There are three things in my house that I would not be friends with if they were alive (I'm sure there are more, but there are three that are on my mind today).
1. My vacuum cleaner. Ever since Damon accidentally sucked up the fringed edge of a blanket, Hoover Savvy has been extremely tempramental. I can't just plug her in and turn her on; no, everything has got to be just right before she will roar to life and start doing her job. She makes me crazy, my diva vacuum, and I couldn't be friends with her.
2. My garage door. He flat out refuses to work a good majority of the time, even though nothing is preventing him from functioning. I get ready to leave the house, start pulling out of the driveway, and push the button, crossing my fingers that this time he will perform (please don't read too much into that statement...). One of three things will happen: he will close the way he is supposed to; he will start to close, change his mind and open again; or he will refuse to even make a move. The latter two incidences require that I hop out of the car and do his job for him, manually lowering the door, before exiting through the front door of the house. Yes, most definitely, my garage door is a man, and he and I would not be friends.
3. My kitchen floor. She and I would not be friends, although we would pretend to be. Because we have to coexist, there's not point getting mad at her, although I feel angry whenever I look at her. I work hard to take care of her, trying to keep her clean and beautiful. But no matter what I do, it's never enough. She is constantly mocking me, reminding me that I'm not good enough to hang with her. She requires constant maintenance and, frankly, I don't have the time or energy to cater to her every need; and every square of cereal adhered to her with a milky paste is proof that I will never live up to her impossibly high standards. Every now and then, I prepare myself for a brawl, and I really give it to her, wiping the smirk off her face. But as soon as the next meal is finished, she is a disaster again, and I don't have the energy or the willpower to begin again. And so we go back to being superficial again, as I sweep the surface to make everything appear neat and tidy, all the while knowing that she is still mocking me...
5 comments:
My garage door too! Sometimes it opens, sometimes it doesn't. sometimes it closes 1/2 way. Or, opens 1/4 way. It drives me crazy!!
I hate it when things don't work the way we want them to! Is it really too much to ask to expect to have something work the way it's supposed to?
I love that different objects in your house have different sexes. My vacuum is a smelly old man with bad breath. I'm sure he'd love to meet a young firecracker.
He he . . . I'm laughing just thinking about it.
I like that they are a he or she also! So clever. I am not going to look at my appliances and decide if they would be a man or woman.
My vacuum cleaner, for sure a man.
I totally agree about the kitchen floor!
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