Curdled Milk

There are a couple of things that would prevent me from being truly successful on Fear Factor. Well, first off, there are a couple of things that would prevent me from being chosen to be on Fear Factor--I have no chest to speak of and I wouldn't wear a tiny top. I guess I don't have to think about it anymore, but I have. I have had a fear of water, which means if I ended up on the show, I would probably be chained inside a box under water, trying desperately to unolck myself before panic set in, and chances are, I would be one of the girls Jeff makes fun of and can't last more than 30 seconds without quitting.

However, there is something else that would prevent me from even trying, and it's not the Madagascar hissing roaches or the pig's blood or cow's intestines. Maybe because I've never had to deal with any of them, but I think I could do it if it meant $100,000. No, the one thing that would stop me in my tracks is the curdled milk.

How many times have we as mothers found a sippy cup of old milk hiding under the table, under the bed, or in the toy drawer? And how many times have we opened the cup under running water, only to have everyone in the room ask "what's that smell?" Unfortunately, this happens far too often and it's one of the most unpleasant "mom jobs" I can think of, and that includes changing poopie diapers.

Now, lest you think I have something against milk in general, let me set the record straight. I love milk, but there are certain rules that must be followed when drinking milk.

1. It must always be cold. If you've ever taken a sip of warm milk and have spit it right back out, I am with you. When we were younger, Heather and I used to drink milk out of aluminum bowls and measuring cups because it made it that much colder.
2. Skim milk must never be allowed. 1% is pushing it, but skim is nothing but glorified water. You can practically see through it when you pour it into a glass. Also, putting ice into milk to cool it off is only allowable if you're drinking whole milk, and then should only happen in extreme circumstances.
3. You don't have to drink bottom milk. For those of you who don't know about bottom milk, the defintion is "milk in the bottom half-inch of the gallon that has absorbed the flavor of the rest of the fridge and is no longer classified as milk."
4. Mixing of milk is no longer allowed. At least that's what Jeff told me. When we were trying to be healthier, we were drinking 1% (suffering through it, but making it) and I would buy 2% and skim at Aldi and mix my own 1% (thus not violating rule #2). Once we got here to Florida, I was banned from that practice. Milk spoils faster here, with 1% and skim being the quickest to take on unwanted flavors, and I ruined a couple perfectly fine gallons with my mixing. Now we're back to 2% after Jeff admitted he hates 1%. And now you know that I don't blame him.

All of this is on my mind as I found two sippy cups with chunky, curdled milk in them today. I have gotten better at the practice of breathing through my mouth while rinsing them in hot water, but I still gag just thinking about it. And that is what will definitely keep me off of Fear Factor.