Hospital 2011

February 14, 2010 was the day I was due with Carter, so I called him my "love baby" during my pregnancy. My doctor joked with me that no boy would want to be born on Valentine's Day, and Carter proved that by being born on January 29th. I had to read my blog from last year to remember what we did (I did have a 2 week old, remember), and found that Jeff and I went out to dinner. And I was worried about my baby getting RSV. I'm sure it wasn't the most romantic V-Day ever.

Well, this year wasn't either. Starting a little bit on Saturday, but more so on Sunday, Carter started sounding croupy. This is probably the third time this winter he has had croup and for the most part, he usually sounds worse than he is. I wasn't too concerned.

But by Monday, he was really sounding bad (worse than he had either of the two times before), and I made an appointment with the doctor. Mostly, I wanted to check his O2 sats to be sure he was getting enough oxygen, and hope that we would be sent home reassured that he was okay. I bailed on Allie's class Valentine's party (thank goodness that there are so many parents who like to help out in kindergarten classes), and passed the craft I had prepared for all the kids to another mom and tried to calm my anxiety long enough to get to the doctor.

At the doctor's office, his O2 sats were fine. He was consiste

ntly in the 90's, even though he sounded so terrible. He was starting to have some retractions on the side of his ribs when he breathed, but he was happy and didn't seem to be in distress. The doctor decided to give him a breathing treatment of Racemic (vaporized epinephrine) to reduce the swelling of the airway. He said most of the time, one treatment is enough to get the symptoms to go away almost immediately, but some kids would get worse a couple hours later.

Carter didn't get better hardly at all. He still sounded bad after the treatment, and it was then decided that he needed to be hospitalized. The main problem with croup is that when children labor to breathe for a long time, they eventually wear out and can stop breathing all together. You think they are sounding better, because they aren't breathing as loudly, but in reality, they are breathing very shallowly, and then not at all. Of course we didn't want that to happen. So, I called my aunt and dropped the other kids off at her house before heading off to the hospital.

All of these pics are from my phone, so they aren't the best quality, but they are all that I have. Carter got into a gown and they hooked him up to the O2 monitor, as well as the monitors for heart rate and respirations. They all looked fine, but he still sounded pretty bad.

I managed to get him to sit still long enough to get this picture of him in his gown, with his froggy and binky. Really, he was not too upset, and his biggest complaint probably would have been boredom.

This is a video clip from my phone as well. If I had kept my big yapper shut, you would be able to hear his breathing a little better, but you can get the idea that he wasn't doing great. He wasn't sad or lethargic or anything, just working hard to breathe. I need to mention that his lungs were clear. This wasn't RSV or some other mucusy virus. This was just croup-an inflammed airway that makes it hard to breathe.

Monday night was a long night for me. Carter got another treatment of vaporized epinephrine and a dose of oral steroids and was bouncing off the walls for a few hours. He settled down around 11:00 and fell asleep, but I didn't sleep. Every time he would knock one of his leads off, I would have to get up, silence the alarm, and try to fix it. This happened a lot. I couldn't really lay on the bed with him because of all the wires in our way, even though I did try. He woke up a few times, but quickly went back to sleep. I think I saw the clock at least once an hour throughout the night. He was getting his treatments every 4 hours and I had to give them to him, because he hated having them done.

By morning, I was pretty tired. Carter sounded a little bit better, but still not great. It became clear that he wasn't going to be going home any time soon, so I made arrangements for the kids and settled in for a day in that tiny room. Because he had done just fine during the night, the nurse let me take off all the monitors, which was amazing. Carter could walk around exploring the room, I gave him a bath, we brought in some toys and set them on a blanket for something to do--it was great. Except for the fact that he really didn't sound that much better.

At one point, he was getting a treatment and he got mad. Ticked off. He cried long and hard and held his breath until he started turning blue. He had never done that before, and it sort of worried the Respiratory Therapist who was in the room. I thought he was just tired of having people in gowns and masks bugging him all the time, but they took it seriously. He had a chest x-ray done to see if there was anything else going on and they put him in a cool mist tent for the rest of the evening and night.

I wish we had a picture of the tent. It was a bit sheet of plastic that stretched down to a point on the bed and was filled with cool mist. Supposedly it is the old treatment for croup and the respiratory therapist thought it might help. He also had an x-ray done on his neck to see if there was any other blockages. The doctor had told me that Carter was more likely to get croup because of his experience on the ventilator last year. The tissue in his airway could already be damaged, and that could be why he was having some problems. The x-rays all looked fine. But in the cool mist tent he went.

Jeff came over after work and traded with me. After 24 hours in the same room, I was going a bit crazy. Nothing like last year, but I definitely needed a break. Especially after we learned that he was going to have to spend at least one more night there.

I came home, picked up the kids, and tried to have a normal evening (which mostly meant taking care of things that had been neglected). My neighbor brought us dinner (the kids had had Mac n Cheese the night before) and I spent some time loading dirty dishes and folding the laundry I had started on Monday. Jeff called and told me he was going to sleep at the hospital and that I should get some rest. I was exhausted. I went to bed at 9:30 and fell asleep almost instantly.

The next morning, I went back to the hospital and traded with Jeff so he could come home and get ready for work. Carter had done great during the night, and had slept really well in his tent. Boy likes camping already. The doctor came in and saw him and said he thought he would be able to go home soon. What a relief!

We got ready to go, and I took a couple more pictures.

All ready to go! Just waiting for our paperwork. Good thing, too, because I look more than a little tired.

Here's Carter sitting in his bed. It holds up to 350 lbs, so once I figured out how to hoist myself up there, he and I spent a lot of time there together. Much more comfy than the pull out couch.

His nurse on Wednesday didn't think he sounded good enough to go home, but they let us check out. Again, though, my anxiety was triggered, because truth be told, he didn't sound that great. Not as bad as the first day we were in there, but not great. I had a little panic about him taking a turn, and having to take him back, but he still seemed to be in good spirits. And he had had a blessing that said he would be healed. And he was definitely better than he had been Monday, so Jeff talked me down and I relaxed a little (as if it were just that easy...I did relax a little, but it took all day).

I had a doctor's appointment myself that afternoon, and after finding out that I had lost 2 lbs in the last two weeks and barely being able to produce any urine sample at all (it's hard to get that cup in the right place!), I was afraid the nurse would think I wasn't taking care of myself. But I managed to convince them that I was just a little stressed and I would be fine. And I told myself that Carter would be fine.

And he has been. He definitely hasn't gotten better as quickly as I had hoped he would (he still didn't sound all that great yesterday, even after we got his oral steroid prescription filled), but he was doing okay. He wanted to be held all the time, was being a picky eater (what's that about??), and still was breathing kind of hard. But today he is doing MUCH better. About 75% better I would say. Phew! Poor kid has really been through it!

And while it wasn't nearly as emotionally draining as it was last year (or nearly as long or serious), having a kid in the hospital is never fun. It's draining. But there are two things I will really miss from our time there:

1. The first night we were there, Jeff and I did FaceTime with the kids on our iPhones. It really was so fun for the kids to see Carter and for Carter to see all of them. I think I should write to Apple and have them put a hospital scene in their next commercial. And Carter can star in it.

2. On Tuesday, when I spent all day in there with him, we took 3 naps together in that big bed. I never get to do that at home. And it was so fun to snuggle with him and sleep together. Probably one of my top 5 Carter memories of all time.

Last year when Carter was in the hospital, I said a prayer and told Heavenly Father that if he would help him get better, that I would try to be the very best mom I could possibly be for Carter. And I have. But this latest experience was a good reminder of just how special this handsome love is to me. And how much I want him to have a good, happy life. Hopefully at home, rather than in the hospital.