This little love of mine (Kyla) used to be my favorite. She used to be so sweet and happy and fun. I used to feel guilty that I liked her more than the other kids. But times have changed. Kyla has changed. And I am praying it is just a phase that she will grow out of soon!
While she still has moments of sweetness and times of happiness that remind me of the way things were, they are becoming fewer and farther between. This independent three year old has become so sassy and manipulative, it makes me crazy.
For example: If she asks me to do something (say, make her a piece of toast 30 minutes after breakfast has ended), and I refuse, she responds by throwing out as many verbal threats as her little mind can come up with. "If you don't make me some toast, I'm not going to eat today." "Make me some toast now, or I will throw a library book in the trash." "If you don't do it, I'm going to kick you in the face." These types of threats will continue until she finds something that reaches its mark. Usually it will be something like, "If you don't do it, I'm going to hurt Carter." She knows that will draw a reaction from me (because as evidenced by the time last week she hit him with a broom, she isn't joking).
If her threats fall on deaf ears, she will go into Jeff's office and get a push pin from the desk. Then she will come out and offer up physical threats. "If you don't make me toast, I will poke you with this pin." Then she will stab me with it until I take it away, haul her uncooperative behind to timeout, and cry for the next 3 minutes about how she doesn't like me anymore and she doesn't want to be my best friend. Oh, and that she wants her daddy.
She also can't seem to learn from her mistakes. The one she is consistently making right now is coloring and drawing on things that are not paper. Jeff and I decided a while back that we weren't going to spank the kids anymore. Not that it happened all that often, but occasionally we felt we needed to. The one exception is for repeat bad behavior. Kyla knows that if she draws on the couch, or the wall, or her sheets, or her shorts, she is going to get a spanking. And every time, I explain to her that we don't want to spank her. We don't like it. But we hope that she will remember the next time she feels like drawing to get a piece of paper and to show a little bit of restraint when it comes to everything else. So far, the message isn't getting through. Yesterday, she drew on the tv with crayon. Which scratched the tv. Again. Jeff wasn't happy. When informed that she was going to be spanked yet again, she begged for some "vigganer" instead (her punishment when she talks about killing with a sharp knife), but didn't get her wish. She also is grounded from any writing instrument until further notice, but since when has that stopped her?
For the most part, I am calm when she behaves this way. I understand that she is testing her limits and trying to figure out what is and isn't acceptable. But sometimes I lose it. Yesterday she was mad at me because I told her she couldn't take her fully assembled puzzle in the car to pick up the kids from school. She threw out a few verbal threats about how she didn't like me and wasn't going to come with me to get the kids. Then, she promptly marched upstairs to the room where Carter was sleeping, turned on the light, and locked the door behind her. We were already running late, and when she refused to open the door, I banged on it, yelling at her. I just snapped. And I may have given her a little swat once she opened the door and ran out. Dang it. There went my good intentions not to give her an emotional reaction to her behavior. I guess I'll have to try again.
It's just hard right now. And while I'm praying it's a phase she'll grow out of, I also look at it as an opportunity for me to grow. Because apparently I need some growth myself.
One more story about Kyla that really made me laugh. This one was on Facebook a couple days ago. Kyla was playing with a pirate and Cinderella, having them talk to one another. The pirate told Cinderella, "I'm going to kill you!" (I really don't know why she is so violent. It's a complete mystery to me). I told her that I didn't like her talking like that, so instead, she had the pirate say, "I'm going to make you dead." Hahaha. Maybe a little more gentle, but still completely beside the point.
7 comments:
No fun. I'm a big believer that 3 years old is the HARDEST age of life. Don't know where the term "terrible twos" came from since is should be "terrible threes." It'll get better. I've heard my fair share of "if you don't get me the TV remote, I'll kick you in the face!"
Wow! I'm speechless. Good luck.
The best post! I tried to get through it twice... Macy kept turning off the computer (that bright blue light is very tempting) anyway, well worth all of my efforts. Kyla is a bundle of joy! I just wish every person who reads this could know her personally! I love the part about you needed to grow--not because I think you need to, but thats a great way to look at how to deal with these phases! Good LUck!
Oh Geez. You mean Emma could get worse when she hits three? Better start preparing now.
Oh, man. How disheartening that a "favorite" child would turn into something so hard to deal with! At our house it's the five year old who acts like that--not so much anymore, but when she was four and then after she turned five. Hope it doesn't last that long for you! Kudos to you for being so good not to respond emotionally. You only snapped once?! I'm using you as my example: I can and will respond to behavior and not emotion. We'll see how this week goes....
Hilarious pirate/Cinderella story!
how did I miss this post?!!
Im laughing because Ashers threats are the same exact way. Oh boy and it ticks me off. But at the end of the day I lay in bed and laugh about what has come out of his mouth.
This may be totally against everything people believe but hands down the best thing that works for me is to "call the cops" or even to get in the car and start driving to the police station.
Extreme? yes. But it works. I tell you it works. and all 3 of my kids are terrified of this threat.
Does it make them hate law enforcement? maybe. But does it make for a easier sob session? yes.
I figure- a few more years and they will learn the truth about cops- so right now SCARE THE SHIZ OUT OF EM :)
Schnikeys! That is one tough girl! My kids have all had their time periods of possible disownment. Gabe was a tough toddler with all of his spazoid meltdowns pretty much everywhere. Luckily we haven't had to deal with knife stabbing threats, but I do threaten with my "wooden spoon", and sometimes I'll just get it out and wave it around like a loaded gun ready to bust a hiney. Luckily that does the trick before I actually have to use it. We try really hard not to spank, too, but there have been incidents where a repeat offender will get the spoon.
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