championship, and would join in the celebration. It wouldn't last long, though, as we would have to make our way to another arena, where 259 would be the opening act at a U2 concert, which you would watch backstage, only feet away from Bono. You would have time to enjoy all your favorite songs before we were suddenly whisked away to Wrigley Field in Chicago, where we would watch the Cubs win the World Series for the first time in nearly 100 years. We would also enjoy a deep dish pizza from Gino's, suddenly finding that we were hungry again. Immediately following the game we would be transported again to the BCS national championship game, where BYU would win their first national championship since 1984.

If you hadn't collapsed with excitement, we would finish the night at a swanky resort in Mexico, where a hot tub, a bikini, and a pair of scissors were waiting for us. Then we would fall asleep in a perfect bed, knowing you would have the best night's sleep you had ever had. And I wouldn't even make you snuggle with me. When you woke in the morning, it would be a little sad, knowing that your perfect day was over, but there would be one last surprise waiting for us when we got back home to our brand new house. There would be a new cell phone tower in Springville, and you would be able to receive calls on your iPhone.

Happy birthday Jeff! I can't promise I can ever give you your perfect day, but as I was writing this, I couldn't help but feel grateful that so much of what you love includes me.

Allie B

Last Monday for FHE we took a scenic drive on the Nebo Loop to see the fall leaves. Jeff wanted to go take some pictures, and I coerced him to take some of the kids, so we could use them for Christmas cards this year. We did get some good pictures that we will probably be using, and I will post our favorites after we have chosen which ones we like. These are a couple that we aren't using, but I love them. I love this one of Damon with the fuzzy background. Jeff told me what he did to get that effect, but I can't remember what he said. I'm glad he is into learning about photography, and I hope our family will benefit from his knowledge for many years to come.


This next picture is quite possibly our new favorite one ever. Jeff was just getting ready to start shooting the kids and asked Damon and Allie to pose. Damon obliged happily, but Allie wasn't into it. It's so typical of these two, and we just crack up when we look at it. You probably know Allie well enough from reading my blog to understand why it's so classic.


I have been reminding myself (almost daily) why I love this little girl and telling myself I'm going to be so sad when she has grown up a little (although Jeff is wishing she would grow up a little faster). Here are some things I love about Allie, lest you think she is the devil's love child:

1. She is such a conversationalist. I think she says the funniest things and I'm always cracking up just listening to her. She is also really good when it comes to expressing her feelings, even if she doesn't always use the right words. She told me, "reading books is too boring," in a voice that told me it was too hard. She was getting frustrated and said, "I'm so disappointed!" and, while not exactly what she was trying to say, I understood.
   
2. She is petrified of getting cavities. Jeff may have explained in a little too much detail what happens when kids have to have cavities filled, and she will rush to the bathroom to scrub her teeth after eating something with sugar in it.
3. She is the ultimate food taster. She wants to try everything, but rarely finishes anything (including desserts). She just can't pass up the opportunity to try something that looks good.
4. She loves V8 and is constantly sneaking upstairs to grandma's pantry to pilch a few cans for snack time.
   
5. She is great at entertaining herself while Kyla is napping, which is so nice for me.
   
6. She loves music and is always impressing me with her knowledge of pop culture. I was listening to the new David Cook song on my Playlist, and she said, "Is this David Cook?" I was blown away. I tested her on a few more, and she is pretty good about identifying Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift and any other well known song on the radio right now.
   
7. She is also a great singer. She knows a lot of songs and sings with such feeling! She was belting out the two lines of "Connected" from Barbie and the Diamond Castle that she knows at the park last week and I just sat back and smiled.
8. She is very self-confident. She thinks she is great at everything, even when her performance doesn't really back it up. I love that about her. She is so pleased with everything she does.
9. She has a great imagination and "reads" herself great stories. For some reason, she loves chapter books with no pictures, and I find them in her bed sometimes. I don't quite understand it, but it's always fun to hear what she's going to say next.
10. She loves being a girl. She loves makeup, phones, changing her clothes all day long, playing with babies and cooking in her kitchen. It's incredibly obvious that girls and boys are born with inherent differences and she is going to be an awesome mother someday.

Well, it wasn't really that hard to come up with 10 things I love about Allie, which just goes to show that even my biggest challenge comes with a lot of blessings. I'm glad for that reminder.

K-k-k-karma

Just the other day I was commenting on Heather W.'s post about escaping an enormous library fine, and now karma is catching up to me. I was bragging about how several times I have thwarted the "replacement fee" by purchasing my own copy of the damaged item (computer game, music cd), and returning it to the library without penalty. I might as well have dialed the Springville Library and left a threatening message, daring them to catch me.

Today, after returning a stack of books (not including Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you See?, which was still at home needing to have some pages taped back in), I was getting ready to check out another stack and scanned my card. Up popped the following warning in red letters: Fine: $24.99. I nearly laughed out loud, wondering what in the world had caused such an awful mistake. I took my card to the lady behind the desk and was greeted there by another librarian, the one who checks the books in (librarian #1 from now on). She showed me a copy of The Very Hungry Caterpillar that I had returned that day and explained to me that it was ruined and I would have to pay for it.

I was taken aback. I couldn't think of a single thing that had happened to that book (remember, I hadn't tried to return Brown Bear), and so she opened the book and proceeded to show me food stains on a few pages. She then showed me that a couple of pages were stuck together at the bottom and when she tried to unstick them, she had ripped a page. Two other pages was still stuck together, and she feared trying to unstick them, declaring the book was no longer able to be circulated and needed to be replaced.

I tried to get out of it. I asked if I could take the book home and work on it, sure that I would be able to get the pages unstuck and cleaned up enough to pass inspection, but was denied. A second librarian agreed that the book was ruined, but that after I paid for it, I would be able to keep it. Oh goodie, that makes me feel better. Since I didn't have my wallet on me, I told her I would have to come back later (preferrably after I thought of another plan). She asked librarian #1 (fast becoming my best friend) if I could still check out books, and she replied with a sigh, "Not any more than five. We shouldn't let her check out any."

Now, with tears starting to form in my eyes, I said, "I'll come back later," and walked outside, trying to figure out what I was going to do. Noel was outside with the kids, and I discussed the situation with her. I was a little mad at myself for not checking the book earlier so that I could do one of two things: 1. clean the book and get it in circulating order again, or 2. buying one from half.com for a couple of dollars and pulling the ol' switcheroo. But mostly I was just mad, as I couldn't see any way out of paying for it, so I went to the car to get my wallet.

When I got back inside, librarian #2 was there to help me, telling me again and again how sorry she was. Librarian #3 piped up, "At least you're getting a good book." Internally, I rolled my eyes, but she had a point. At least I wasn't stuck with Eloise Takes a Bawth or some other book that I can't stand (no offense to Eloise, but a story about a girl who takes a bath at a hotel and causes millions of dollars in damage because she lets the water overflow everywhere just isn't very funny). If I was going to pay $24.99 for ANY book, at least it was one we all love. Still, though, I couldn't stop the tears from spilling out onto my cheeks, and I ducked down to talk to Kyla, hoping no one else would notice. Librarian #3 asked if my husband was the orthodontist who had such beautiful flowers outside his office, and I knew she was thinking that if my huband owned that office, we must be loaded, and I shouldn't care so much about a piddly little library book. I said yes and thank you for complimenting his flowers, not bothering to explain that it's really Jeff's brother's office and that he's just an employee there (and therefore, NOT loaded), and it is still a big deal that I'm having to buy the book.

So, it was a rough morning. I came home and taped Brown Bear, Brown Bear back together, and now I'm crossing my fingers that we don't have a repeat episode next week. There were some pages already taped together when we checked it out, so I'm guessing it will be alright, but that brings up another question: apparently it's not a big deal to tape pages back in, but it's not okay to have food stains on pages? I don't understand the logic. But I do understand karma. And I will refrain from any more "braggy" comments from now on. Now, I need to decide which of the kids is going to be getting a slightly used copy of The Very Hungry Caterpillar for Christmas.

Long, boring journal entry about cleaning

We had a great weekend. Conference weekend is always a little like Christmas; we eat a ton of yummy food and never change out of our pajamas or make our beds. Of course the kids don't appreciate President Monson the same way they do Santa Claus, then again, once they find out the truth about Santa, that will probably change.

When we lived in Florida, Noel would bring cinnamon rolls over on Conference weekend and we would snack on them all day. Since we moved here, I thought it would be fun to continue the tradition. Especially when I found an awesome recipe using my bread machine (Thanks Tricia!). Seriously, these are yummy. You can find the recipe HERE. The kids had a good time helping me (Damon rolling out the dough, Allie mixing the cinnamon and sugar together, then spilling half of it on the kitchen floor), and we enjoyed them Sunday evening.

President Monson's talk about change was an especially meaningful one to me. I felt like he was talking right to me when he mentioned the fingerprints that cover every surface and the stacks of laundry that need to be washed (please tell me I'm not the only one!). I really loved how he encouraged us to make the most of today so we don't have any regrets when the children are gone. I know I want to do better with that. But I have also been reflecting on all the changes that have taken place just since Jeff and I got married and how our lives continue to change.

When we first got married, we lived in a tiny apartment close to campus. It was great and perfect for us. I made the comment early on that we would never live somewhere smaller than that, but would need more and more space as the children came. Even when we moved in with Jeff's parents the first time, we had just as much, if not more, space in the "love loft" as in our Cambridge Court apartment. When we moved to Ohio, we bought a 2 bedroom condo for $42,500. It was just under 900 square feet and sported the tiniest kitchen I had ever seen. And we were happy there. Damon was two months old when we moved in, and when we left, four years later, we had added Allie to the family. We were definitely beginning to outgrow our little condo, and I was anxious to get into something with three bedrooms before we thought about another baby.

In Jacksonville, we were lucky enough to rent from the best landlord ever--Jeff's dad. He bought a 3 bedroom house (our first time not sharing walls with anyone else!) and we thought we were moving into a mansion. We had plenty of space, even with baby Kyla, and I never felt crowded (well, except that one time my ENTIRE family came to visit. That was a great time, but it was crowded). And back here in Springville, in the basement, we have just as much living space as we did in Florida (and here we even have an "extra" bedroom for Kyla, aka, the storage room). It's perfect for us now, and really, we would be fine to stay here for quite a while, even if we were to have baby #4 join us (don't tell Jeff that, though, because I told him I really want to be in our own house before we have another baby. That gives us over 9 months, though, so hopefully that will happen).

Now, though, we are contemplating the biggest move yet (maybe ever). We want to buy a house that we can grow into, possibly staying in forever, if we love the neighborhood, schools, ward, etc. This is a big commitment, but I have talked to so many people who planned on being in a house for 5 years or so, but are still there because as kids get older, it's harder and harder to move. So I would prefer to buy a house that we can grow into, and won't feel small in a few years. And, while that's very exciting, it's also very scary. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I mean, I'm ready for the house, but I don't know if I'm ready to clean it.

I have never been the perfect housekeeper. My mom was quick to warn Jeff about how disastrous my bedroom was as a teenager (to be fair, Heather and I did share a small room and most of the mess was always clothes), and not to expect too much out of me. But for those of you who know my mom, you know she is a big time cleaner. She can scrub and scour with the best of them. And she always did her big cleaning on Saturday, especially Saturday night, so the house was spotless Sunday morning. She said she liked to start the day off right by inviting the Spirit to be there. It makes sense, and it was nice to wake up to a clean house, with Janice Kapp Perry playing in the background.

But I have come to realize that the messiest my house gets is always Sunday night. No one wants to clean on Sunday (when I say no one, I mean myself, of course), and long days with everyone home mean things get trashed. So, the most logical day to clean is Monday. That way I don't have to worry about how messy things get on Sunday, because I know I'll take care of it on Monday. So, I decided to make a change and do all the cleaning on one day. I also wanted to prove (to myself) that I will be able to handle the kind of house we are trying to buy (oh, and the fact that I want to keep my in-laws basement from getting destroyed helps out in my motivation). I hope that I'll be able to. Cleaning just the basement (and doing the laundry) takes, on average, five hours. But I'm usually okay with that, because I don't have anything else planned on Monday and I love the way the house looks (and smells) when I am done. I'm not sure that proves that I am ready for my own house, but hopefully it is a step in the right direction.

If I have to give myself a grade on how well I am doing in the cleaning department, it would be a B. Is that enough to get me the new house? Will that translate to a C in a bigger place (or worse)? Right now, today, I am feeling very grateful that we are here with the Trapnell's. Not only are we saving a lot of money, but I can rest easy knowing I don't have to worry about things like house payments. And scrubbing one more bathroom.

p.s. We are still looking at two houses in Springville. Both are brand new, never been lived in, and are short sales, which we are learning a lot about. Really, when listing a house as a short sale, the realtor should add in parentheses (there's nothing short about it. You'll be waiting for weeks or months to hear anything). At least then you wouldn't get your hopes up every few days. But we're hopeful that one of the two houses will work out, and that we won't be here until next fall. :) I'll let you know when I know.

Fall

Fall is definitely in the air. At least in the mornings, as we have still been getting up to around 90 in the afternoons, but I feel it coming. And the leaves are starting to change. It's magical. We have missed it. Fall is awesome in Ohio. Summer and spring are gray and cloudy, and winter is cold and miserable, but fall just about makes up for it. I'm not looking forward to winter, but I am really excited for fall.

Allie started a gymnastics class once a week at the Mapleton rec center. The best part is what she chooses to wear. This purple number is my favorite. Her teacher is helping her slide her hands across the bar. It's been really fun, but I must admit that she has been more emotional than I expected her to be. It's as if it's Damon sitting there, scared to participate, instead of Allie. But she's getting more used to it now and I think it's good for her.

Damon finished up his soccer season last night. Jeff and I were both amazed at how much he has progressed in just a few short weeks. He even managed to score a few goals, which I never would've thought possible when he started. Last night, all the players on his team got a trophy and you can't imagine how proud he is of it. Jeff wasn't home when he went to bed last night, so he crept in early this morning to show it to him.

He asked me if I have any trophies from when I was a kid and if he could see them. I wonder what I saved...all my stuff is in a box in storage, so we won't be able to get it out and reminisce, but I love that he cares.


These are Damon's cousins that played on the team with him, David and Sammy. You can tell that David was struggling with a bloody nose all day yesterday, and if you look closely, you can see Damon has dried blood on his arm. That's kind of disgusting.

What do you think of this face? Does it say, "don't mess with me?," or what? Kyla has become our little spitfire. She refuses to be pushed around and has learned to throw tantrums by screaming, "NO!" when she isn't happy. It makes me crazy.

But I love watching her personality develop. She is definitely the most adventurous of the kids at this age. She loves being outside, and is surprisingly capable for being so small. I peeked out the window and saw her throwing a tennis ball to the dog two days ago, and yesterday I saw her carrying a rabbit under one arm like she had been holding it for years (both pets are my in-laws, but they are right outside our door, so they feel like they are ours). She loves animals, and gets so excited when she sees them (and rabbit scratches don't seem to slow her down much).

Last weekend we stopped in Brian Head on our way to St. George so our budding photographer (Jeff) could take some landscape pictures. It was quite cold at the top of the mountain, and Allie only lasted long enough to take this picture before she headed back to the van to wait.

Kyla would've outlasted us all. Even though her hands were freezing and her nose was red, she didn't complain at all, but instead was THRILLED to be out of her carseat (which she doesn't care for at all). I love how tough she is, and I hope she will always be willing to tag along with us on fun adventures.