Temp Agency 2

My long time readers may remember when I posted about jobs my children would be good at. I have been thinking about it recently, and decided it was time for to update their resumes.

Damon would be a fantastic bus driver. He is extremely punctual and thrives on routine. If he needed to be at a bus stop at 8:13, he would be there at 8:13. Without fail. He would also be a great professional organizer. Granted, much of his organization plan includes shoving things under beds, but it will always look clean. He could also have a future in politics, as he will tell you exactly what you want to hear. "Damon, will you please take all your smelly socks out of the bathroom?" "Sure, mom." And, like any good politician, he seldom follows through.

Damon has also become quite the little tennis player. On the Wii. He may have a future as the next Federer or Nadal, but only if he is allowed to play from the comfort of his living room. One day I was bragging to Jeff that Damon had gotten so good, and I wouldn't be surprised if Damon could beat him. Jeff didn't believe me until he had lost two games. The third game was close until Jeff "accidentally" whacked Damon on the back of the head with the wiimote, giving Jeff the win. Fishy...

Allie would make a great exterminator. She is terrified of bugs and would love nothing more than to kill them all. Provided she can do it from a distance. Spring weather has brought with it a plethora of stink bugs, and Allie has had to learn to live with them. The first time she saw one, she screamed as though she had seen an alligator coming at her and quickly ran away. After much coaxing, some threatening, and a little beating, I finally got her to come within 10 yards of the thing, guaranteeing her that it wasn't going to hurt her. A few days later, armed with a new found courage, she managed to get close to one, convinced that she was no longer afraid. But I knew it was just a rouse. If she comes across one of the savage creatures unexpectedly, she is likely to break into hysterics. Which she did one day as we checked out the progress in our backyard. She refused to move from the rock she was on and wet herself as she cried uncontrollably. Now tell me you don't want this girl keeping your home insect free?

Allie may also have a career as the new Deep Throat, provided she can uncover any useful information. She is smack dab in the middle of the Tattletale Phase, and loves to inform me of everything anyone else is doing. I'm not sure what tattletales get paid, but there may be a way to become infamous if she uses it to her advantage.

Kyla, I believe, may also have a future as a politician. She is great at telling outright lies, smiling all the while. We were at the Bean Museum, where they kindly ask that you don't touch any of the animals. She and I were looking at a zebra or an antelope or a peacock, and she reached out and touched it (truthfully, she probably touched all three). I said, "Kyla, you can't touch the animals," to which she responded, "I didn't." And despite my argument that I saw her touch it with my own eyes, she never confessed. Look out John Edwards. You may have company in the charisma department.

If politics don't work out, Kyla could try out for a job as a circus performer. She is constantly doing things at the playground that she has no business doing (such as crawling across the top of the monkey bars), and is far braver than either of the other two children. She is also very resilient. Our landscaper was talking to Jeff about the girls, and said (about Allie)," She is such a little woman." Then, pointing to Kyla, he said, "And she's so sturdy." That she is.

I could also see Kyla making an appearance on a reality show like Big Brother. While we were in Arizona, she quickly discovered the best part of swimming: the hot tub. And when she wasn't sneaking off to the lazy river, she could be found lounging with the teenagers. I was sitting by her one time and she asked me, "can I pee in here?" I quickly told her no, of course not, but she smiled and said, "I already did."

As for Carter, his skills are still pretty limited. I'm not sure there is a big market for snorting like a pig and getting chubby. Right now, I'd say his best chance is a job as a competitive eater, because the boy likes to eat. And at this rate, he may even be able to get a job as a Sumo wrestler. We shall see.