Mom

Lately, there have been a lot of articles circulating on Facebook about being a mother. Two in particular have been shared frequently and beautifully describe what it feels like to be a mother. There's nothing like it in the world. Nothing as maddening, nothing as wonderful, nothing as hard, nothing as rewarding. And while my life is crazy and sometimes I wonder how I'm going to do everything, I wouldn't want to do anything else.

I know I've written about this in the past, but I think it's worth mentioning again. One of the articles I read talks about enjoying the special moments (as opposed to enjoying EVERY moment), and I really feel like I try to do that. I don't always succeed, but I really do enjoy my kids. All five of them. And I wouldn't want to do anything else.

When I think about the last 9+ years I have spent as a mother, three distinct memories come to mind. They were experiences when I was instantly struck with how lucky I was to be a mom. None of them was anything big. Just a gentle nudge reminding me to be grateful for what I have.

The first was when Damon was about two. It was after I had lost Chance, and was trying to get pregnant again. I was trying to deal with the fact that I might never have another baby (dramatic conclusion I had reached, I know) and if that was the case, I needed to spend more time focused on the perfect little boy we had already been blessed with instead of feeling sorry for myself because of the boy we had lost. It was on such a day that I took Damon to the library (something we did at least weekly, sometimes more). I was holding his hand as we walked on the sidewalk toward the door. I looked over at the brick facade of the library and saw our reflection--mom and tiny son walking hand in hand--and I was suddenly emotional. It was like someone was trying to remind me just how lucky I was to be able to spend my days as Damon's mom. And I didn't want to do anything else.

A couple of years later, we had moved to Florida and we had added Allie and Kyla to the family, proving that my fears about having a healthy baby again were completely unfounded. It was a Sunday and we were on our way home from church. We parked in the driveway and walked around to the front door. I was in the back of the group, watching as Jeff and the three kids walked into the house. Again, I was slapped with the reality that I was really a mom, and that we were a real family, not just a couple with a baby. I couldn't help but smile. I was doing what I had always wanted to do. And there was nothing else I wanted to do.

Finally, I had the same moment of realization again when I was pregnant with McKay. We had taken the kids to Pizza Pie Cafe, and I was busy running around trying to get everyone the food they wanted from the buffet so that I could get some food for myself. I was standing in line at the buffet and I glanced back at Jeff and the kids sitting at the table. And when I realized they were all mine, I felt it again. That overwhelming gratitude that comes when you recognize just how much you have been blessed. And that no matter how many hours you spend taking care of everyone's needs but your own, you wouldn't want to do anything else.

10 months

McKay at 10 months (or 5/6ths). Wow, I can't believe he's almost one! When did he get so big (and other cliches you hear from every mom...)

McKay really has gotten to be so much fun. He thinks he is the biggest boy and wants to eat everything in sight. I found a sticker and a small marble in his diaper yesterday. It makes me wonder what else he has swallowed that I haven't found out. He has gotten a lot of hair recently and I don't know what kind of style we're shooting for. It's not as thin as Damon and Carter's hair, so I'm wondering if he can pull off a longer style. We'll see. I usually go with the small faux hawk to church because I'm not crazy about it when it's just sitting on his head like a bad toupee.

Some things of note: I don't know how much he weighs, as I don't plan to take him into the doctor's office until after he is one (no reason to expose him to more germs than necessary). He's a big boy, though, if not as chubby as his brothers were. He is now in 12-18 month clothes, even if the pants are a little long. 6-12 are just too small. 

He still takes two naps a day (one from about 9:30-11:00 and one from 1:00-3:00). He is almost always happy when I go to get him up and is quite content to stay in his crib and play (which I let him do if he wakes up before it's time to get Kyla from preschool). 

He drinks 4 8-oz bottles a day and usually eats two meals. He also snacks on anything he can find, and has yet to have a bad reaction to anything (thankfully)! He loves crawling up the stairs, although he hasn't yet figured out how to come back down (which has resulted in some terrifying moments--for him--as he has fallen down 2-3 stairs). He cruises around furniture and just started standing alone. He has gone maybe 5 seconds max, but is always trying to let go when he stands. He figured out his walker toy and will try that for a few seconds before he bails for his preferred method of crawling.

After a bad December (never ending diaper rash and colds which caused some other weird rash on his face), he is doing better in January. Except for the runny nose that scabbed over and bled every time someone wiped it. That was bad. He finally has healed from that, though, and is back to looking presentable in public. 

He is always babbling, and can repeat sounds (his favorite being "mama."). He can wave hello and good-bye and loves the attention he gets when he does so. He still has no teeth (although his bottom gums are starting to look a little swollen, so I think they  may be coming). He is in size 4 diapers (same as Carter), which is really nice. He also finally stopped leaking and blowing out the back, so maybe I had him size 3 for too long.

He loves to take baths and recently was introduced to the shower, which he doesn't mind. I tried to get a shot of the boys and their cute bums, but they are so busy that they were never standing still for long. This was the best I got.

Carter LOVES him. Truly, and he is always excited to see him when he gets up from his naps (and Carter will frequently tell me "Shh! Bubba's sleeping!").  One of my favorite sounds is to hear the boys laughing together when we are in the car and no other kids are around. It makes the 13.5 month age gap a little more appealing. Carter posed them for this picture. So sweet. 

And here's a cuter one of their sweet faces. 

I decided that I wanted to make McKay a rag quilt, as he is my last baby and I have never made anything for any of them (okay, I did make a crib skirt for Carter, so that's not entirely true. I never made anything for them that they could take and use). It was also my value project for Divine Nature (and definitely took more than 10 hours to complete!). 

 This was a good project for me to do. It was easy enough that I could manage without pulling my hair out (although difficult enough to teach me some good patience. And seam ripping skills). And it's a very forgiving project, hiding a lot of the imperfections that I ended up with. Really, I love it, and I wish I had made one for all my kids. Maybe it's not too late! If I find some flannel and batting on sale, maybe I'll make one for the other four! Here's a close up.

 Carter turns two next week and then we will start our season of birthdays! McKay is March 17, Allie is April 30, Kyla is May 24 and Damon is July 2. Should make for a fun few months around here!

2012 Resolutions

Last year I had a lot of lofty goals. Before I write about the goals I have for this year, let's see how I did last year, shall we?

PHYSICAL

1. My goal is to have a natural birth. 

**I tried my best. I got to the hospital fully dilated, pushed and pushed (and even endured the doctor's forceps in me for a short time), but McKay was not cooperative. SO, I had the epidural. 

2. Post baby, I want to participate in a sprint triathlon. 

**Um, nope. I didn't do that. 

3. Get back to pre-baby weight.

**Nearly there. Just a couple pounds to go, and need to tone up!

MENTAL

1. Read 50 books and write reviews on Goodreads

**I read 40 and wrote reviews on Goodreads

2. Finish my blog book and get scrapbooks caught up

**My blog book got finished, scrapbooks, not so much.

3. Write more. 

**I didn't do much writing at all.

SPIRITUAL

1. Keep up with the New Testament Sunday School lessons, and RS lessons

**I did okay at this, need to do better.

2. Do temple work for 50 people (endowments, initiatory, sealings) and write down all their names

**I didn't write down any of their names, so I have no idea how close I came to this goal. Bad.

3. Index 1,000 names for FamilySearch.

**I did do this. I got around 1200.

EMOTIONAL

1. Learn more techniques for dealing with anxiety and help my kids learn them too

**I read a book that helped me learn some things to teach Allie. I also learned how to get her out of her panicky stage, so that's a great thing.

2. Work hard not to be discouraged. 

**I think I did pretty well at this.

FAMILY

My goal is no more yelling. I will ask nicely, and if I'm ignored, I won't lose my temper.

**Ha! That only lasted for a couple days.

Jeff's goals are to be more patient and to help out more

**He definitely did a great job at this, especially with the helping part.

Damon's is to deal with frustration in ways other than crying

**Damon is doing much better with this.

Allie's is to concentrate and stay focused

**doing better, can still use a little more attention

and Kyla's is to leave Carter alone.

**accomplished this, only because McKay came along and she had someone else to bug. 

Okay, so we had our FHE a couple weeks ago about goal setting and we set some new goals. First, mine.

1. Read 50 books and write reviews on Goodreads (I needed to stick with this one again)

2. Read the Book of Mormon again (with the Sunday School outline)

3. Finish the YW Personal Progress, including projects, by myself

4. Get scrapbooks caught up and printed!!

That's all I have set in stone. The rest will come as I feel I can handle more. 

As far as family goals, Jeff's is to hike 5 high points with Damon and to change 200 diapers this year

Damon's goals are to learn to read music instead of playing by ear  and not to be so negative (or a better way to say that would be "to be more positive").

Allie's goal is to do a better job keeping her room clean. She has done horrible so far!

Kyla's goals are to learn to read and do a better job eating her dinner ("not her boogers," Allie added)

Carter's goal is to talk better. He is doing a great job every single day

McKay's is to learn to walk and to give up his bottle when he turns one.

As a family, we have a goal to finish the Book of Mormon together (should be fairly easy--we are at the end of Alma now) and to participate in the 5K on the 24th of July (the race Jeff spons0rs) together.  

Should be an interesting year!

Ringing in the New Year

This year, we had the good fortune of being chosen to host the Trapnell New Year's Eve party. Chris and Sheri, who have had the party at their house for the past six years, chose to host a 4th of July party at their house, and we were picked by Jeff's mom to be the hosts this year.

We knew there were going to be a lot of people (read:children), so we decided to plan a little something for them. We came up with 9 "Minute to Win it" games and set them up in our basement. The plan was to keep the kids occupied so that the adults could play Bunco in peace. And we went to a lot of work to get everything ready. 

We started a bit late (8:00 by the time everyone was here and ready to eat), but everything went smoothly. We moved all the furniture out of the family room and set up tables and chairs. 

After eating, the kids had a great time playing the games (I wish I had taken some pictures, it was pretty fun), and then Jeff had set up a screen and some chairs so they had a mini movie theater to watch Kung Fu Panda 2. All of that went very well.  But none of the adults wanted to play our silly game. All they wanted to do (and by "they" I mean a select few who are the leaders of the group) was sit around and tell the same stories we have heard at every family function for the past 10 years. 

I was bugged. I was also hormonal, truth be told, which didn't help anything. But I had gone to a lot of work to come up with activities to keep the kids occupied so that we adults could do something fun. And sitting around listening to stories I could tell myself was NOT my idea of a good time. 

Now with some distance, I'm glad everyone had fun. Even if I didn't. And I'm sure we'll have the party here next year and I'll lower my expectations.

Here are a few pics from the night.

Yeah, it does look like the kids had a good time. And I know they did. I just wish I had, too.

2011 Recap

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’ve never done before? Drove to St. George with my five kids. Without Jeff. It actually didn't go too badly.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? Not so great. I have a post just about this very topic to come.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I did and Heather did. 

4. Did anyone close to you die? no

5. What countries did you visit? none. Boo. We did go to Hawaii for a week, though. That was worth noting.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? More peace in our home.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched in your memory and why? March 17th, when McKay was born. He came out covered in green poop and we laughed because he was "dressed" for St. Patrick's Day!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Making the transition to five kids. It was a rough few months.

9. What was your biggest failure? Nothing major, thankfully.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing of note. Carter did spend another 2 nights in the hospital in February for croup, but hopefully that will be the last one for a while!

11. What was the best thing you bought? The Sit and Stand stroller.

12. Where did most of your money go? loans, house payment and this year we added a practice payment! In six and a half years, the ortho loans will be paid off. That will be amazing.

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about? March Madness with Jimmer and BYU. Wow, that was fun!

14. Happier or sadder? I would say happier. I really am content with my life.

15. Thinner or fatter? Thinner. Still trying to get back to my pre-pre-pregnancy weight, but coming along.

16. Richer or poorer? Richer. Still not "rich" by any sense of the word, but we are doing fine.

17. What do you wish you’d done more of? Writing

18. What do you wish you’d done less of? Stressing

19. How did you spend Christmas? With my family. Christmas Eve with the Trapnell's, Christmas morning with my husband and kids and the rest of Christmas break with the Esplin's. Perfect!

20. Did you fall in love in 2011? Yeah, with my two bubbas, Carter and McKay.

21. What was your favorite TV show? Our favorite new show is Person of Interest. I also love Once Upon a Time, but Jeff isn't sold on it. 

22. What was the best book you read? I read 40 books this year. My goal was 50. I need to pick it up a little!

The best book I read was the Mistborn trilogy by Brandon Sanderson. The best YA books I read were Matched by Ally Condie and Moon Over Manifest by Clare Vanderpool. The best non-fiction book I read was Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua (for how thought provoking it was. Not because I agree with her methods).

23. What was your greatest musical discovery of 2011? Adele. 

24. What did you want and get?  A bike and a bike trailer for Christmas! Wow, that was a surprise!

25. What did you want and not get? Central vac and water softener. Again. But they should be soon, as we'll be finishing our basement this year.

26. What was your favorite film this year? The Help. It was so good. And Harry Potter 7.2. It was really a great way to say good-bye.

27. What did you do on your birthday? Dinner at Happy Sumo with my SIL's, Breaking Dawn preview with Jeff and his staff, Coldstone ice cream cake. Ahhhh.

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? For those people that I love not to have to struggle so much. Same answer as last year.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? Hand me downs from my SIL. 

30. What kept you sane? Facebook and blogging.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Emily from the Bachelor (I really couldn't think of one, so that's better than no answer at all).

32. What political issue stirred you the most? Romney being attacked for being a Mormon, and therefore, not a Christian. The political battles are just beginning!

33. Who did you miss? My brother, Jonny. Less than one month left!

34. Who was the best new person you met? McKay

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. It is so important to have hope. People you love will disappoint you, and make choices that you know are going to deeply affect their life. But you can't ever, ever give up hope. It's never too late to do the right thing. 

36. What songs will always remind you of 2010? Adele's "Rolling in the Deep," "Someone Like You;"  Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory" (song of the year IMO), "You and I;" "Good Life" by One Republic, "Tonight Tonight" by Hot Chelle Ray, "Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO, "Firework" by Katy Perry, "Super Bass" by Nicki Minaj,  "Grenade" by Bruno Mars, "If I Die Young" by the Band Perry, "Price Tag" by Jessie J and "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz.

37. When you think about 2011 what sticks out in your mind? Going crazy with all these kids! 

38. Best moment of 2011? When McKay was born, safe, without a C-section, and we saw that he was a boy. A perfect way to complete our family.

More Christmas Pics

Actually, this one was taken on Thanksgiving Day. We had Thanksgiving with the Trapnell's, which meant there wasn't a whole lot for me to do (rainbow jello was ready because I had done most of it the day before). So we got everyone dressed up and posed in front of our fireplace. Turned out pretty cute. 

Christmas Eve I tried to get the kids to pose by the tree. McKay was really not in the mood, but this one turned out alright.

We also tried to do a family shot with the camera on timer. We were all ready to go, except for Carter. He was, inexplicably, dancing around in circles with his hands above his head. And try as we might to get him to come over to us, he wasn't ready. This pic snapped just as he was completing a spin. I love it.

He did cooperate for this one, though.

Christmas Eve we spent with the Trapnell's, too. We never take pictures when we are together. I don't know why. Laurie is the only one who ever has a camera so I decided to take Jeff's and snapped a bunch. These are just a few.

Grandpa Fred took all the kids upstairs to play with his trains. The kids love that. I like this picture of Damon and his grandpa as they adjust the engine.

Christmas Day we headed to St. George, where all the lovely ladies were waiting for me with matching pjs. It caused a bit of confusion with the kids, as they couldn't easily tell which one was their mommy from behind. They were often surprised when the mommy they were clinging to turned out to be someone else.

My mom wanted to get a pic of all the grandkids before we left. Some were sick and some were just plain messy, but we did manage to get them all together. We can try again next month when we are together for Jonny's homecoming (yay!).

Top: McKay, Kyla, Allie, Carter, Malakai, Jayda, Maddux and Damon

Bottom: Kenya, Annie, Ella and Kalia

My mom also wanted several pics of the cousins in the tub. I think she plans to hang them in her bathroom. The only time I thought about taking pics was this day when Kenya, Kyla and Annie were bathing together. I tried to get a modest pic of them (appropriate for the wall), and this was the best we could do. I thought it was fun that it was one girl from each family bathing together. Representing the Alofipo's, Trapnell's and Bigler's.

Service

Before Christmas, I was trying to figure out what kind of service project I wanted to do with my kids, to help them get into the spirit of giving. I was listening to General Conference every day after dropping Kyla off at preschool (SUCH a good idea. I got so much out of it) and was listening to President Monson talk about the Provo Tabernacle Temple. He then started talking about a Temple Patron Fund that members could donate money to, which would go toward helping those who want to go to the temple but don't have the funds to do so(I didn't hear that the first time around. I blame the children). I felt the spirit very strongly telling me that this is what we needed to do.

So I began to brainstorm and talked to the kids about it. I wanted them to come up with some ways that they could contribute (more so than just doing jobs for me). We came up with a couple of projects that they could do. 

They spent one afternoon making ornaments for the Christmas tree (using pipe cleaners and tribeads). They made icicles, wreaths and candy canes.

Then we found some cheap flowers and alligator clips and made some barrettes.

One afternoon, Damon, Allie, Kyla and Carter went door to door in our neighborhood, selling their crafts. Damon practiced his speech about how we were trying to earn money for the temple fund and offered to sell the items for 50 cents each. They came home about an hour later with $10 (bless our nice neighbors!). They were pretty pleased with themselves.

I emailed my brother in Argentina and asked how much it would cost for a family to take a trip to the temple (the nearest one to him is in Santiago, Chile) and he told me around $65. So we set that as our family goal.

We also decided to clean out our basement, as we think we may be able to start the process of finishing it soon. I was SOOOOOOO tired of cleaning up all the play food, and the girls are really growing out of that stage, so I convinced them to take it to Kid to Kid and see how much they would give us for the kitchen, the play food, and some other items (exersaucer, stroller, baby gate). We were offered $70. I'm sure I could have gotten more if I had sold each item individually on KSL.com, but we were in a bit of a time crunch with Christmas coming. The kids were happy and so were we. Now we had $80 to give to the bishop on Sunday. What a fun thing to do. I hope it made an impression on them, because it sure made my heart swell when I looked out the window and saw the four of them, bundled up in their coats (back when it was cold), trying to sell their homemade crafts. Probably one of my favorite moments from this Christmas season for me.

Christmas '11

I love Christmas. It is always fabulous, and this year was no exception. Even though Damon had to have the "Santa talk" this year, which made me so sad, it was still magical. (He also had the "sex talk" the same week. More on that later...)

A couple nights before Christmas, we had our annual Journey Dinner. We really need to think of a new name for it, because we don't "journey" anywhere. We just sit at the table, lit by candles, and eat the kinds of foods Mary and Joseph would have eaten (homemade tortillas to represent unleavened bread, cheese, smoked meats, olives, nuts, dried fruits and sparkling grape juice for the wine). It really is a lot of fun and there's something special about eating with all the lights out. The kids really look forward to it, too, and make sure that we do it.

Christmas Eve we spent with the Trapnell family. We all dressed up in red and green for the occasion and I got the four oldest to pose by their new nativity. I finally bought one (I have been wanting one for years) and gave them one piece every day until they had them all. Of course we saved Baby Jesus for last, and talked about how it's not Christmas without Jesus. 

After a ton of fun at grandma's house (I have pictures on Jeff's camera--I'll have to get those off), we came home just in time for the pajama elf to visit with new pjs for everyone. Which, of course, set everyone's excitement level skyrocketing, because it meant that Santa was on his way (we tracked him on an app on my phone that told us EXACTLY where he was. A favorite activity for sure). 

In the morning, the kids were happy to find that Santa had come. Here's the proof.

They patiently waited until 7:00 and then came in to get us. Jeff and I felt like we had been asleep for 1-2 hours at that point (it had probably been more like 6-7), but we managed to wipe the sleepiness from our eyes and get ready for the excitement. 

After the presents were opened, and we went to church, we got ready to head to St. George. I have more pictures from the other camera, too, but here are a couple. 

Kimmy got a lot of Carter's love

And McKay got a nasty rash all over his face.

 Not to mention the strep that was being passed around the house (my two cousins, Kyla and my mom got that one). There were germs everywhere! But that couldn't stop us! We stayed up WAAAAAY too late and played more than a few games of Rummikub and Settlers. We also had a birthday party for my grandparents, who are now 80, which was a lot of fun. More on that later, too. Now we have to get ready for another year. Hopefully the best one yet.