And no, we are not responsible for that much, thank goodness! I'm not 100% sure how it will all play out, but I think we have a $3500 deductible for the year, which will easily be reached. Also, as luck would have it, we have a Conseco policy (taken out to help pay for my hospital stay) that covers the whole family, and should give us another $2500 for Carter's stay. So, while I'm not completely confident that we will only have to shell out $1000, that is what I am expecting. Of course, there may be something I am unaware of, but that is what I know.
Okay, now down to the real post I have floating around in my head.
I have a confession to make. I don't love breast feeding. And I feel like by admitting that, I may be losing some of my points in Heaven, but it's true.
And before you start scrolling down to the bottom of this post so you can leave me an angrily worded comment about how I can't stop nursing Carter, as he clearly needs any antibodies I can pass on to him, let me assure you that I will continue breast feeding for as long as I can. Really, you should know me by now. I do things that I am supposed to do. That's just who I am. And breast feeding is what you're supposed to do, if you can. Besides, I understand all the reasons why "breast is best:"
My baby will have less illness, he will get the adequate nutrition at the optimal temperature, he won't become obese due to overfeeding, he will be less colicky and have fewer ear infections, and he will be more likely to get into BYU, I know. And those reasons alone are enough to keep me breast feeding. Not to mention the fact that I get to eat more food, burn more calories, and wear a bran whose cup size isn't A. Those are just added bonuses. But all those things still haven't convinced me to fall in love with it.
I have a good friend in Florida who was completely grossed out by nursing. When she had her little girl, she had no interest in even trying it. It just wasn't for her. And she always gave us patronizing smiles when we talked about breast feeding, probably trying to figure out how she could get out of the conversation without having to talk about it. I'm not like that. I am not grossed out by breast feeding. I may, at times, turn my head in embarrassment when I see a woman openly feeding her child in public, free from any blanket shield or cute nursing cover. I may also cringe internally when I see a child who could only be described as a preschooler tugging at his mom's shirt to get a quick drink. But in general, nursing doesn't gross me out. My issues are much different.
I just don't love it. I don't feel a swell of love every time my baby latches on. Instead, I bite my lip, wincing at the pain that always occurs those first few seconds. Instead of reveling in the closeness my baby and I share, I find myself watching the clock, wondering if I can safely dislodge his little lips without waking him up, positive that he stopped nursing for nourishment 15 minutes earlier.
I realize that I have had a bit of bad luck this time around: I have had clogged milk ducts and breast infections on and off again multiple times, probably due to the 12 days Carter was in the hospital and I had to pump. Also, the pain of breast feeding hasn't ever really gone away (especially on the left side, for some reason we really struggle on that side), and I constantly feel like I am either being poked with a white hot coal or stung by a swarm of killer bees. Couple that with the fact that this little love of mine LOVES to nurse, and you may begin to see why now, on my fourth baby, I still haven't been converted to the joys of nursing.
I do realize that this may seem blasphemous to many of you, and I do apologize. I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me. It's just that sometimes I fantasize about how life would be if I chose to bottle feed instead. I wouldn't feel so tied down, knowing that I need at least 20 minutes every three hours free to sit down and nurse. And I would be able to, occasionally, turn over the responsibility of feeding for an entire night. And I could sleep. That would be amazing.
So, you can save your arguments. I am convinced that breast feeding is best for the baby. I'm just not convinced that it's best for me. And I am not convinced that I would somehow be missing out by bottle feeding. The things that I love about nursing (the way my sweet baby looks at me with big, beautiful eyes from only a few inches away) could easily be the same things I love about bottle feeding. I just love those big beautiful eyes.
And so, because I believe it is best for him, I will persevere. He WILL be more likely to get into BYU, right?
Sorry, this picture is a little blurry, as it was taken with my phone. But I love that he's giving me a smile. Probably happy because he just finished breast feeding for 30 minutes. :)
14 comments:
what? you dont like hamburger meat for boobs?!!
me either...
although we deal right?
garsh! hes cute.
HE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE, I am dying to get my hands on him. You should enter him into a baby contest. He's that cute. So, I am so sorry you are having all the pain and infections of breastfeeding. I haven't ever had those, so I can't say I relate. I CAN say that after the Annaliese experience (we switched her over at about 10 weeks), being able to leave her with someone else and also letting Samuel do the night feedings sometimes was...AMAZING. I hope my next baby can take breastmilk and formula. Annaliese might be a tad chubby from overfeeding (but maybe that's because she's 17 months old and still taking formula, but hey, people, she's allergic to every milk out there.) but she is surprisingly smart, and surprisingly healthy for being bottle fed most of her life! She is talking just as much as Kalia did at this age. I know I learned a good lesson- I will never judge a bottle-fed baby/mama again! Can't WAIT to see you guys!!!
I feel ya. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I only had pain from nursing with Tatum--the others weren't for more than a few days. But I definitely have sat calculating the hours that I'm unable to get things done. And maybe that's fine when you only have one kid around...but it's a lot harder to sit there while your husband gets children fed or bathed or dressed or the house sits rotting in stench and uncleanliness because you can't get up and clean!! It's really hard for me...but I do love it for all the reasons you listed that people love it. So, I don't judge you one bit. I say hang in there as long as you can cause it's free :), but if it's making you crazy or turning your life too upside down--it's okay! Do what's best for your family and don't care about what anyone else says. Your kids are sure to be geniuses anyway...
Krystal you shouldn't feel bad. I know that breastfeeding is good for babies but our little Corey didn't have that option and he is healthy, strong and super smart and I'm pretty sure he'll be able to get into BYU if he really wants to. I say do what is best for you and your family and don't worry about it. I'm 100% sure you won't be kept out of heaven because you don't like nursing :-)
I am so glad that I'm not the only one who doesn't love it! The difference is I don't perservere for very long. I am already ready to switch Chloee over to formula. Pretty sad. Oh well. My goal is to make it to 4 months!!
I totally understand everything you've said because I've often had those same thoughts myself.
I hate breastfeeding. I only breastfed Nathan for 4-5 months. I did the slow ween and only kept that early morning feeding for my convenience. I'm pretty much only planning on nursing Jeff for a few months... and I plan on nursing and doing formula bottles right from the get go. I ESPECIALLY hate nursing out in public. Those that think it is convenient are crazy.. I think it is a pain in the rear!
Carter is so freaking cute! And, I'm glad you aren't going to get stuck with a ton of medical bills. They are the worst.
he really eats for 30 min? Jayda will eat for 5 min on one side and then 2 hours later wants to eat again. i am sure she will be "obese"! like my damonroo!!
ps this is tara!
First off - I think I won about the bill earlier saying over $50K. And I do agree with you that breast feeding can be a love hate relationship. You know it's best but sometimes it just hurts so much, is time consuming and you wonder how much they are really eating and how much they are just using you for a pacifier. Good luck keeping it up so Carter can one day get into BYU :)
As my due date gets closer I am dreading the breast feeding more and more. My oldest was fed only by bottle and I admit - I really, really, really liked it. But with my second I figured I should at least give it a try (the whole guilt thing) and I did and it wasn't horrible but it took her over 2 weeks to get it down and was such a pain at times and finally at 6 months we were done because we were moving and I needed other people to be able to watch her.
If this one will take a bottle, then I may nurse longer but if he doesn't - he may get the six month treatment like his sister. I forgot how nice it was to be able to actually leave your child for more than a few hours! I don't think it is selfish - I think it is healthy to be able to have a life outside your children!
Good luck sticking it out for as long as you so desire. And I am sure he will get into BYU because you took the time to nurse!!
The stinky thing about motherhood is that NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, there is somehow someway to feel guilty about something. And it is sure tricky because what works for you sure isn't what works for your best friend or neighbor. As you know, I can't nurse. And that was SO hard for me with Leona. I used to hide at church when I fed her so people wouldn't know I wasn't nursing her. I am (finally) so over that. Bottle feeding works best for me, my kids, our family, our lifestyle, our schedule. But I do wish that I could've had the other way too. The grass is always greener on the other side. I say find what you feel good about for you and your family- no matter what it is - and forget everyone else.
You are too funny. Sorry if you really know people who are that judgmental. I do enjoy nursing, but have experienced the whole pain thing. With my oldest baby, both my nipples split open and when I went to the lactation specialist, she said one of them was the worst nursing laceration she had ever seen. Awesome. Anyway - it was because she wasn't opening her mouth big enough and only getting mostly the nipple. Each child after that I have noticed the same thing - if I can get them to open their mouth large enough {sometimes I open it manually!}, then it doesn't hurt, but if they don't open enough, ouch!! This was a long comment, but I wanted to share in case that might be what Carter is doing. Painful nursing is no fun.
I second what Cassie said, "NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO AS A MOM, THERE WILL BE SOMETHING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT!!" I have to say the BYU thing is ERRONEOUS thinking... :) BECAUSE your baby brother was breastfed for almost a whole YEAR, ( he would NOT take a bottle the little stink) and he just recently got REJECTED and can't go to BYU.........they must not know about his history... ALSO, YOU, my darling daughter, were breast fed for a WHOPPING 6 weeks, and guess what..............you are the smartest oldest child I have........I say, give it up, he's off to a great start, and you ARE going to have one more baby and then you can have one more chance to NURSE away for 2 or 3 mos...One more myth, I nursed extra long with each additional child because I heard that mothers that breast fed had a LESS LIKELY chance of getting breast cancer..........so there goes that theory.........aahh..........give it up........YOU ARE A GREAT, (practically perfect), MOTHER!!
The perfect part is because you always do what you SHOULD........j/k.....DON'T "SHOULD" on yourself anymore, you are 30, you can give that up too, cuz I don't want you to get breast cancer, stress causes cancer you know.... :) LOL don't believe any of it!
Post a Comment