Discouragement

Let me start by saying that Damon is like me in so many ways. Granted, there are lots of things about him that I don't fully understand, or relate to, but there are so many things about him that remind me of myself. We both want to be the best at everything. As an adult, I have had many years to learn that I'm not going to excel at everything, and I'm okay with that. But when I was 9, like Damon is, I hadn't learned that yet.

Last year, when Damon had to make a car for the Pinewood Derby, Jeff did most of the work. Damon picked the basic design, but Jeff basically finished it for him. This year, though, we told Damon it was going to be his responsibility to do most of the work. Jeff could help him with some of the most difficult things, but he was going to do it himself. He ended up with a basic car that weighed exactly 5 ounces. And he was excited about it.

But he found out that it wasn't the fastest car at the derby. It also wasn't the slowest. It was somewhere right in the middle. And unlike last year, there were trophies for the first three cars (and now that we combine with two other wards for scouts, there were also a LOT more boys with cars). He also dropped his car and messed up his wheels just before it was his turn to race, which didn't help matters.

But I could tell by the night's end that he was feeling discouraged. He didn't feel like talking about his car, or things he could do in the future to make a faster car next year. He didn't want to talk about it at all. 

I related to that all too well. That's exactly how I would have acted when I was his age, too. When we got home, I went into his room with him and started telling him that. I told him how I always wanted to be the best at anything, and how I would cry if someone beat me at something. I also told him that I know it's okay to feel sad for a while. It's okay to be disappointed. But that by morning, I expected him to put it behind him and not feel bad anymore. I didn't want him to stay down for long. And to his credit, he was feeling better by the next morning.

***

The morning of the 15th, I woke up and couldn't find my purse. Jeff and I had been out the night before for Valentine's Day, and I knew I had had my arms full of stuff when we had come inside. I wondered if maybe I had left my purse in his car, so I texted him at work. He went and checked. No purse. I continued to look and look and called the only two places I could have possibly left it the night before--Cafe Rio and the grocery store we stopped at on our way home. When I finally talked to the manager of Cafe Rio, he took my information and told me that an employee had thought they had seen a purse, but it was nowhere to be found. He promised me they would do an investigation (and check the security tapes) to see what they could do.

I hung up feeling so stupid. I knew that the simple act of leaving my purse behind was going to be hard to fix. My wallet and my keys were gone (luckily I still had my phone!). I felt sick to my stomach, and I instantly started beating myself up over it. I felt like I was a bad person, who was always screwing up. But it didn't take me long to realize that all those negative feelings were not productive at all. And even more so, I recognized them as untrue. While I make mistakes, I'm not a bad person. I'm not worthless. And a loving Father in Heaven would never want me to feel that way about myself. 

I have learned that discouragement is one of the tools Satan tries to use against me. I am quick to get down on myself and not quick to forgive my own shortcomings. But I have had to learn to love myself anyway. I can remind myself that I am a good person, and and not expected to be perfect yet. I can learn from my mistakes, and hopefully not repeat them, and become better. I don't have to let Satan have any power over me.

I began to feel better. And even when I had to call and cancel the credit cards and go through the process of getting new ones, and a new driver's license and getting the house rekeyed, I just reminded myself that I am still learning, and there was no sense in getting down on myself.

The purse still hasn't been found. And while our credit cards were never used, I am still upset about the $50 I lost and the $100 or so in gift cards that were in my wallet. And while those things won't be able to be replaced, someone from HR at Cafe Rio called and said they would like to buy me a new purse. He told me to go get something that I felt could replace it (it was a hand-me-down Coach bag from my SIL), and to call him and he'd get me a check. So, even though this has been a costly mistake, I still felt as though it was a tender mercy from a loving Heavenly Father letting me know that He cared about me. 

Hopefully that is another lesson I can share with Damon (and all my kids) when they need to hear it most.