Pregnancy "issues"

This is going to be a long post, which is probably why I have put off writing it until now. So, you have been warned. Hang in there if you can, otherwise feel free to drop out at any time. One of my favorite quote from one of my favorite movies is this (bonus points for naming the movie):

'" 'Life doesn´t always turn out the way you plan.´
l just wish l realized at the time he was talking about my life."

I am sure I have used it before when writing about my own life, but it's just so
applicable.Whenever I start to make plans about the way my life will be, it's as
if someone says, "Not so fast, missy!"

I am referring to my plans about my family, and future family. I learned a long time
ago that I have very, very little control over when children come into our family,
and shouldn't count on anything as a certainty. When I was pregnant with Allie,
people would ask, "how many kids are you going to have?," and I would tell them,
honestly, "right now, we're just hoping to have two and then we'll see." My plans of
having six kids, with two years between each of them, had gone out the window,
and I realized I shouldn't expect anything to happen just because I wanted it to.

You'd think I would've learned my lesson four years ago. But, no, here I have been
planning how we'll have two more kids in the next three years, as though I have any
control over it. I must be a slow learner, because I am learning, once again, not to
plan on anything, but to just be grateful for what I have already been given.

The rest of this post is going to be written "journal style," because I know there
are specific details I am going to want to remember someday.

October 13-Found out I was pregnant today. I had been suspicious for several days,
but got confirmation today. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I definitely want to
have another baby, but I'm not sure I am ready tobe pregnant again. Especially since
this was our first month trying. But since I can't have a baby without a pregnancy,
I am happy. I just want to enjoy these next few weeks before I get sick.

October 27- I haven't been sick at all, which is great, but also a little surprising.
Usually by now I am gagging all the time and wondering why I wanted to be pregnant at
all. Today I had some cramping. It wasn't horrible, but there were a few times I
had to go sit down. I also had some very light spotting,and I feel very uneasy. I
know neither of these things is reason for great concern, but I have a feeling that
this pregnancy isn't going to end well.

October 28- Less cramping today, but a little more spotting. I also have felt pretty
nauseated and am unsure what that means. It's sort of like my body is trying to
decide whether or not it wants to stay pregnant. I have spent a lot of time on my
knees today praying for the best course of action, whatever that may be, to happen.
I realized how much I DO want this baby, and prayed that, if possible and if
I have a choice in the matter, that I will be able to carry this baby to term.

October 29-Today my bleeding is heavier. I feel that my prayer has been answered, and
this just wasn't meant to be. I'm sad, but okay. I read that one out of five
pregnancies ends in miscarriage, so the odds were not in my favor, this being my
fifth pregnancy (Chance was a completely different category). I made an appointment
at the OB after talking to a nurse, who confirmed that she believed I am miscarrying
as well.

November 3- I had an ultrasound today that confirmed that there is nothing in my
uterus. I was expecting it, but it was still hard to hear. The good news is that she
saw no reason for a D&C, which I was worried about because my bleeding has never been
all that heavy. They also drew some blood to check my hcg levels, to make sure they
are going down, and I expect to have some closure soon. I also had to go to the
hospital to get a Rhogam shot (I'm B-). I hadn't even thought about that, so I am
especially glad that I made the appointment. It was kind of a hassle, and my leg
ached for several hours, but I feel very lucky that we live in a time when I can
have babies, even though we have different blood types. I have been having major mood
swings, going from feeling very sad to just fine in a matter of minutes. I am looking
forward to closure.

November 4-hcg level=2300, need to repeat tomorrow to make sure it is going down.
Hoping that will be the end of it.

November 6-I got a call from the doctor's office today, and my hcg level actually
went up. But only to 2500, which is not enough of a jump to indicate a viable
pregnancy. Either there is more in the uterus that didn't show up in the ultrasound
(because I wasn't far enough along), or I may have an ectopic pregnancy. This has
produced all kinds of emotions in me. I'm scared, as I have heard some horror stories
about ectopic pregnancies and women losing a fallopian tube as a result. But I am
hopeful that whatever is left will be able to pass without complications. Mostly,
though, I just feel like I need to cry, but my body won't let me. That is
frustrating. I am trying to be positive and realize that I don't have any control
over this situation, and I have, again, spent a lot of time on my knees asking for
help.

Today, more than any day I can remember in a long time, I wish I could take a peak
at the list of things I signed up for in the pre-existence. I'm sure I agreed to
this long, long ago, but I know I would feel better if I could actually see what I
signed up for, and know that I will make it out of this alright. Of course,
the fear is that I won't be able to have any more kids, and I know I'm getting WAY
ahead of myself, but it would be nice to be reassured that that won't be the case.
I guess I am going to have to just have more faith.

November 11- My hcg level went up again, to 2600. I haven't had any bleeding in
almost a week. I am going to have another ultrasound to see if anything shows up.

November 12-The ultrasound, again, showed nothing. She even did an internal
ultrasound and couldn't find anything. I talked on the phone with the doctor tonight,
and he said he believes I do have an ectopic pregnancy, even though they can't see
it. My hcg level should be zero if I were finished miscarrying, so there is really
nothing else to conclude. I am going to have a shot of methotrexate tomorrow that
will, in effect, abort the embryo.

November 13- I had the shot this morning. Now, I guess, we just wait. I shouldn't
have read all the drug facts when I picked up the medication, that was scary. The
drug, methotrexate, is a cancer drug and targets any rapidly dividing cells
(unfortunately, my family knows a thing or two about that). I haven't had many side
effects, but I am bracing myself for anything. Hopefully this really will be all
that I need and will be able to move on.

November 18- I have had some cramping and a little bleeding, but neither have been
too bad. I hope that means the drug is working. I have heard that one woman had to
get the shot three times before it finally worked! I was really nauseated for about
24 hours after the shot (they told me that might happen), but nothing else has been
too bad. My mother-in-law said to me, "you just can't do anything easy, can you?"
I laughed. What else could I do? I know I have had some struggles, but they are
nothing compared with some of my friends and family. Like I said before, I know I
probably signed up for this and I am very hopeful that the worst is over.

My plans for having a baby in June are finished, but I am relaxed, knowing that it
will happen again when the time is right. Thankfully, Jeff and I (usually) don't
have much trouble getting pregnant. I debated whether or not to say anything, but
it's hard to not just pretend that none of this happened (and is still happening).
I didn't write this because I was hoping for sympathy--I am really doing fine
emotionally. But I felt like I have been very open about other parts of my life and
that it would probably be okay to be open about this, too.

My heart has definitely been softened, especially toward my own kids, as I have
realized, yet again, what a miracle a healthy baby (and child) is. Maybe the lesson
I need to learn is to be a better mom to the children I have been blessed with
before I will be blessed with any more. If that is the case, I am okay with that,
because I know they deserve the best mom they can get.

I'm Back!

I know I haven't posted forever. We had a slight computer problem that has left us without the internet for two weeks. I thought there was a possibility I would lose my mind, but we are finally back online. It feels great. I have been keeping notes in my planner about things that have been happening so that I can catch up, so hopefully I will be able to remember everything that has happened.

Halloween was interesting. Jeff had volunteered to make homemade root beer for the party at his sister's house, but hadn't gotten anything he needed for it at 5:00 pm. So, we left Damon with his cousins (he was already in his costume, as he had worn it at school for the school parade--not something we are used to having lived outside Utah, but it was a lot of fun), and took the girls to the grocery store for some dry ice and some root beer extract. The dry ice was easy to find, the root beer extract was very difficult. We went to four different stores, none of which had any extract in stock (apparently making root beer on Halloween is very popular here in the greater Springville area), but I did manage to find root beer concentrate. Jeff wasn't convinced that it would work, but we had already spent a good hour looking for it, so he decided to give it a try.

By the time we got back home, Damon was already gone trick-or-treating. Allie had fallen asleep in the car and began having one of her melt downs when I tried to talk her into putting her costume on. She had been planning on being Cinderella for months, and we recently bought a tiara for her to wear with the costume. She refused the tiara completely and also refused to have her hair done (we had put curlers in earlier in the day, but the curls were all gone--Allie had gotten her hair wet to "make it curly"--, so we were basically starting from scratch). She ended up hysterical in her bedroom, ripping the bobby pins out of her hair and screaming that she didn't want to go trick-or-treating because she was scared. Eventually, she calmed down, and we compromised with a ponytail, but I was past the point of caring then.

We did get some pictures later that night at Laurie's house. Damon didn't know what he wanted to be, but when he lost his front teeth, I told him he should be Dracula (who he had never heard of). I found the costume on Craigslist for $5 and that made my mind up. He actually really enjoyed wearing the costume, and looked pretty cute.


Kyla was Pooh Bear, just as Damon and Allie were at that age. Nothing too great, but I didn't have to spend any money.


I found these awesome tattoo sleeves, which made for an easy costume. We didn't get any pics until after the night's festivities and my black hair and dark eye makeup had worn off a lot.


It was a fun night, but Allie complained that she didn't get enough candy. I gently reminded her that she had spent so much time crying in her room that she didn't get to go to as many houses as Damon went to. Maybe next year she'll feel more cooperative, although I'm not counting on it just yet.

Instruction Manual for Kids

Sometimes I think that someone in the pre-existence must have given my children an instruction manual on how to get under my skin. I'm pretty sure it was authored by Luce E. Fur, and was cleverly disguised as a self-help book for dealing with earth life. It has taken me 6+ years to figure out its contents (and I will admit that it probably contains things I have yet to discover). I am sure it includes things like:

• The Magnet Principle. As soon as your mother sits down, situate yourself as close to her as possible. You will find the most enjoyment if you are touching her; don't be afraid to sit on her lap, even if it is already occupied by a sibling. This rule only applies to your mother, you will find no such enjoyment crowding around your father when he is sitting down.
• The Proximity Principle I. The moment you witness your mother going into the kitchen, even if it's just to put something in the trash, you will suddenly realize that you are hungry. You will follow her into the kitchen, asking if it's time to eat. It doesn't matter what time of day it is, or how recently you ate, you will be hungry when your mother is in the kitchen.
• The Selective Hearing Principle. You should learn very early on to only hear those things you choose to; that way, when your mother gets angry with you because your room is still a mess, yet she claims to have asked you to clean it at least a dozen times, you will be able to honestly reply, "I didn't hear you." You will quickly learn which things you want to hear, and which things you want to tune out. You should be slow to hear any prompts to do work of any kind, but should be able to hear the announcement that it's time for dessert from any corner of the house.
• The Proximity Principle II. Generally, you will be incredibly well-behaved while your mom is away. Your babysitters will believe, erroneously, that you and your siblings are wonderful children who never cry or do something worthy of earning a timeout. But the moment your mom walks in the door, it will trigger tears and tantrums out of nowhere. You should stand in front of her, holding your hands up to be held, and cry until she reaches down, rolling her eyes, to pick you up.
  
• The Antonym Principle. Learn quickly that when you ask for something and are denied, your mother really meant "yes" when she said "no." Go ahead and help yourself to whatever it is you want, and act surprised when you get in trouble. Respond with, "today is opposite day," which may get you out of trouble.
  
• The Fashion Principle. As soon as you are old enough, insist that you dress yourself. Only choose things that you know don't go together, and which you know embarrasses your mom beyond belief when you wear in public. Also, change your clothes several times throughout the day, but only after you have gotten each outfit dirty enough that it can't be worn again. Cry every time you see a brush coming your way, forcing your mother to give in to your fashion sense to keep her sanity.
• The Illness Principle. When you are sick, even the least bit, lay on the floor, moaning like the end is near. Use your illness as an excuse not to go to school or church or as a reason not to have to go to bed. Refuse to eat or drink anything other than ice cream or juice and spend the day crying and whining to prove that you are, in fact, not yourself. You will find that you will receive extra sympathy (and probably will be offered ice cream and juice to avoid starvation) , and will probably even get to have your binky and "comfort object" with you all day long.

What am I forgetting? I'm sure I will continue to uncover principles found in this "out-of-print" instruction manual, and may be able to recreate it all some day. We have recently been dealing with The Illness Principle, as Damon and Kyla have been sick all last week with croup. Damon missed two days of school and Kyla is still wheezing like Darth Vador (minus the cool James Earl Jones voiceover). They have both been pretty miserable, and I have been letting KyKy have her binky and cow whenever she wants.

This got me thinking about my kids' comfort objects. Damon had an elephant named "Ernie" that played "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" when you pulled his string. He loved that elephant, even after we had to removed the music box so Ernie could go into the washer. I was looking through old pictures, sure there would be a lot with Ernie in Damon's arms, and was surprised to only find two in which he makes an appearance. This one is from October 2003. He is with Greg A., one of Jeff's 259 buddies. I'm convinced that it was Greg and Tammy's love of Damon's cheeks that led to their daughter, Emma's, own jowls.

The second picture you can see Ernie (and Baby Ernie) behind Damon (also October 2003). After big Ernie got lost in the Las Vegas airport, Baby Ernie was a good substitute. When Baby Ernie was lost in another airport, and a search online found no good replacement, Damon quickly grew out of his need for a comfort object.

Allie, on the other hand, didn't develop a close bond with her comfort object until just over a year ago. She always loved her baby Bexley, but when she got her new bed and bedding, she really fell in love. Allie's comfort object is her pillow. I was surprised again to find that we only had one picture with the pillow, and it is, again, a background object. This is from June 2008 at Grandma Karen's house. It is the rainbow one on the couch, behind all the grandkids playing with grandma.


Just like Damon loved to rub Ernie's tail between his fingers, Allie loves to rub the corners of her pillow while she falls asleep. I took this picture a couple of days ago, after I realized that we had so little documentation of the beloved pillow. This wasn't posed, this is how she lays on the pillow.


Like I said before, Kyla loves her cow ("dow" as she calls it). She will suck on her finger as soon as she sees the cow, so she also still gets to have her binky at bed time and nap time. It's got the head of a cow, but the body is more like a fleece blanket. Too bad they didn't have one in pink.

She still sounds terrible (like an asthmatic having an attack), but doesn't act too miserable. Maybe it's because she gets "dow" and "btee-btee" so much during the day. Hopefully this week goes better. Otherwise she may have to BE Darth Vador for Halloween. At least that would explain the wheezing.

Birthday Boy

Of all the random blogs I have come across while blog surfing, there is only one I read regularly. A Backwards Attraction by a girl named Liz. She is a great writer and I feel like I know her, even though she knows nothing about me (I did make a comment once, but that hardly counts). A few months ago, she wrote a post for her husband's birthday, about what she would do for him if she could give him the perfect birthday. I loved it, and I am totally "borrowing" her idea, but am giving her credit for it.

Saturday was Jeff's birthday. We were on our way home from Arches National Park, where we had spent the last two days, and I asked him, "Is this the way you would choose to spend your birthday?," sort of joking. He answered seriously, "yes." He has never been one to want to celebrate much, especially when it's his birthday, but I have a hard time just letting it go without much notice. So, for you Jeff, here is what I would give you if I could give you the perfect birthday.

We'd wake up early, before sunrise, in some exotic location, like the Dominican Republic. We would visit somewhere amazing, and be the only two people for miles around. You, of course, would take fabulous photos of our surroundings, and you wouldn't have to fight anyone else for the best possible spot. We'd spend the rest of the morning exploring, and I would never get bored while you rambled off every historical fact you know about our destinations.

After lunch, we would magically be transported back home, where we would find that Ty and the gang had built our dream home, free of charge, and moved all of our things in for us. There would be a sweet new SUV in the garage, one that doesn't need any gasoline at all, but can still go 80 miles an hour on the freeway. After drooling over that fora while, we would spend a couple of hours with the kids. They would all be perfectly well-behaved; Damon would be your willing buddy in any hike you had planned, Allie would entertain us with a hilarious story, and Kyla would magically forget the word "no," and instead, constantly say, "sure" with a huge smile on her face.

After that, we would leave the kids and again be transported to Phoenix, where you would reunite with your 259 buddies. You boys would have several hours to catch up(time has no relevance in perfect birthday world), and you wouldn't lose any rounds of the Dice Game. We'd all enjoy a nice, free dinner (also there is no money needed in perfect birthday world) of steak, lobster and king crab, and we would still have room for dessert (a selection of the world's finest fruit pies for you, something with peanut butter and chocolate for me).

After dinner, we would sit courtside as the Suns won the NBA championship, and would join in the celebration. It wouldn't last long, though, as we would have to make our way to another arena, where 259 would be the opening act at a U2 concert, which you would watch backstage, only feet away from Bono. You would have time to enjoy all your favorite songs before we were suddenly whisked away to Wrigley Field in Chicago, where we would watch the Cubs win the World Series for the first time in nearly 100 years. We would also enjoy a deep dish pizza from Gino's, suddenly finding that we were hungry again. Immediately following the game we would be transported again to the BCS national championship game, where BYU would win their first national championship since 1984.

If you hadn't collapsed with excitement, we would finish the night at a swanky resort in Mexico, where a hot tub, a bikini, and a pair of scissors were waiting for us. Then we would fall asleep in a perfect bed, knowing you would have the best night's sleep you had ever had. And I wouldn't even make you snuggle with me. When you woke in the morning, it would be a little sad, knowing that your perfect day was over, but there would be one last surprise waiting for us when we got back home to our brand new house. There would be a new cell phone tower in Springville, and you would be able to receive calls on your iPhone.

Happy birthday Jeff! I can't promise I can ever give you your perfect day, but as I was writing this, I couldn't help but feel grateful that so much of what you love includes me.

Allie B

Last Monday for FHE we took a scenic drive on the Nebo Loop to see the fall leaves. Jeff wanted to go take some pictures, and I coerced him to take some of the kids, so we could use them for Christmas cards this year. We did get some good pictures that we will probably be using, and I will post our favorites after we have chosen which ones we like. These are a couple that we aren't using, but I love them. I love this one of Damon with the fuzzy background. Jeff told me what he did to get that effect, but I can't remember what he said. I'm glad he is into learning about photography, and I hope our family will benefit from his knowledge for many years to come.


This next picture is quite possibly our new favorite one ever. Jeff was just getting ready to start shooting the kids and asked Damon and Allie to pose. Damon obliged happily, but Allie wasn't into it. It's so typical of these two, and we just crack up when we look at it. You probably know Allie well enough from reading my blog to understand why it's so classic.


I have been reminding myself (almost daily) why I love this little girl and telling myself I'm going to be so sad when she has grown up a little (although Jeff is wishing she would grow up a little faster). Here are some things I love about Allie, lest you think she is the devil's love child:

1. She is such a conversationalist. I think she says the funniest things and I'm always cracking up just listening to her. She is also really good when it comes to expressing her feelings, even if she doesn't always use the right words. She told me, "reading books is too boring," in a voice that told me it was too hard. She was getting frustrated and said, "I'm so disappointed!" and, while not exactly what she was trying to say, I understood.
   
2. She is petrified of getting cavities. Jeff may have explained in a little too much detail what happens when kids have to have cavities filled, and she will rush to the bathroom to scrub her teeth after eating something with sugar in it.
3. She is the ultimate food taster. She wants to try everything, but rarely finishes anything (including desserts). She just can't pass up the opportunity to try something that looks good.
4. She loves V8 and is constantly sneaking upstairs to grandma's pantry to pilch a few cans for snack time.
   
5. She is great at entertaining herself while Kyla is napping, which is so nice for me.
   
6. She loves music and is always impressing me with her knowledge of pop culture. I was listening to the new David Cook song on my Playlist, and she said, "Is this David Cook?" I was blown away. I tested her on a few more, and she is pretty good about identifying Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift and any other well known song on the radio right now.
   
7. She is also a great singer. She knows a lot of songs and sings with such feeling! She was belting out the two lines of "Connected" from Barbie and the Diamond Castle that she knows at the park last week and I just sat back and smiled.
8. She is very self-confident. She thinks she is great at everything, even when her performance doesn't really back it up. I love that about her. She is so pleased with everything she does.
9. She has a great imagination and "reads" herself great stories. For some reason, she loves chapter books with no pictures, and I find them in her bed sometimes. I don't quite understand it, but it's always fun to hear what she's going to say next.
10. She loves being a girl. She loves makeup, phones, changing her clothes all day long, playing with babies and cooking in her kitchen. It's incredibly obvious that girls and boys are born with inherent differences and she is going to be an awesome mother someday.

Well, it wasn't really that hard to come up with 10 things I love about Allie, which just goes to show that even my biggest challenge comes with a lot of blessings. I'm glad for that reminder.

K-k-k-karma

Just the other day I was commenting on Heather W.'s post about escaping an enormous library fine, and now karma is catching up to me. I was bragging about how several times I have thwarted the "replacement fee" by purchasing my own copy of the damaged item (computer game, music cd), and returning it to the library without penalty. I might as well have dialed the Springville Library and left a threatening message, daring them to catch me.

Today, after returning a stack of books (not including Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you See?, which was still at home needing to have some pages taped back in), I was getting ready to check out another stack and scanned my card. Up popped the following warning in red letters: Fine: $24.99. I nearly laughed out loud, wondering what in the world had caused such an awful mistake. I took my card to the lady behind the desk and was greeted there by another librarian, the one who checks the books in (librarian #1 from now on). She showed me a copy of The Very Hungry Caterpillar that I had returned that day and explained to me that it was ruined and I would have to pay for it.

I was taken aback. I couldn't think of a single thing that had happened to that book (remember, I hadn't tried to return Brown Bear), and so she opened the book and proceeded to show me food stains on a few pages. She then showed me that a couple of pages were stuck together at the bottom and when she tried to unstick them, she had ripped a page. Two other pages was still stuck together, and she feared trying to unstick them, declaring the book was no longer able to be circulated and needed to be replaced.

I tried to get out of it. I asked if I could take the book home and work on it, sure that I would be able to get the pages unstuck and cleaned up enough to pass inspection, but was denied. A second librarian agreed that the book was ruined, but that after I paid for it, I would be able to keep it. Oh goodie, that makes me feel better. Since I didn't have my wallet on me, I told her I would have to come back later (preferrably after I thought of another plan). She asked librarian #1 (fast becoming my best friend) if I could still check out books, and she replied with a sigh, "Not any more than five. We shouldn't let her check out any."

Now, with tears starting to form in my eyes, I said, "I'll come back later," and walked outside, trying to figure out what I was going to do. Noel was outside with the kids, and I discussed the situation with her. I was a little mad at myself for not checking the book earlier so that I could do one of two things: 1. clean the book and get it in circulating order again, or 2. buying one from half.com for a couple of dollars and pulling the ol' switcheroo. But mostly I was just mad, as I couldn't see any way out of paying for it, so I went to the car to get my wallet.

When I got back inside, librarian #2 was there to help me, telling me again and again how sorry she was. Librarian #3 piped up, "At least you're getting a good book." Internally, I rolled my eyes, but she had a point. At least I wasn't stuck with Eloise Takes a Bawth or some other book that I can't stand (no offense to Eloise, but a story about a girl who takes a bath at a hotel and causes millions of dollars in damage because she lets the water overflow everywhere just isn't very funny). If I was going to pay $24.99 for ANY book, at least it was one we all love. Still, though, I couldn't stop the tears from spilling out onto my cheeks, and I ducked down to talk to Kyla, hoping no one else would notice. Librarian #3 asked if my husband was the orthodontist who had such beautiful flowers outside his office, and I knew she was thinking that if my huband owned that office, we must be loaded, and I shouldn't care so much about a piddly little library book. I said yes and thank you for complimenting his flowers, not bothering to explain that it's really Jeff's brother's office and that he's just an employee there (and therefore, NOT loaded), and it is still a big deal that I'm having to buy the book.

So, it was a rough morning. I came home and taped Brown Bear, Brown Bear back together, and now I'm crossing my fingers that we don't have a repeat episode next week. There were some pages already taped together when we checked it out, so I'm guessing it will be alright, but that brings up another question: apparently it's not a big deal to tape pages back in, but it's not okay to have food stains on pages? I don't understand the logic. But I do understand karma. And I will refrain from any more "braggy" comments from now on. Now, I need to decide which of the kids is going to be getting a slightly used copy of The Very Hungry Caterpillar for Christmas.

Long, boring journal entry about cleaning

We had a great weekend. Conference weekend is always a little like Christmas; we eat a ton of yummy food and never change out of our pajamas or make our beds. Of course the kids don't appreciate President Monson the same way they do Santa Claus, then again, once they find out the truth about Santa, that will probably change.

When we lived in Florida, Noel would bring cinnamon rolls over on Conference weekend and we would snack on them all day. Since we moved here, I thought it would be fun to continue the tradition. Especially when I found an awesome recipe using my bread machine (Thanks Tricia!). Seriously, these are yummy. You can find the recipe HERE. The kids had a good time helping me (Damon rolling out the dough, Allie mixing the cinnamon and sugar together, then spilling half of it on the kitchen floor), and we enjoyed them Sunday evening.

President Monson's talk about change was an especially meaningful one to me. I felt like he was talking right to me when he mentioned the fingerprints that cover every surface and the stacks of laundry that need to be washed (please tell me I'm not the only one!). I really loved how he encouraged us to make the most of today so we don't have any regrets when the children are gone. I know I want to do better with that. But I have also been reflecting on all the changes that have taken place just since Jeff and I got married and how our lives continue to change.

When we first got married, we lived in a tiny apartment close to campus. It was great and perfect for us. I made the comment early on that we would never live somewhere smaller than that, but would need more and more space as the children came. Even when we moved in with Jeff's parents the first time, we had just as much, if not more, space in the "love loft" as in our Cambridge Court apartment. When we moved to Ohio, we bought a 2 bedroom condo for $42,500. It was just under 900 square feet and sported the tiniest kitchen I had ever seen. And we were happy there. Damon was two months old when we moved in, and when we left, four years later, we had added Allie to the family. We were definitely beginning to outgrow our little condo, and I was anxious to get into something with three bedrooms before we thought about another baby.

In Jacksonville, we were lucky enough to rent from the best landlord ever--Jeff's dad. He bought a 3 bedroom house (our first time not sharing walls with anyone else!) and we thought we were moving into a mansion. We had plenty of space, even with baby Kyla, and I never felt crowded (well, except that one time my ENTIRE family came to visit. That was a great time, but it was crowded). And back here in Springville, in the basement, we have just as much living space as we did in Florida (and here we even have an "extra" bedroom for Kyla, aka, the storage room). It's perfect for us now, and really, we would be fine to stay here for quite a while, even if we were to have baby #4 join us (don't tell Jeff that, though, because I told him I really want to be in our own house before we have another baby. That gives us over 9 months, though, so hopefully that will happen).

Now, though, we are contemplating the biggest move yet (maybe ever). We want to buy a house that we can grow into, possibly staying in forever, if we love the neighborhood, schools, ward, etc. This is a big commitment, but I have talked to so many people who planned on being in a house for 5 years or so, but are still there because as kids get older, it's harder and harder to move. So I would prefer to buy a house that we can grow into, and won't feel small in a few years. And, while that's very exciting, it's also very scary. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I mean, I'm ready for the house, but I don't know if I'm ready to clean it.

I have never been the perfect housekeeper. My mom was quick to warn Jeff about how disastrous my bedroom was as a teenager (to be fair, Heather and I did share a small room and most of the mess was always clothes), and not to expect too much out of me. But for those of you who know my mom, you know she is a big time cleaner. She can scrub and scour with the best of them. And she always did her big cleaning on Saturday, especially Saturday night, so the house was spotless Sunday morning. She said she liked to start the day off right by inviting the Spirit to be there. It makes sense, and it was nice to wake up to a clean house, with Janice Kapp Perry playing in the background.

But I have come to realize that the messiest my house gets is always Sunday night. No one wants to clean on Sunday (when I say no one, I mean myself, of course), and long days with everyone home mean things get trashed. So, the most logical day to clean is Monday. That way I don't have to worry about how messy things get on Sunday, because I know I'll take care of it on Monday. So, I decided to make a change and do all the cleaning on one day. I also wanted to prove (to myself) that I will be able to handle the kind of house we are trying to buy (oh, and the fact that I want to keep my in-laws basement from getting destroyed helps out in my motivation). I hope that I'll be able to. Cleaning just the basement (and doing the laundry) takes, on average, five hours. But I'm usually okay with that, because I don't have anything else planned on Monday and I love the way the house looks (and smells) when I am done. I'm not sure that proves that I am ready for my own house, but hopefully it is a step in the right direction.

If I have to give myself a grade on how well I am doing in the cleaning department, it would be a B. Is that enough to get me the new house? Will that translate to a C in a bigger place (or worse)? Right now, today, I am feeling very grateful that we are here with the Trapnell's. Not only are we saving a lot of money, but I can rest easy knowing I don't have to worry about things like house payments. And scrubbing one more bathroom.

p.s. We are still looking at two houses in Springville. Both are brand new, never been lived in, and are short sales, which we are learning a lot about. Really, when listing a house as a short sale, the realtor should add in parentheses (there's nothing short about it. You'll be waiting for weeks or months to hear anything). At least then you wouldn't get your hopes up every few days. But we're hopeful that one of the two houses will work out, and that we won't be here until next fall. :) I'll let you know when I know.

Fall

Fall is definitely in the air. At least in the mornings, as we have still been getting up to around 90 in the afternoons, but I feel it coming. And the leaves are starting to change. It's magical. We have missed it. Fall is awesome in Ohio. Summer and spring are gray and cloudy, and winter is cold and miserable, but fall just about makes up for it. I'm not looking forward to winter, but I am really excited for fall.

Allie started a gymnastics class once a week at the Mapleton rec center. The best part is what she chooses to wear. This purple number is my favorite. Her teacher is helping her slide her hands across the bar. It's been really fun, but I must admit that she has been more emotional than I expected her to be. It's as if it's Damon sitting there, scared to participate, instead of Allie. But she's getting more used to it now and I think it's good for her.

Damon finished up his soccer season last night. Jeff and I were both amazed at how much he has progressed in just a few short weeks. He even managed to score a few goals, which I never would've thought possible when he started. Last night, all the players on his team got a trophy and you can't imagine how proud he is of it. Jeff wasn't home when he went to bed last night, so he crept in early this morning to show it to him.

He asked me if I have any trophies from when I was a kid and if he could see them. I wonder what I saved...all my stuff is in a box in storage, so we won't be able to get it out and reminisce, but I love that he cares.


These are Damon's cousins that played on the team with him, David and Sammy. You can tell that David was struggling with a bloody nose all day yesterday, and if you look closely, you can see Damon has dried blood on his arm. That's kind of disgusting.

What do you think of this face? Does it say, "don't mess with me?," or what? Kyla has become our little spitfire. She refuses to be pushed around and has learned to throw tantrums by screaming, "NO!" when she isn't happy. It makes me crazy.

But I love watching her personality develop. She is definitely the most adventurous of the kids at this age. She loves being outside, and is surprisingly capable for being so small. I peeked out the window and saw her throwing a tennis ball to the dog two days ago, and yesterday I saw her carrying a rabbit under one arm like she had been holding it for years (both pets are my in-laws, but they are right outside our door, so they feel like they are ours). She loves animals, and gets so excited when she sees them (and rabbit scratches don't seem to slow her down much).

Last weekend we stopped in Brian Head on our way to St. George so our budding photographer (Jeff) could take some landscape pictures. It was quite cold at the top of the mountain, and Allie only lasted long enough to take this picture before she headed back to the van to wait.

Kyla would've outlasted us all. Even though her hands were freezing and her nose was red, she didn't complain at all, but instead was THRILLED to be out of her carseat (which she doesn't care for at all). I love how tough she is, and I hope she will always be willing to tag along with us on fun adventures.

10 Years

I had my 10-year reunion over the weekend, and thought it would be a good time to fill out this little high school get to know you:

Did you date someone from your school? Yes, and I have written plenty on the subject HERE, along with all those embarrassing pics everyone loves to see. They aren't getting posted again. My high school sweetheart was Tyler Campbell, catcher on the baseball team.

What kind of car did you drive? When I first started driving, I drove the old Dodge Caravan. It was blue with faux wood paneling on the side. It also leaked power steering fluid and we carried it around by the case so I could refill it. My senior year Heather and I got a '87 Nissan Maxima with a sunroof and a voice we named "Joan" who reminded us that "fuel is low." It was a great high school car.

Were you a party animal? Hardly. I didn't have the time or desire. And I didn't get invited to parties.

Were you considered a flirt? Only if I were mistaken for my sister, Heather. :)

Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Choir. Concert Choir (the big show choir that didn't turn anyone away. At the state choir festival, we got the highest marks of any choir, and we proclaimed ourselves state champions!) and Trilogy (madrigal choir that had 7 of each part--28 total. We met as a zero hour class at 7 am. I still don't know how I made it, as it was very competitive. I was an alto, and I figure that they needed someone who could read music, wouldn't cause any problems and had a voice that didn't stand out. That was me. Trilogy was an amazing experience and I learned so much and was exposed to great music. One of the best things I did in high school).

Were you a nerd? Definitely. I took AP classes and dated the smartest guy in school for a while (before the baseball player). I loved to read and got excited walking down the aisles of the library. Wouldn't you say that was nerdy?

Were you on any varsity teams? Yep. I was the setter on the volleyball team, and we made it to state my senior year. I cracked my elbow in our first game and watched from the bench as we lost two matches and were out. I was a guard on the basketball team and considered not playing my senior year for a fraction of a second (we only had one other senior on the team after a series of events led others to decide against playing). It was a tough year, but we overachieved and took fourth at the state tournament, coming within one point of playing for the state championship! It was the best/worst experience of high school for me. I also played third base on the softball team and we weren't very good, mostly because we didn't have a good pitcher. But it was a lot of fun and I got to spend a lot of time watching the baseball team whose field was right next to ours.

Did you ever get suspended or expelled? No, but I remembered a time I got into trouble. It was Sadie's my senior year and the student body was voting on which boys would be on the royalty. My friend, Lacy, and I somehow got our hands on a bunch of extra ballots and we probably filled out 20 of them or so (was it more, Lacy?), mostly voting for our friends and boyfriends. They made the royalty, and word got back to the teacher in charge what we had done. We had to go apologize to him and for a second we were a little worried about what else might happen, but our punishment was that we couldn't vote on the king. Sadly, neither of our boyfriends won.

Who were your favorite teachers? Coach Higgins (physics teacher and basketball coach), Mrs. Jacobsen (English and Creative Writing), Mr.Lister (choir and Trilogy), Brother Passey (seminary)

Could you still sing the fight song? I just did the other night at the football game. "Pine View shall reign victorious, of this we have no fear..."

Where did you sit during lunch? With Becky.

What was your school's full name? Pine View Panthers

Did you go to Homecoming? Yes, I went with Mark Madsen (smartest guy). We had had an on-again, off-again relationship all during our junior year and this was the end of the line for us. One of my biggest regrets is the way I handled it. I should have been more honest with him than I was, and I feel bad that he had such bad feelings toward me for so long. Homecoming was at Tuacahn (outdoor amphitheater), and the setting was awesome. I just wasn't into it anymore, and I spent part of the night flirting with Tyler while Mark was getting Senior Class pictures taken.

What do you remember most about graduation?
John Mizukawa, our student body president, sang part of "Time of Your Life" by Green Day during his speech. I thought that was so brave, and I'll never forget it. All the seniors in choir and orchestra performed "No One is Alone" by Stephen Sondheim, which was just strange, but it was fun. We also gave Mr. Broadhead, our principal, little army men as we came through the PV. What was that about?

Where did you go senior skip day? Senior Skip Day was scheduled the same day we had a softball game and the baseball team had a baseball game (I still wonder if Mark did that maliciously), so I didn't get to go. Instead, I watched Titanic with Tyler at Holly Humphries house.

What was the best part of high school? Basketball, and I would say that it was the worst part of high school, too. I experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows playing. It was the hardest thing I did and it was also the best. Isn't that how life goes?

Over the weekend, we went to St. George for my 10-year high school reunion. It was a lot of fun to see people I haven't seen in years. It's hard to believe that 10 years have gone by, because it just doesn't seem possible. I only took a few pics, and somehow only came home with three of them, so here is the one group shot I got. It's a little blurry, but at least it's proof. Some of the people I was really hoping to see didn't show up, and that was a bummer, but it was fun to see the ones that were there.


This is me and Lacy (my partner in the Sadie's scam). We played volleyball together when we weren't rigging royalties.


This is me and Sara, who played basketball with me forever. She was one of the ones who didn't play senior year, but she had a valid excuse. Sara's husband was busy working (he pitches for the Diamondbacks), and Jeff was busy watching football, so she and I sat together during the dinner and reminisced. It was fun, but we both came away with headaches. Either from all the noise, or from remembering one girl who seemed to hate us both.

The story of the night is from the very end. We were in agreement that most people hadn't changed all that much. But one guy had changed a lot, and where he once was skinny with blond curly hair, showed up at the reunion looking like Hulk Hogan's younger brother. He had the hair, the muscles, everything. It was great. Apparently, he brought his own alcohol to the dinner, because by the end of the night you could smell him from five feet away and he was getting loud and silly. As I already said, Jeff wasn't with me at the dinner, and I found myself chatting with "Hulk jr." He asked me whether or not my husband was hot, and then said, "Because you're looking pretty good, and if he looks like you, then he's got to be hot!" I laughed, but he wouldn't let it drop. He just kept telling me that I looked good, and he was trying to be conservative because he didn't want my husband to hit him for saying it.

I walked away saying, "Was he hitting on me?" And then I thought, "I can't wait to tell Jeff!" He thought it was great, especially because he was obviously drunk. Oh, and he was married, too. That could've had something to do with my headache, too, I suppose.

But it was a fun weekend. A tad awkward at times, but still fun.

A TRUE gifted child

We got a note from Damon's school from the "Gifted and Talented" teacher ( do they still call it that?) with a list of characteristics of gifted children. A checklist, if you will, for determining whether or not our child is gifted. It was fun to read over the list and try to determine whether or not Damon possesses any of the characteristics listed. But it got me thinking about what a gifted child is. And I have come up with my own checklist.

What A Gifted Child Looks Like to Me

• Has mastered potty-training at an early age (read: 18 months), and never has accidents. Not even at night.
• Shows proficiency early in verbal communication, and doesn't ever resort to throwing temper tantrums or screaming at the top of their lungs "just for fun."
• Shows extraordinary ability in folding and putting away the laundry.
• Has an uncanny knack for cleaning and never has to be reminded to clean up after themselves.
• Easily grasps the concept of time, and can wake themselves up in the morning at precisely 7:00 on school days, 9:30 on weekends.
  
• Displays knowledge of foods and cooking of all types, and is willing to take over the household cooking responsibilities.
• Loves nature, and spends hours performing tasks such as weeding, edging and watering.
• Understands his/her own body well, and puts him/herself to sleep without complaint before he/she gets overtired.
• Is extraordinarily kind, patient and loving, and is able to be left alone with the younger children for hours at a time unsupervised.

Do you have a gifted child at your house? If so, I have three I would be willing to trade in exchange.

The Haps

I just got back from a fabulous girls weekend in Las Vegas, but am waiting for my mom to post some pics so I can swipe them to post here. Instead, I thought I would write about our progress in the sleep department with the girls.

You may or may not recall that we have been having issues with the girls at night. Kyla would go to bed first, and nearly every night would be awaken by Allie, who usually threw a fit at her bedtime. Neither one could fall asleep easily after that, and we had two tired girls in the morning. Kyla is also trying to transition to one nap, which is hard and leads to a lot of extra whining. So, I had finally had it. I checked out Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child from the library and read, trying to find a solution. If any of you are familiar with Dr. Weissbluth, he is all about early bedtimes (like 5:30 or 6:00). And while I knew I could never do that, I could commit to earlier bedtimes (Kyla was going to bed around 7 :30 and Allie at 8:00). So, we started Kyla in bed at 7:00 and she did great. Until she started waking up before 6:00 and screaming for Allie, which then woke us all up.


Back to the drawing board. I finally admitted that the girls are just not ready to share a room. But we don't have an extra room available for KyKy, so she got relegated to the dark, windowless store room in a pack n play. It has been wonderful! Because it's dark, she wakes up later, and because she's alone in there, even if she does wake up earlier, she doesn't get out of bed until the other kids get up. So, yay for KyKy. These pics are from Sunday, when Kyla found a cupcake with plenty of icing (I had scraped the icing off of hers, just to avoid this scenario). It was really quite humorous watching her enjoy the cupcake and I loved these pics.


Allie has a different struggle, in that she doesn't like to go to sleep and she gets herself overtired. So, following Dr. Weissbluth's suggestion, we came up with and earlier bed time, 7:30, and Allie's Sleep Rules. They are: Stay in bed, close your eyes, lay very quietly, go to sleep, stay in bed until morning. We made a chart and have gone over them repeatedly, until she knows them all. If she follows sleep rules, she gets a dum-dum in the morning. And she can choose the flavor. I also added in that she can have a dum-dum if she stays dry all night, because she started having trouble with that again. She's been doing great staying dry, but has probably only gotten 3 suckers for following sleep rules perfectly. BUT she's doing much, much better and there is far less fighting and crying. So, we are grateful for that.

Allie also started a gymnastics class on Wednesday and was the only one wearing a leotard with her undies sticking out the bottom. It was great. The first day was a little rough (she was especially emotional, it may have been one of "those" days for her!), but she told me yesterday that she is going to have a good attitude this week and follow the teacher. Jeff took this picture of her a couple weeks ago. Unfortunately, this is how she looks most of the time. We still have intense battles over combing her hair, so if I don't feel that it is absolutely necessary, I don't fight her on it.

Damon seems to be doing great in school. He clings to his cousin, David, whenever possible, but he seems to really enjoy it and is doing well. His big news is that he finally lost his top tooth that has been loose for months. He had about wiggled it out and asked Jeff to pull it out, because it was hurting him. Jeff was having some difficulty, so I suggested the pliers. Damon wasn't so sure about that, but braved the tears and let him do it. It was the easiest tooth Jeff has ever extracted and we are all loving Damon's new grin.



Oh, and here are two funnies from Allie.

1. Yesterday Allie was listening to My Playlist and "Crush" came on. From the other room, I hear, "I love David Archuleta....and David Cook." Then she followed that up with, "I love Kyla and Damon." Then after a long pause, she said, "And mom." Well, at least I'm still making the list. I didn't hear any mention of Jeff.

2. My mom is finished with her chemo and on to radiation (yay! Check out her blog if you aren't already an avid reader). We talked to the kids about it and how now we can start praying for grandma's hair to grow back. So, Allie said in her prayer, "Bless grandma's hair to grow back," but didn't stop there. Next, she said, "And bless grandpa's hair to grow back, too." We may have to have a discussion with her about baldness...

How Would You Fare?

Thank you Kim for tagging me with this. Thankfully, it could've been much, much worse. The tag is this. Go take pictures of things in your home AS THEY ARE....RIGHT NOW, no "fixing" it before you snap the picture!

1. Mine and Jeff's closet. It's tiny, so we have some of our clothes scattered in the kids' closets.

2. The kitchen sink. It's actually odd that there are no dirty dishes in there. We don't have a dishwasher down here, so there are usually a few in the sink waiting to be washed.


I tag anyone who wants to do this. I don't blame you if you pass.
3. Toilet in our bathroom. The toilet in the other bathroom is new and has been installed, but is still waiting on a hose attachment before it is usable. It's sure fun sharing one bathroom! Moments before taking this pic (before the tag), I fished about 30 "kid wipes" out of the toilet (you can see one on the counter). I'm still wondering how that happened.


4. Laundry Room, which is also the bathroom that is "under construction." You can see tools on the counter waiting to finish the job.


5. Kids. Damon doing art, the girls doing something with books outside.



6. Pets. Jeff's lizard, a uromastyx. He has four of them.


7. Place you want to visit. Santorini, Greece. Someday.


8. Fridge/Freezer "Pretty dang exciting."


9. Favorite Room. I guess that would have to be our bedroom because the kids aren't in there very often. We love having a king bed, but it's too firm for me. I'm looking for a twin size memory foam for my side.


10. Favorite Shoe. These are several years old, but so comfy. And apparently greasy.


11. Self Portrait. Lovely.

To Whom it May Concern

When I went to Damon's open house at his school, his teacher had all of the parents write a little paragraph about their child, with information she might need to know to help her be a better teacher for them. I wrote a few things about Damon that I thought would be helpful, but I haven't been able to really stop thinking about that question. So, for posterity's sake, here is what I would REALLY like to tell her.

To: Mrs. Wayment
Re: Things You Should Know About My Son

This isn't the first time I have turned my son, my sweet Damon, over to the care of someone for the majority of his days, but that doesn't mean it's not painful to do so. There are so many things I want to tell you about him, and I'm so excited that you get to know him. He's an incredible boy, and you're lucky to have him.

Damon is a happy boy with an infectious laugh. He is easily delighted, and his eyes shine with excitement for life. He has got the kindest, sweetest heart, and needs life to be kind to him. He has always been uncomfortable with drama of any kind, and can't bear to be a part of something that has the potential to end unhappily. He experiences anxiety frequently, but is learning to be brave.

Damon has always been more comfortable around adults than children his own age, and doesn't make friends easily. However, he craves companionship, and will be fiercely loyal to the friends he does have. He will be respectful of you and he will do what you ask of him.


While he may not get into trouble often, he does have a tendency to occasionally let silliness over rule his better judgment. It won't take much correction for him to feel remorseful. No one will be a harsher critic of him than he will be, and he will punish himself more effectively than you ever could.

Damon loves to learn, and will pick things up easily. He may, at times, act like a show-off, but realize he is only trying to impress you, the newest person in his life. He will usually give you a good effort, but will always need encouragement to do better. He's not going to push himself.

At times, he may get emotional, especially if he feels he is going to fail at something. But he is determined, and that determination will eventually win out. He is also very affectionate, and responds well to physical contact as affirmation of his behavior.



I love my son. And I know that you will, too. I hope that during this year, you get to know all about him. Because even though there are things about him that will drive you crazy, he will win you over with those big green eyes and dimpled cheeks. Thank you for taking on the responsibility of teaching him in this all-important year. Help him to be a better student and a better friend. And then, please, give him back to me. I can't imagine my life without him.

Sincerely,
Krystal Trapnell

"Those" Days

Yesterday was one of those days.

No, I mean one of "those" days. The one that occurs with regularity every month. You know the kind I'm talking about. You wake up in a bad mood. A small grouping of pimples pops up in a localized area of your face. Your body aches all over, and you hope you can sleep in an extra half hour to shorten the day somewhat. But your baby wakes up at 6:30 and stands in her bed yelling, "Allie!," and so you have to jump up and get her, lest she wake up your less-than-chipper-in-the-early-morning three year old. That's when you notice that your patience is already shot and you've only been out of bed for 30 seconds. Oh yes, it's going to be one of "those" days.

You would think that my family would be able to recognize the signs, and steer clear. But for some reason, they seem oblivious. On one of "those" days, Kyla should know that when she starts whining at 8:30 in the morning, she's going to end up back in bed. Allie should know that I'm not going to react well when she starts throwing a fit, deliberately unfolding all the clothes I have just folded. She should be expecting the force in which she was yanked into timeout, and not seem shocked to be handled so roughly. She should also know that when I tell her I am sick to death of reading "Dr. DeSoto goes to Africa" that she's not going to talk me into reading it. There's just no point in arguing. And the discussion is probably going to end with me tossing the book across the room.

Damon should know that when he wants a treat after dinner, and I tell him I need him to help me clean up, he should just zip his mouth and help, instead of whining and complaining. He shouldn't be too surprised when his after dinner treat gets yanked from him without discussion. And Jeff really should know better. He should realize that telling me it's going to cost more than a dollar in gas to drive to Maverik to return my movie is not what I want to hear when all I really want to do is get out. He should know better than to tell me I'm talking to him like a two-year old as I try to explain to him where my checkbook is. But somehow, he missed the signs, too, and had to ask, "what is going on with you?"

That's when I decided. I need a sign around my neck, something to give everyone who comes within 50 feet of me fair warning. Maybe it could say something like, "Mom's Raging," or "Proceed with Extreme Caution." But Allie and Kyla can't read, and it might not be fair to them not to be warned. So, maybe I could just lock the bedroom door, answering all knocks with, "take care of yourself today!" But that would leave Allie in charge, and that could only mean disaster. So I've decided. I think I will wear my Wicked shirt. That's something everyone should be able to recognize, and easily understand. And with any luck, it will ONLY be once a month that I have one of "those" days.

Fun Little Survey

1. Do you like blue cheese? No
2. Have you ever smoked? No, but I liked to pretend that I was on a cold day when I could see my breath. Why were we fascinated with smoking as kids?
3. Do you own a gun? No, and I don't really want one.
4. What flavor Kool Aid is your favorite? I am trying to remember...back in the days when we used to drink kool-aid (college), we had a favorite flavor in a pink package. Was is strawberry kiwi? watermelon cherry? I can't remember.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Always. I always worry that something will be wrong with me or my baby (usually that's why I am at the doctor--because I'm pregnant).
6. What do you think of hot dogs?Not my favorite. Will eat occasionally.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? The Grinch (the Jim Carrey version). A favorite of my family.
8. Favorite thing to drink in the morning? Milk with my oatmeal.
9. Can you do push ups? Yes, but not as many as I once could.
11. Favorite hobby? I love to read. I go through phases where I love to write. I love sports (watching and playing).
12. Do you have A.D.D.? No.
13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? I have a hard time approaching people. I wish I were friendlier.
14. Middle name? Karen
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. 1. I wonder what Allie's doing. 2. I need to put my vacuum away. 3. Why am I not friendlier?
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? water and milk are the only things I drink regularly.
17. Current worry? Whether or not we're going to get the house we want.
18. Current hate right now? America's Got Talent. It has become a complete sham and we couldn't watch more than 5 minutes of it.
19. Favorite place to be? On a trip with Jeff.
20. How did you bring in the New Year? Party at Jeff's brother's house.
21. Where would you like to go? Greece, Croatia, Italy, the Carrie Underwood concert in November.
22. Name three people who will complete this:
23. Do you own slippers? yes, two pairs. A must if you live in the basement.
24. What shirt are you wearing? a WICKED t-shirt my SIL gave me. "It's time to try defying gravity!"
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No way. I can just imagine my dry feet rubbing across the sheets and that gives me the chills. Yuck!
26. Can you whistle? Yeah, but nothing to be too proud of.
27. Favorite color? Blue.
28. Would you be a pirate? Gross. Bad hygiene, terrible diet, worse teeth...no way.
30. Favorite Girl's Name? I have always loved Lydia. Jeff doesn't.
31. Favorite boy's name? When I was about 13, I would've said Zack. Now I don't really have a favorite. Maybe Damon?
32. What's in your pocket right now? No pockets.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? Kyla trying to say "pickle," and eating 3 at lunch.
34. What vehicle do you drive? Toyota Sienna. Yep, I'm a minivan mom.
35. Worst injury you've ever had? Broken foot, broken arm, appendix out...nothing too major.
36. Do you love where you live? I love being back in Utah (most of the time). I am anxious to be in our own house, but I love not having to pay rent!
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? Two, but only one is hooked up.
38. Who is your loudest friend? Daisy Commander.
39. Do you have any pets? Four lizards, but they are Jeff's, not mine.
40. Does someone have a crush on you? I think Damon does.
41. Your favorite book(s): Tough to narrow it down...Pride and Prejudice is always up there, Twilight before it got so madly popular, To Kill a Mockingbird, Stargirl, Austenland, The Giver, East of Eden...
42. Do you collect anything? children :) Is three a good enough collection?
43. Favorite Sports Team? Boston Red Sox and Utah Jazz, Ohio State Buckeyes and BYU Cougars
44. What song do you want played at your funeral? I have never really thought about that before. I'm thinking that Jeff will probably go before me, so probably something happy for a reunion between the two of us and our son, Chance. I think we'll swing each other around and around like Pam and Emily do in Saturday's Warrior. What would be an appropriate song for that?

David Beckham?

This may or may not come as a surprise to you, but I was very competitive as a child. Very. I always wanted to win, and I always wanted to be the best at everything.

I remember once in fifth grade (my most competitive year) when I wrote a report about Japan. I chose Japan because my dad had served his mission there and had a geisha doll with a tiny fan that we always wanted to play with. I remember pulling out the old-as-the-hills encyclopedia and reading all about Japan. I spent quite some time tracing a map of the islands, labeling each one. I thought it was a masterpiece and was sure I would get 100% on the report. And so I was devastated when I didn't. I cried when I got my score (if I remember correctly, I got 90%--a travesty). I'm sure my teacher felt horrible for me, because the next time I did a report (on Ted Williams), I got 100%. Thank you very much.

Not only did I want to be the best at everything, but I hated to lose. I was never a poor sport (I don't think I was, but I could be wrong), but I always had a hard time hiding my frustration when I lost. My dad was always giving me a very specific piece of advice: "Chill out!" And for the most part, I have. I have (unfortunately) had to deal with losing more than I would like to admit. I stopped crying so much about losing, and realized that it's okay if I'm not the best at everything.

But I still don't like it. And I am seeing a lot of that in Damon. He definitely wants to be the best at everything and gets instantly frustrated if things aren't easy. He participated in a free basketball class when he was 3 (in Columbus, where he was the only white boy in the class), and felt he didn't match up with the rest of the kids in his class. He refused to play and we took a hiatus from sports. But Jeff isn't ready to turn him loose to singing and dancing. He wants him to give sports a chance. And so, we signed him up to play soccer.

Damon was very worried about it, especially after his first practice. He didn't understand that just because you fall down, it doesn't mean you're a bad player. He had his first game last night, and Jeff promised him a special treat if he tried his best and didn't give up. And I have to say, we were pleasantly surprised with his effort. He wasn't the best on the team, but he wasn't the worst either. He held his own out there, and popped up every time he fell. And although he was still worried about losing ("I don't want to lose," he confided in me before the game), no one was keeping score, so he could try not to think about what the score was (although he knew).

He was thrilled for his teammates when they scored a goal, and is excited to go back. In fact, last night in our family prayer he said, "we're thankful I'm good at soccer." Yes, we are. Actually, we're glad he's not rolling around on the ground crying because he's not the best.

Allie van Gogh

I am in the kitchen listening in on a "conversation" Allie and Kyla are having. I don't understand most of it, but I did catch the part when Allie sang, "I kissed a boy, it's not worth it." That made me smile. An experience we had two weeks ago with Allie didn't make any of us smile.

I was in bed and Jeff came in with a tiny bottle of yellow paint. It was empty. "Do you know what this is?," he asked.

"It's paint from Damon's art kit. Why?"

"Allie painted all over Kyla's crib with it. What should we do?" I was still in a stupor, having been woken up. I am not the most chipper gal first thing in the morning, and it takes me a few minutes to shake of the sleepies. I didn't know how to respond to that question. I was barely processing the fact that Allie had done something bad, and my brain had no room to come up with a consequence for her.

"I don't know." I rolled out of bed and went into the scene of the crime. Yes, even to someone half asleep, it was obvious that Allie had painted the crib (and parts of the wall and door) yellow.


I found a very sad girl in there, too. I put her up on the rocker and asked her what had happened. Finally, after many many tears and claims of, "I'm scared," she confessed.

"I woke up and saw the paint." The rest follows logically. It only makes sense that she needed to use the paint to change the color of the crib to match the crib sheet and blanket. Why was that so hard for me to understand?



I know she may look contrite, and you may wonder how on earth we could punish such a sad little girl, but we did. Actually, I did, because Jeff was long gone by this time. We spent the morning cleaning up (it did come off, thankfully, as it was washable paint designed for kids), and Allie spent a considerable amount of time in that rocker as I iced my hand down after the hardest spanking I had ever given her. That is, until a few days later when we battled over something else.

I think she learned her lesson. I hope so. Yesterday I found her in the bathroom washing something purple off her hands. I asked her what it was. She wouldn't tell me. But I found an open bottle of purple paint in my bedroom. Yes, she learned her lesson. Or I caught her early enough that she hadn't had time to paint my furniture.