Cleaning Day Attire

Today is cleaning day, which is Allie's favorite day of the week, because she gets to watch more TV than normal (small price to pay to have her out of the way). This morning, though, I had to laugh at the outfit she chose for herself after getting out of the bath (those are lacy Sunday socks, if you can't tell).

If KyKy had her choice, she would be naked all the time, but we learned the hard way that she should not be nude for extended periods of time, even if she has already pooped twice that day...so, this is what Kyla was wearing for cleaning day.

And, lest you think that I let my girls go around looking like white trash at the beach (which we know a thing or two about) while I spend all my time on my own appearance, here's one of me. Brace yourself, it's a pretty one.

(You love the Survivor buff, don't you?)

The Eight

The title of this post is for Cassie, who introduced me to a book by the same title. Cool book.

This was a tag from Laurie from a while ago, back when I wasn't online. But now I'm back, and I know you're all dying to know this crucial info about me.

8 Favorite TV Shows
1. The Office
2. The Amazing Race
3. So You Think you can Dance
4. American Idol
5. Survivor
6. Pushing Daisies
7. Alias (we are catching up via dvds from the library--finishing season 2)
8. Gossip Girl (well, the first season before Dan and Serena broke up)

8 Things I did yesterday
1. Took Allie to her last gymnastics class, watched her throw several tantrums because she couldn't do something, told her she's not doing gymnastics anymore.
2. Bought groceries--we had no fresh produce left in the house, and the kids were eating cans of mandarin oranges for their fruit. Sad.
3. Returned Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 to redbox. Not nearly as trashy as I thought it would be (meaning: not as trashy as the 4th book). Love those girls and their friendship!
4. Made macaroni and cheese for dinner (for the kids)
5. Saw Carrie Underwood perform at the E Center
6. Blogged
7. Read some blogs
8. Let Allie take a bath in the middle of the day, and then had to listen to her complain about how freezing she was when she had to get out.

8 Things I look forward to
1. Seeing Heather's new baby, Annaliese
2. Thanksgiving with family in Las Vegas
3. Christmas shopping with the girls
4. Twilight movie. I'm prepared for a bit of disappointment.
5. Having Jeff's loans paid off
6. A house of our own
7. A place for Jeff to put all of his stuff (ie: home office)
8. Tara, Wayne, Jonny and Kenzie coming to visit on Sunday

8 Favorite Restaraunts
1. Koja
2. Red Lobster
3. Cafe Rio
4. Panda Express
5. Rosa's-no longer in Provo:(
6. Hoggy's in Columbus
7. Macaroni Grill
8. Golden Corral

8 Things on my Wish list
1. Lasik eye surgery
2. Bigger chest (naturally, not surgically, but without weight gain in other areas)
3. A more comfortable bed
4. Allie to go to preschool for free (I miss Florida)
5. Some good friends close by
6. A dvd player in the van
7. DVR
8. BYU to beat Utah on Saturday

8 People I Would Love to Have as Neighbors (in no particular order)

1. Becky Seymour-one of my besties from high school. She knows me on a deep, emotional level and loves me anyway.
2. Kelly Lewis-our husbands get along, we have many of the same interests. I have always felt like we could be best friends if we had the chance to live close.
3. April Ferguson-only got to be neighbors for under a year. It wasn't long enough. Our kids get along great, we get along great, and I'd have someone to walk with (and chat with) every day!
4. Jenny Ludlow-we haven't lived together since college, but have some of my best memories with her. Especially now that she's about to become a mom, I know it would be way too much fun if we were neighbors.
5. Sarah Watford-I'm saving Damon for her little girl, Taylor (or Kennedy, if it doesn't work out). She could help me decorate my house, and keep me sane.
6. Jenner Brown-We only had a couple months to hang out while we were sports camp counselors, but she always made me laugh. Plus, she could help me score some sweet deals at CVS and thrift stores.
7. Natalie Clarke-my bestie from Ohio. Love everything about her, and her YELLOW personality would see that we always were doing something fun.
8. Suzanne Papa-no one is more real than Suz. Plus, Jeff loves you both. And we could FINALLY get together for some b-ball and v-ball!

Birthday Fun

I turned 29 on Saturday. For the first time, as I intend to claim 29 for the next several years, but this was the legitimate 29. Remember the line from the song, "I still remember when 30 was old?" That's where I'm at (name the song, and not you, Heather Bigler!). I don't feel old. I still feel (more or less) like the 17 year-old who belted that song driving down the Boulevard. Except without the bushy eyebrows.

My birthday started out like any other morning--with Allie screaming. The kids were all up, and Jeff and I were trying to steal a few more minutes of sleep and effectively ignoring them. Since it was a Saturday, Damon got all the kids breakfast (sugary cereal), so no one was bothering us about being hungry. But when he went into the store room to get Kyla out of bed, he thought it would be fun to play in there. A few minutes later, we woke up to Allie screaming and Damon running in to announce, "Allie stepped on a fish hook and it's stuck in her foot." Jeff got up to check it out, and came back to tell me that it was, indeed, stuck deep in her foot. Perfect. Just the way I had envisioned the start of my 30th year.

After a few unsuccessful attempts to remove the hook, we enlisted the help of Jeff's mom, who is a hospice nurse. She quickly called Dr. Garner, the doctor she works with, and he said he would come to the house and take a look. We are so lucky to have him! He does so much for our family (he wrote me a prescription when I had pink eye without even seeing me), and has saved us a lot of time and money. Dr. Garner worked in the ER in Alaska and has removed over 100 fish hooks, so we really lucked out when he came over. He showed Jeff a sweet trick using a shoelace to remove the hook without any anesthetic and really without much pain. So, it really ended up not being a very big deal, but makes for a good story, don't you think?

The rest of my day was uneventful (watching BYU beat Air Force, which was pretty great), because we had already planned to celebrate on the 19th, which is why I am 0nly now getting around to writing about it. A couple of months ago, I saw that Carrie Underwood was coming to the E Center, and I mentioned to Jeff that I would love to go. She is definitely my favorite American Idol and one of my favorite singers period. But after a few days without Jeff taking the hint, I decided to buy the tickets myself and to tell them that they were for my birthday and he didn't need to get me anything. Good move on my part.

Last night was the concert. Jeff agreed to go, but said he needed to make sure he had his binoculars so he could get a good look. I gave him a hard time about wanting to go only because she's hot, but he admitted that he does like her music, too, so the fact that wearing a sexy black dress and boots wasn't the only thing he was excited about (by the way, she did look gorgeous, I will admit. And I had to explain to Jeff that for one girl to say she LOVES another doesn't mean she's attracted to her, but rather that she'd want to be her best friend.). We ate an elegant meal at Quiznos and traveled in style in our mini-van. But man oh man, was it awesome!

The E Center is a great place for a concert--there isn't a bad seat in the house, and the sound is so much better than The Delta Center (excuse me, I mean the Toxic Waste Removal Center). And Carrie sure can sing! I said to Jeff, "Well, at least we know now that she doesn't keep winning Best Female Vocalist because of her looks."It was seriously an awesome concert, and I LOVE CARRIE! And not just because I had a dream about her last week where we WERE best friends. :)

So, it ended being a great birthday, fish hook and all. Thanks so much for all the texts, messages on Facebook, calls and cards. I mean, thanks to Facebook, this is the first year that the boy I had a crush on in 9th grade wished me a happy birthday. If only he would've done that 14 years ago, maybe things would have turned out differently....I wonder how he feels about Carrie Underwood?

p.s. Only joking, Jeff!

Pregnancy "issues"

This is going to be a long post, which is probably why I have put off writing it until now. So, you have been warned. Hang in there if you can, otherwise feel free to drop out at any time. One of my favorite quote from one of my favorite movies is this (bonus points for naming the movie):

'" 'Life doesn´t always turn out the way you plan.´
l just wish l realized at the time he was talking about my life."

I am sure I have used it before when writing about my own life, but it's just so
applicable.Whenever I start to make plans about the way my life will be, it's as
if someone says, "Not so fast, missy!"

I am referring to my plans about my family, and future family. I learned a long time
ago that I have very, very little control over when children come into our family,
and shouldn't count on anything as a certainty. When I was pregnant with Allie,
people would ask, "how many kids are you going to have?," and I would tell them,
honestly, "right now, we're just hoping to have two and then we'll see." My plans of
having six kids, with two years between each of them, had gone out the window,
and I realized I shouldn't expect anything to happen just because I wanted it to.

You'd think I would've learned my lesson four years ago. But, no, here I have been
planning how we'll have two more kids in the next three years, as though I have any
control over it. I must be a slow learner, because I am learning, once again, not to
plan on anything, but to just be grateful for what I have already been given.

The rest of this post is going to be written "journal style," because I know there
are specific details I am going to want to remember someday.

October 13-Found out I was pregnant today. I had been suspicious for several days,
but got confirmation today. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I definitely want to
have another baby, but I'm not sure I am ready tobe pregnant again. Especially since
this was our first month trying. But since I can't have a baby without a pregnancy,
I am happy. I just want to enjoy these next few weeks before I get sick.

October 27- I haven't been sick at all, which is great, but also a little surprising.
Usually by now I am gagging all the time and wondering why I wanted to be pregnant at
all. Today I had some cramping. It wasn't horrible, but there were a few times I
had to go sit down. I also had some very light spotting,and I feel very uneasy. I
know neither of these things is reason for great concern, but I have a feeling that
this pregnancy isn't going to end well.

October 28- Less cramping today, but a little more spotting. I also have felt pretty
nauseated and am unsure what that means. It's sort of like my body is trying to
decide whether or not it wants to stay pregnant. I have spent a lot of time on my
knees today praying for the best course of action, whatever that may be, to happen.
I realized how much I DO want this baby, and prayed that, if possible and if
I have a choice in the matter, that I will be able to carry this baby to term.

October 29-Today my bleeding is heavier. I feel that my prayer has been answered, and
this just wasn't meant to be. I'm sad, but okay. I read that one out of five
pregnancies ends in miscarriage, so the odds were not in my favor, this being my
fifth pregnancy (Chance was a completely different category). I made an appointment
at the OB after talking to a nurse, who confirmed that she believed I am miscarrying
as well.

November 3- I had an ultrasound today that confirmed that there is nothing in my
uterus. I was expecting it, but it was still hard to hear. The good news is that she
saw no reason for a D&C, which I was worried about because my bleeding has never been
all that heavy. They also drew some blood to check my hcg levels, to make sure they
are going down, and I expect to have some closure soon. I also had to go to the
hospital to get a Rhogam shot (I'm B-). I hadn't even thought about that, so I am
especially glad that I made the appointment. It was kind of a hassle, and my leg
ached for several hours, but I feel very lucky that we live in a time when I can
have babies, even though we have different blood types. I have been having major mood
swings, going from feeling very sad to just fine in a matter of minutes. I am looking
forward to closure.

November 4-hcg level=2300, need to repeat tomorrow to make sure it is going down.
Hoping that will be the end of it.

November 6-I got a call from the doctor's office today, and my hcg level actually
went up. But only to 2500, which is not enough of a jump to indicate a viable
pregnancy. Either there is more in the uterus that didn't show up in the ultrasound
(because I wasn't far enough along), or I may have an ectopic pregnancy. This has
produced all kinds of emotions in me. I'm scared, as I have heard some horror stories
about ectopic pregnancies and women losing a fallopian tube as a result. But I am
hopeful that whatever is left will be able to pass without complications. Mostly,
though, I just feel like I need to cry, but my body won't let me. That is
frustrating. I am trying to be positive and realize that I don't have any control
over this situation, and I have, again, spent a lot of time on my knees asking for
help.

Today, more than any day I can remember in a long time, I wish I could take a peak
at the list of things I signed up for in the pre-existence. I'm sure I agreed to
this long, long ago, but I know I would feel better if I could actually see what I
signed up for, and know that I will make it out of this alright. Of course,
the fear is that I won't be able to have any more kids, and I know I'm getting WAY
ahead of myself, but it would be nice to be reassured that that won't be the case.
I guess I am going to have to just have more faith.

November 11- My hcg level went up again, to 2600. I haven't had any bleeding in
almost a week. I am going to have another ultrasound to see if anything shows up.

November 12-The ultrasound, again, showed nothing. She even did an internal
ultrasound and couldn't find anything. I talked on the phone with the doctor tonight,
and he said he believes I do have an ectopic pregnancy, even though they can't see
it. My hcg level should be zero if I were finished miscarrying, so there is really
nothing else to conclude. I am going to have a shot of methotrexate tomorrow that
will, in effect, abort the embryo.

November 13- I had the shot this morning. Now, I guess, we just wait. I shouldn't
have read all the drug facts when I picked up the medication, that was scary. The
drug, methotrexate, is a cancer drug and targets any rapidly dividing cells
(unfortunately, my family knows a thing or two about that). I haven't had many side
effects, but I am bracing myself for anything. Hopefully this really will be all
that I need and will be able to move on.

November 18- I have had some cramping and a little bleeding, but neither have been
too bad. I hope that means the drug is working. I have heard that one woman had to
get the shot three times before it finally worked! I was really nauseated for about
24 hours after the shot (they told me that might happen), but nothing else has been
too bad. My mother-in-law said to me, "you just can't do anything easy, can you?"
I laughed. What else could I do? I know I have had some struggles, but they are
nothing compared with some of my friends and family. Like I said before, I know I
probably signed up for this and I am very hopeful that the worst is over.

My plans for having a baby in June are finished, but I am relaxed, knowing that it
will happen again when the time is right. Thankfully, Jeff and I (usually) don't
have much trouble getting pregnant. I debated whether or not to say anything, but
it's hard to not just pretend that none of this happened (and is still happening).
I didn't write this because I was hoping for sympathy--I am really doing fine
emotionally. But I felt like I have been very open about other parts of my life and
that it would probably be okay to be open about this, too.

My heart has definitely been softened, especially toward my own kids, as I have
realized, yet again, what a miracle a healthy baby (and child) is. Maybe the lesson
I need to learn is to be a better mom to the children I have been blessed with
before I will be blessed with any more. If that is the case, I am okay with that,
because I know they deserve the best mom they can get.

I'm Back!

I know I haven't posted forever. We had a slight computer problem that has left us without the internet for two weeks. I thought there was a possibility I would lose my mind, but we are finally back online. It feels great. I have been keeping notes in my planner about things that have been happening so that I can catch up, so hopefully I will be able to remember everything that has happened.

Halloween was interesting. Jeff had volunteered to make homemade root beer for the party at his sister's house, but hadn't gotten anything he needed for it at 5:00 pm. So, we left Damon with his cousins (he was already in his costume, as he had worn it at school for the school parade--not something we are used to having lived outside Utah, but it was a lot of fun), and took the girls to the grocery store for some dry ice and some root beer extract. The dry ice was easy to find, the root beer extract was very difficult. We went to four different stores, none of which had any extract in stock (apparently making root beer on Halloween is very popular here in the greater Springville area), but I did manage to find root beer concentrate. Jeff wasn't convinced that it would work, but we had already spent a good hour looking for it, so he decided to give it a try.

By the time we got back home, Damon was already gone trick-or-treating. Allie had fallen asleep in the car and began having one of her melt downs when I tried to talk her into putting her costume on. She had been planning on being Cinderella for months, and we recently bought a tiara for her to wear with the costume. She refused the tiara completely and also refused to have her hair done (we had put curlers in earlier in the day, but the curls were all gone--Allie had gotten her hair wet to "make it curly"--, so we were basically starting from scratch). She ended up hysterical in her bedroom, ripping the bobby pins out of her hair and screaming that she didn't want to go trick-or-treating because she was scared. Eventually, she calmed down, and we compromised with a ponytail, but I was past the point of caring then.

We did get some pictures later that night at Laurie's house. Damon didn't know what he wanted to be, but when he lost his front teeth, I told him he should be Dracula (who he had never heard of). I found the costume on Craigslist for $5 and that made my mind up. He actually really enjoyed wearing the costume, and looked pretty cute.


Kyla was Pooh Bear, just as Damon and Allie were at that age. Nothing too great, but I didn't have to spend any money.


I found these awesome tattoo sleeves, which made for an easy costume. We didn't get any pics until after the night's festivities and my black hair and dark eye makeup had worn off a lot.


It was a fun night, but Allie complained that she didn't get enough candy. I gently reminded her that she had spent so much time crying in her room that she didn't get to go to as many houses as Damon went to. Maybe next year she'll feel more cooperative, although I'm not counting on it just yet.