January post

So, it's been a while. I've been busy trying to get my last three years of blogging published (Blurb was finally working for blogger, which is great!). It's been fun to read through the last three years of our lives, but it was a lot of work. I am happy with the final result (3 books-one for each year), though, and hope we will enjoy them for many years to come.

We are surviving the winter here, but not particularly enjoying it. The recent warm spell was lost on me. We still had ugly, dirty snow everywhere, which meant we couldn't go outside and enjoy the "warm" weather, but Damon couldn't go out and play because the snow was just a big, icy mess. So we've been trapped inside wondering whether or not we should be grateful for warmer weather.

Damon has spent many hours making snowflakes and hanging them from his ceiling. He started karate last week (a class at Springville High School that lasts 6 weeks) and seemed to really enjoy it. It's sort of like dance, which he loves, but his dad approves, which he also loves. He also started a basketball clinic last night with the rest of the 1st grade boys. There were probably 40 boys there and only two or three that were wearing #11. Damon was one of them, purely by coincidence, and when I told him that was my number, he couldn't have been happier. It's too early to say whether or not he possesses any talent, but I'm so proud of him for actually trying. He's really grown up a lot.

Damon is also in charge of feeding the dog and rabbits (neither of which are ours, by the way) every morning. He earns 50 cents a day doing this (from grandpa) and has saved a lot of money (a lot of money for a 6 year old is more than $20. That's a lot of money for me, come to think of it.). He used his savings to buy a gun--a pistol that shoots out rubber ammo. Jeff couldn't be happier!

Damon working on his homework. You can see a paper for snowflakes on the dresser.


Allie loves Barbie movies. Every week when we go to the library she picks one out and watches it every day during Kyla's nap. Her favorites are Princess and the Pauper (which came with a bonus cd to listen to, which was plenty of fun for the rest of us in the house), The Diamond Castle and Mermaidia. If you haven't ever seen them, they are chick flicks for little girls. Barbie plays a variety of characters and always ends up with a cute boy (confessing love, but never kissing). It's good clean fun and I don't mind how much she enjoys them.

She still changes her clothes several times a day, but I try not to be too bugged. As long as she keeps shoving things back in her drawer instead of throwing it in the dirty laundry, I don't say anything. A funny story from last month--we were at Target and looking at leggings (one of Allie's favorite things). She started shimmying out of her pants to try them on, right there in the middle of the store. I quickly told her that she couldn't do that, that there were people all around that could see her. Before we knew it, we spotted Allie under a shelf of clothes, pants off, trying to slip the leggings on. At least it was semi-private. Tara and I laughed so hard, that is just so Allie.

Kyla suddenly is so big. She is a full grown person in a little body, and I am constantly reminded that she is no longer a baby. She climbs out of her bed several times at both nap time and bed time, but she doesn't cry. She'll knock on the door and sit and wait patiently until I come in to put her back to bed. She loves to copy Damon and Allie and started telling knock-knock jokes. Well, she tells one knock-knock joke and I made the mistake of laughing one time, so now she thinks it's so hilarious. It goes like this:

knock-knock
who's there?
banana
banana who?
apple

I laughed because I knew she had heard Damon tell the "orange you glad I didn't say banana" joke one too many times and thought she understood why it was funny. She grins so big when she says "apple," like she just came up with the best punchline ever.

She also started singing (chanting really) a song she learned in nursery. It goes like this, "a doo doo, a doo doo, blub blub blub. Oh NO!" We didn't know what she was singing until Allie informed us that she was doing "Slippery fish, slippery fish, swimming in the water. Glub, glub, glub. OH NO! He got eaten by a great white shark...etc." We thought that was pretty funny, which of course only encouraged her and now she does that all the time, too.

Kyla has also started this very endearing thing of pronouncing her words with emphasis on the second syllable, like she's mad or frustrated: "mom-MEE, dad-DEE, al-LIE, ma-MON," you get the point. It's funny for about two minutes and then it gets annoying.

A very common sight at breakfast time--Kyla won't sit unless strapped in, with two bowls of cereal. She is our finisher and likes to eat whatever Damon and Allie leave behind.


Jeff and I are doing well, too. We just finished season 4 of Alias and will start season 5 (the final season) when he gets back from his hiking trip. I asked him what we're going to do when we're done, and he said, "you can go back to going to bed at nine and sleeping your life away." Truthfully, I never go to bed at nine, but before we started our Alias frenzy I did go to be before him and usually get up after him. I try to tell him that most nights I am up at least once to coax a child (usually Allie) back into bed, but he didn't accept that as a valid excuse. So, if any of you have any good suggestions for tv series on dvd that we could start, it would be much appreciated. We've thought about 24, because my SIL said we HAVE to watch it. Any thoughts?

I have a lot more, but this is getting very long so I will stop for now. Here is one more pic of Jeff's mom's new dog, Tina (she was the dog of a patient of Nancy's that died and needed a home, so she came here). She spends a lot of time down here with the kids and she loves watching "doggie tv," which is actually Jeff's lizards in their cages. I doubt it's as good as Alias, but whatever.

January

I know I haven't posted pictures forever. We just haven't taken that many, and the few times I have tried to post them here, it has taken way too long and I gave up. Now, though, I finally got the pics I wanted on here, so no more boring pictureless posts.

Allie likes to help me do the dishes. Although, usually she starts washing dishes and ends up washing her baby dolls instead. Still, I pretend like she's actually helping and let her do it. There is a limit to the number of dishes I like to wash a day...

She also likes to dress herself, and has been reminding me more and more of Punky Brewster lately. I actually let her leave the house the other day looking like this:

Her "rose dress," which she wears at least five days a week, leggings because I reminded her it was cold outside, her new socks and shoes, and a hoodie, because she doesn't like any other jackets that she has. She's standing in front of Kyla's pack n play in the store room, AKA Kyla's room. Kyla proved to us all yesterday that she can climb out of both the crib and the pack n play (she succumbed to our repeated chants of "show us!") , which could make for a very interesting nap time today.

Kyla also has started this funny facial expression when you say, "show me your smile!"

I don't know exactly what she thinks she's doing, but we find it quite hilarious. She also does it when she is embarrassed and wants to disappear.

Allie emptied out Damon's tool box one day and filled it with her own "tools."

I laughed too hard to be upset. Besides, I haven't had much use for these lately, anyway. My body is still trying to figure out that I'm not pregnant anymore, and I'm patiently waiting to have another period so we can assume that everything is working properly. Maybe I should keep the tool box around just in case...

The kids have also been enjoying the snow, although we really need a fresh layer of powder if we want to play in it again. We went sledding one day and found a kid's snowboard on the side of the road. Damon impressed us all by learning to ride down the hill without crashing. It only took him a few tries and now he proudly announces, "I am the only person in my family who knows how to snowboard." He can't wait to go again, but all the good snow is gone.

Damon can play out in the snow for hours. He wears his bibs and boots to school every day so he will be ready for recess. Kyla can stay outside a long time, too, and doesn't seem to mind the cold. Allie, on the other hand, can last about 20 minutes. Then she has had enough. Jeff and I giggle every time we get KyKy dressed up in her snow suit. There is just something that screams A Christmas Story ("wait up guys!")

Damon, in what has become his "school uniform."

Seven Things

Suzanne tagged me quite a while back, but I haven't done it until now. Basically, the tag was to tell 7 things about yourself, either quirky or interesting. Don't kid yourself by thinking that I waited so long to do it because I was coming up with really interesting stuff. You'll be sorely disappointed. But, here are 7 things about me that you maybe didn't already know.

1. I can't do food like jell-o's, yogurts, ice creams, etc with any chunks in them. It grosses me out. Even looking at yogurt with chunks of fruit in it makes me gag a little.

2. When the battery on my cell phone shows only one bar, it makes me anxious. I have to plug it in immediately.

3. I watch a lot of tv. But I also read a lot, so I try to convince myself that it balances out. I go to the library at least once a week, but usually more than once. Whoever invented public libraries was a genius. My goal is to always be reading something, so that at any time if someone asks, "what are you reading right now?" I will have an answer.

4. Playing sports in high school, I was never uncomfortable being seen in my bra and underwear (I never wore "panties." The sexiest thing I owned were bikini style Hanes). But, unlike boys, girls don't get naked in front of each other and I would have been very embarrassed to be seen naked, even by my best friends who saw me in bra and undies all the time. There was only one time when things got a little crazy and we got naked (Suzanne, you know what's coming. Serves you right for tagging me!). We were swimming at Brooke Bailey's pool, and three of us (Suzanne, Jess (BJ) and myself) decided that skinny dipping sounded pretty good. Laughing embarrassedly, we all peeled off our suits and swam around in the warm water. We even went so far as to venture out of the pool, only to streak across the way to the jacuzzi. Fun times.

5. I do my best thinking in the shower. I've never been one to sing much while showering, but I find that some of my best ideas occur while lathering up.

6. I can't stand being late. I get really anxious when it is apparent that we're going to be late, or even cutting it close. It is also more than slightly annoying that certain members of Jeff's family are habitually 30+ minutes late.

7. Remember before when I said I watch a lot of tv? I also get way too involved with the shows I watch. I stopped watching Gilmore Girls for a while during the Lorelai/Christopher marriage phase because it made me so sad. I dreamed about Izzie and Alex last week, even though I haven't watched Gray's Anatomy at all this season. And sometimes when I'm trying to fall asleep, I imagine scenarios of how my favorite couples would get back together.

Thanks everyone for humoring me a while back and voting for your favorite couples. Here are my top five (combined with your votes).

5. Sydney and Vaughn. I know no one voted for them, so this is purely my opinion. But Jeff and I have been watching Alias (we're up through season 3) and they have to be one of the best couples.

4. JD and Elliott. Again, no votes other than my own. But trust me, they are one of those "meant to be" couples. And they got together again last night (on Scrubs, if you aren't aware), and hopefully will have one last magical season together too!

3. Jim and Pam. They have got to be my favorite couple on tv right now, and that whole first season of denying their attraction was awesome!

2. Ross and Rachel. I was a huge Friends fan and watched their first kiss over and over and over. Love them! May there always be reruns!

1. Zack and Kelly. I doubt there could be a bigger Saved by the Bell fan than I was (okay, maybe Kellee Jacobsen. She and I were probably equal on that one). I was bummed that College Years was only one season, and I would probably still be watching it today if it had continued. But yay for happy endings, even if we had to endure the strangest Vegas wedding ever!

Date Night

You know the song Hot n Cold by Katy Perry (not to be confused with her other big hit that no one in my house is allowed to listen to)? That is the perfect song for Allie. In fact, if you listen closely, you will hear her name. She sings, "You change your mind, like Allie changes clothes." What? That's not what it says? Oh, well, it should. Because she does change her mind as often as she changes clothes. She is either the most pleasant, happy girl or she is a monster in a dress. Or skirt with leggings. Or pjs. Or just her undies...

Honestly, Allie is "cold" a lot more than she is "hot." Don't get me wrong, I love her. Usually, though, I love her just as much as is required by law. Jeff commented the other day, "she makes our other kids seem like a breeze," and it's true. She constantly reminds us that she is going to do what she wants to do.

Wednesday we had scheduled "Mom and Allie Date Night" in an attempt to get back to our goal of spending one night a month with one of the kids. We hadn't planned anything specific, but she knew the night was going to be just for her and me and was looking forward to it. Wednesday morning she had made a big mess, by dumping out her drawer full of dishes/food and a bucket of wooden "gingerbread men," neither of which she played with for more than a few minutes. I told her that she needed to have them all put away before she could have lunch, to which I was greeted with the usual whines and complaints. "It's too hard," "I need help," and "I'm not doing it" were the excuses I heard most. I gently told her that she would not be able to eat until they were cleaned up, and I didn't think it was asking too much for her to clean up a small portion of the mess she had made.

Well, I knew she was stubborn, but I had no idea just how stubborn she could be. She informed me that she wasn't hungry and would clean up while I made dinner. This after she had claimed to be STARVING at 10:00 am when she asked if it was lunchtime. I told her that was fine, but that she wouldn't be getting anything to eat, not a bite, until dinner if the toys weren't cleaned up by 2:25(two and a half hours later), when we needed to go pick up Damon. Guess what? They weren't. So, she didn't eat.

Three hours later, I was making dinner, and I told her that if she didn't get the toys cleaned up, she wouldn't be eating dinner. "That's fine, I don't want dinner," she said. "Oh, and we won't be able to go on our date night, either." I had her. She was willing to give up food for the day, but she couldn't give up date night. Secretly, I was hoping she wouldn't clean them up, because I was in no mood to go anywhere with her. But, she had a sudden change of heart, and in 15 minutes, all the toys (which were now scattered throughout the house, not just in the spots she had dumped them out) were cleaned up. And she did it ALL BY HERSELF. She did try to coerce both Damon and KyKy into helping, but they weren't having any of it, and she had to do it alone.

So, I put on my happy face and asked her where she wanted to go for our date night. She chose to go to the mall and try on lip gloss. By the time we got there, she was her fun, happy self that I wish we saw a lot more often. We had a great time. She managed to come away from the arcade with a teddy bear from the machine with the claw that you position over the prizes and pretend not to be disappointed when it comes out empty. I was amazed. She got a new pair of shoes and six pair of socks for $3 at Famous Footwear (LOVE their $10 off $10 purchase rewards!). We tried on lipgloss, lotion and makeup at Bath and Bodyworks and Victoria's Secret. And then we ended the night by taking our photo in the photo booth. Mostly because I wanted to remember the uni-brow she had given herself with the eye shadow. Sorry, not a great quality scan, but you get the idea.



(I wish you could see the uni-brow better. Imagine the scene from A League of Their Own. "The eyebrows--thin and separate." Oh, and go ahead and recall the next part, with Marla Hooch--what a hitter. "What do you recommend?" "A lot of night games.")

When we walked in the door, I said, "Allie, thanks for a fun night."

She looked at me, and said, amazed, "It was a fun night!"

I hung our photos on the fridge, to remind myself that I do actually love her more than is required by law. A lot more. I just sometimes forget.

New Update

So, Pam Dana had an awesome idea that I am going to copy. For those of you who use Google Reader, I created an "update blog" that is public and you can add to your reader. Every time I post, I will also put it on the update and it will show up when you use your reader. This way, you won't have to keep checking to see if I have posted. If you want to do this, add

trapnellupdate.blogspot.com to your Google reader!

I know for me, I am about 10 times more likely to read the blogs that are in my Google Reader than I am to check the private ones. It's just so much easier. Hope this is helpful!

Temp Agency

If I worked at a Temp agency and my kids came in to ask me to get them a job, I don't think I would have too much trouble matching them to a career.

If Damon came in, I could choose from any number of jobs. He would be great at making greeting cards, as long as he has access to tape and ribbon, his two best friends. Of course, if High School Musical 52 is casting, I would send him right over there as a possible replacement to Zac Effron. Damon is a great innovator, and would be wonderful at coming up with great new products. Especially if the products include a lot of ribbon.

The first job I would offer to Allie would be food critic. She loves to taste everything, and is definitely the most adventurous at trying new things. She would be especially great at tasting things like mayonnaise, butter, or ranch dressing, all of which I have seen her drink out of a straw or eat with a spoon. If that didn't work out, Allie would also be a good radio show dj. She already knows who sings most of the songs on the radio, so she wouldn't require much training. And she could push the MUTE button so no one would hear her humming along, which she loves to do. She would have made a great telephone operator, if we lived in the 50's, but I don't think I could find much for her in that area today. Allie must not be considered for any type of manual labor, as she would call in sick every single day, so I wouldn't assign her anything in that area. Allie also won't be given any position in which she has to work with animals, as she still hasn't completely mastered the difference between a horse and a cow.

Kyla would be a great nurse in the nursery at the hospital, as she loves wrapping babies in blankets more than anything else. Of course, she would only be able to accept positions where verbal communication is not strictly required, unless everyone she works with is named, "Allie." Also, she will have to learn not to drop the babies on their heads quite so frequently. I would encourage her to train to be a professional boxer, or un Ultimate Fighter. The girl is tough and after seeing her fall, her face covered in blood, and barely crying at all, I believe she can take a punch. She could also be considered for positions where whining and complaining are not only accepted, but encouraged. I think I could find her a place on the San Antonio Spurs without too much trouble.

Smiling

Things that made me smile yesterday:

1. Kyla eating a buckeye with a spoon.
2. Allie telling me, "Kyla took the poo out of the bath tub!" It took me a minute to realize she was talking about the tub toy Pooh bear.
3. Allie quoting Nacho Libre, and using a high squeaky voice for Chancho. "Are you leaving us?" "I could never leave you, I just need to borrow some sweats."
4. Watching Hugh Jackman in Australia. Who would've thought an Australian cowboy could be so hot?
5. Remembering a conversation I had earlier this week with Damon.
D-"I felt the Holy Ghost yesterday."
K-"Oh yeah? What happened?"
D-"Some kids at church were being bad to me, so I said a prayer to have the Holy Ghost. Then, I just ignored them and they stopped!"

2008

2008 in Review, just like I did last year

1. What did you do in 2008? Said good-bye to all of our friends in Florida, moved to Utah, missed Jeff's graduation, spent a lot of time in St. George helping my mom as she underwent treatment for breast cancer.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I would give myself a B. I will make more for this year (and they will probably include continuations).

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Heather and Tara did. Julie did. All girls!

4. Did anyone close to you die? Again, thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit? Although I did get a passport in 2008, it has no stamps in it. Hopefully soon, though!

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A home of our own.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I can't recall the exact date, but it was on our drive home from Time Out for Women in Tallahassee in March when my mom called to tell me that she had found a lump in her breast that she was having removed. Of course, we all know that it turned out to be cancer and sent our family on a journey we never planned on having.

8. What was your biggest personal achievement of the year? Moving our family across the country and adjusting to a new life.

9. What was your biggest failure? Can't think of anything. Good sign?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? The biggest was my ectopic pregnancy, but it resolved itself without incident (however slowly). Hopefully 2009 will bring baby #4 to the Trapnell home!

11. What was the best thing you bought? Jeff's camera. We all have benefited from all the pictures he has taken with it.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Jeff for finishing school!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? All those associated with the collapse of the housing market, specifically those who granted loans to people who were far from being qualified.

14. Where did most of your money go? Loan repayment.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I don't get REALLY excited about very much, so this is a hard question. I would probably say one home after another when it looked like we had found exactly what we wanted. But, as we are still in the basement, obviously I have been disappointed each time. Now I'm trying NOT to get excited about anything until it's final!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? I have a few. "No One" by Alicia Keys, "Low" by Flo-rida, "All American Girl" by Carrie Underwood, "All I Wanna Do" by Sugarland, "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz, "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis and "Fall for You" by Secondhand Serenade.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer? a) happier. b) the same, I think. My clothes fit me the same. c) richer, but by no means rich. We are making money, but we are also paying back loans, so it doesn't actually FEEL like we have money. I am not complaining, though, it's fabulous to have an income!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Sleeping in past 8:00--there is so much I could do in the morning, if only I could pry myself out of bed!

20. Did you fall in love in 2008? It's pathetic, but I would say yes, with Dan and Serena.

21. What was your favorite TV program? The Office, So You Think You Can Dance, Gossip Girl, Scrubs

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No, still the usual suspects (The Lakers, The Florida Gators, The Yankees...)

23. What was the best book you read? East of Eden by John Steinbeck, Midwives by Chris Bohjalian, The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield and Austenland by Shannon Hale.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? Rock Band. So much fun!

26. What did you want and not get? A Wii Fit. I'll work on that one. A bike and bike trailer (because where would I store them?).

27. What was your favorite film of this year? I don't see many movies at the theater, but thanks to Redbox, I have seen a few this year. My favorites were probably The Dark Knight and Get Smart (love Steve Carrell).

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 29 (gulp) and bought myself tickets to the Carrie Underwood concert.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A good, "bosom friend" here in Springville. I miss that.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? The same as last year, only more sweatshirts and puffy vests. And warm boots.

31. What kept you sane? Blogging, as always. Facebook and reconnecting with old friends. Starting a new book club with old friends (even though I won't be able to go every month). Jeff's sister next door, and being close to family.

32. When you think about 2008 what sticks out in your mind? Lots of trips with my family. The best probably being our camping trip to Canyonlands and Arches. I never imagined camping and hiking for two days with three little kids could be so much fun.

33. Best moment of 2008? Phone calls to my brother, Eric, on his mission. The whole family "3 ways" each other on our cell phones, so we are all on there together, talking, laughing and crying. So sweet!

2008 was our best year yet, and I'm anxious to see what 2009 has in store for us. Happy New Year!

Christmas 08

Disclaimer: If you read my mom or my sister, Tara's, blog, you have already seen most of these pictures and are excused to go read a more original blog. For those of you who are left, this is our Christmas in St. George.

Jeff had big plans to hike in Zion, but the snow really slowed him down. Instead, he settled for taking pictures in Snow Canyon (understanding maybe for the first time how it got its name) and in the Gorge. It was so fun to see snow in southern Utah and so beautiful!

We took the kids to see Santa for the yearly picture, but Santa was taking an extended break, so we missed him. We did take a pic of all the kids in Santa's chair, though, which was just as good (the kids had all seen various Santas at other activities throughout the month, so they weren't too disappointed).


Christmas Eve was a nice, quiet affair, unlike years past, which meant we actually had time to perform the Nativity, which Damon had been practicing for for days. This is Damon (Joseph) and Maddux and Malakai (shepherd and wiseman). Damon had been looking all over for a stick to use as a staff, and even talked Jeff into driving him out to the desert to look for one (or was it Jeff who talked Damon into it?). Someone (my dad) left a perfect one on the door step on Christmas Eve and Damon was thrilled!

The kids also got their new jammies from the Pajama Elf (another tradition) and we got them to pose a little. Six of the eight grandkids (Alofipos and Trapnells--guess which ones are which). We really missed Heather and her family, especially during the program when I had to play the piano. :)

Damon and Kenya (lovingly called Nena by all, even those who can pronounce her name). Of course he is holding her hand, it wouldn't be any other way with Damon.

The three girls.

Christmas morning we managed to get one shot of the kids lined up on the stairs (I'm not sure where KyKy was), but no other pictures of presents. Let's just say that everyone seemed to have a great time and only a few tears were shed when all the presents were opened.

We made it back to Springville in time to see all the snow before it melted. I'm just kidding, it is far from being melted. Jeff took this pic of the kids yesterday before church. Damon asked for a suit for Christmas and I was lucky enough to find one at Kid to Kid for $12.99. He was so excited, even when he found the price tag and learned that it was from Kid to Kid. I hope he never gets tired of second hand clothes! Allie's dress is new, too, bought by grandma, and she loves it. Kyla's is new to her (aka, was Allie's once), but she hasn't complained, either.

I didn't get most of what I asked Santa for, but I did get some new pots and pans, so I can't complain. It was truly a very nice Christmas and I am looking forward to spending the new year with the Trapnell family.

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,
My mom asked me the other night what I wanted for Christmas. I told her I'd have to get back to her on that, because I really didn't know. After thinking long and hard about that question, I decided I would write you a letter, with my Christmas wish list. A while back, I made a list of all the things I would like to have someday. You can keep that list in mind, as those things haven't changed, but I'm not asking you for any of those things. My list this year is a little different.

The first thing I would like is to do away with lunch. If you could just make it so that no one in my family is hungry between the hours of 8:00 am and 5:30 pm that would be fantastic. I wouldn't complain about feeding my family those two meals, and I wouldn't complain about having to wash all the dishes by hand, because we have no dishwasher. I would think this would be an attractive idea to you as well, as I'm sure you would have no trouble shedding those extra pounds if you were never hungry during the day, so just think about it before you say no (or tell me to take it up with The Big Man who made our bodies this way. I've already pleaded my case to Him, and so far, naughta).

Oh, and while we're dealing with vast improbabilities, I would also like a self-cleaning kitchen floor. Do you happen to have anything like that in your black bag?

If, for some reason, you aren't able to grant either of those wishes, I also have a few backup ideas. Could you please keep Damon from becoming cynical, at least for the next five years? I know the day is fast approaching when he will learn the truth about this magical world he lives in, and I can't stand the thought of his not believing in you anymore. Please keep him sweet and innocent, even if that means that he would rather snuggle with his mom than go out and play with his friends, and dance around his room listening to High School Musical rather than play sports. Oh, and when the time comes, could you make sure I'm not the one who has to break the news to him?

I'd also appreciate it if you would bring Allie a little work ethic. When I told her the other day that she needed to learn to clean up her own messes so that she won't be lazy like the Roloff kids, she told me, "I want to be lazy." I realize she is still little, so I'm not asking that she suddenly morph into a cleaning maniac, but it would be amazing if she could occasionally clean up her messes without having to be bribed or threatened.

While you're at it, could you help Kyla's hair to grow in a little thicker (and a little faster)? The she-mullet she is currently sporting, while helping her to be identified as a girl, is not the least bit flattering or attractive. We'd all appreciate it if you could help us out with that one.

My kids are going to ask you for all kinds of things, and while I know you will do your best to make them happy, we'd like you to know that we'd gladly trade everything you've got for us if you will help my mom to regain her strength, and stay cancer free. And not just because we want her to watch our kids in February so we can go on vacation, but because we all miss her boundless energy, and we want her to be around for a long, long time.

I hope you will take these things into consideration this Christmas, Santa. Oh, and don't forget peace on earth and good will toward men, of course.

Love,
Krystal

Christmas Card

Due to high demand, I am not sending out quite as many Christmas cards this year (just kidding about the demand part). Those of you who read my blog know more about my life and my kids than you'd probably ever care to, so I am not sending many out to my blogger friends. If you would like a copy in the mail, leave me a comment and I would love to send you one. The letter is not my best effort, but Jeff liked it, and rather than spend any more time on it, I opted to just send it out. So, there you have it.

Merry Christmas 2008!

Amazing that another year has come and gone. It seems like a lot has happened in the Trapnell household, yet things remain basically the same. We moved back to Utah, the kids are growing up, and Jeff and I have a few more wrinkles around our eyes than we did last year.

To recap 2008, we present the First Annual Trapnell Family Awards for your reading pleasure:

Dentition Award

Nominees:

Jeff-Perfected the art of straightening teeth in the clinic at Jacksonville University

Damon-Lost eight teeth, making the perfect Dracula for Halloween

Kyla-Survived the eruption of 12 new teeth, including those nasty molars

Winner:Kyla, in a close vote. She would like to thank her mom for giving her lots of popsicles during the teething process.

Hobby Lobby Award

Nominees:

Jeff-Bought a new camera, took amazing photos of the Grand Canyon, Arches, and Canyonlands.

Krystal-Started digital scrapbooking, actually stayed caught up with the family's activities

Damon-Learned to ride his bike (finally) and cruised around the neighborhood.

Allie-Realized she can entertain herself by playing with toys, dressing herself and trying on lipgloss.

Kyla-Training for a career in competitive eating by consuming enormous quantities of food
Winner: Allie. Keyword=ENTERTAIN HERSELF!

Higher Education Award

Nominees:

Jeff-Finished his orthodontic residency, capping 10 years of college

Krystal-Said good-bye to one book club in Florida, got together with friends in Utah to start another

Damon-Learned to read and write, add and subtract.

Allie-Learned to write her name. Practices writing it on everything!

Kyla-Learned hundreds of new words, including her favorite, “no.”

Winner: Jeff. Although learning to read is a major feat, Damon ultimately couldn't compete with the years it took Jeff to finish school. Jeff would like to thank the government for funding his education, which he will be paying back for many years to come.

World Traveler Award

Nominees:

Jeff-Drove cross country from Florida to Utah twice

Krystal-Flew to Las Vegas for the weekend with no kids for Time Out for Women

Damon, Allie, Kyla-Dragged on numerous trips, including The Smoky Mountains; Temecula, CA; and spending our 7 hour layover in NYC exploring the city.

Winner: Krystal. Anytime a mom can go anywhere without kids for more than a day, she wins.

Physical Health Award

Nominees:

Jeff-Hiked several peaks in Utah, including a 8 hour hike with Damon to Fish Lake Hightop

Krystal-Lost all the “baby weight” gained during pregnancy, earning a new wardrobe

Damon-Was the most improved on his soccer team, even scored a couple goals

Allie-Took a weekly gymnastics class, always dressing in a flashy leotard

Kyla-Took advantage of Allie's gymnastics class by learning to hang on the bar and do a front roll

Winner: Damon. A year ago, no one would have believed that he would actually enjoy playing sports.

We had a great 2008 and are so happy to be back close to family (living in the basement of Jeff's parents, we are REALLY close). Jeff is really enjoying his job as an orthodontist, while the kids love living next door to cousins.

Life has been very good to us and we are incredibly grateful for good friends and family who have helped us every step of the way. Happy Holidays! May the spirit of Christmas better your lives this year and always! Love, The Jeff Trapnell Family

Aint it funny how a melody...

I was doing a little vacuuming today, blasting my tunes like always, when a song came on that really took me back. Do you remember the Clint Black song that starts, "Aint it funny how a melody can bring back a memory?" (That wasn't the song, but isn't it so true? I had a friend named Melody and we used to joke that she would arrange to have that song played at her funeral. I wonder whatever happened to her...)

Anyway, I'm not the only one that this happens to: a song comes on and suddenly a truckload of memories are dumped in your mind and all the feelings come tumbling out. And all you can do is stop and remember. That's what happened this morning.

The song-"Please Remember Me" by Tim McGraw

The scenario-I was finishing my freshman year at BYU, and had just broken up with my boyfriend when I first heard this song on the radio. I met Randy at the beginning of the year, but I had just sent my high school sweetheart out on a mission and was determined not to get involved with anyone. That lasted a whole two months. By November, I was having a great time with Randy--he was a premie (pre-missionary) so he was safe, not looking for anything serious, and I was lonely, and he actually liked me! Still, I was just in it for fun, and because it was nice to feel those butterflies again.

We definitely had our ups and downs during the next five months, probably because I didn't put a lot of effort into our relationship, so it wasn't too surprising when we broke up in April. It was a Sunday night after ward prayer, and we were sitting there in silence, probably both anticipating what was coming. I remember it so clearly, and I even used parts of that night in my first attempt at writing a novel. He asked me to go outside with him, but it was raining so we didn't make it far. Instead, we stood by the bike racks and he said, "What's going on with us?"
I answered honestly, "I don't know."
He said, "It's not the same, is it?"
And I said, "No." (you are getting a glimpse at just how fantastic my story is:).
Then we decided it was best if we broke up, which is what I thought I wanted. He told me that he loved me (which he had said before) and I told him I loved him (which I hadn't ever told him) and he left.

That's when I started crying. I had NO IDEA I would be so sad, but I cried all night. The next day (or maybe the day after, who knows for sure?) I heard the song on the radio and knew it was going to be one of those special songs, written just for me. I was on the computer chatting with another boy in our ward when he told me Randy had just come into his room. Randy sat down and we chatted for a minute, and I was telling him about the song when it came on the radio. I told him to turn the radio on and we sat there, in our separate rooms, listening to it. He agreed that it was written just for us.

Over the next five weeks or so (until school was out), we did anything but avoid each other (it was after we broke up that he sat by me at church for the first time), and I started to realize that my feelings for him were much deeper than I had guessed. I saw him at a dance and we ended up dancing four times, each time a little closer. He got his mission call, and invited me to come to Oregon for his farewell in June (and offered to pay for it!).

Despite all my friends' protests that we were just going to get back together, I wasn't so sure. I didn't know if it was a good idea, especially since our relationship seemed so much better when we were broken up (except that he didn't kiss me anymore, of course). After not seeing him for a month, I flew to Oregon for his farewell, and as soon as I saw him waiting for me at the airport, I knew I really did love him, despite my best intentions not to (that was also the moment I realized that I could never have a fling, because my heart insisted on getting involved). We had a great couple of days together and I gave him a copy of "Please Remember Me" to keep (my sister had bought the cd single and I took it to give to him. I hope you're not mad any more, Heather, but if you are I will pay for you to download the song). I can't listen to the song without remembering all of those feelings (good and bad) and wondering if he still thinks about me when he hears it, too.

I have no idea where he is now (I met Jeff in September, when Randy had only been gone three months) and I haven't seen him since that day I flew out of Oregon. I hope he looks back on the time we spent together with good memories. But I really hope he just remembers at all.

So, that was my morning. What are some songs (and stories) that bring back memories for you? I'd love to hear them! Oh, and I created a playlist that should play this song (and only this song) that I will leave up for a while, for your listening pleasure!

Cars

Today I found myself driving behind a red Volkswagen Jetta, and it really took me back. When I was in high school, I thought they were the coolest cars and thought I would have one someday. Of course, that didn't happen, as I was instead sharing an '87 Maxima with my sister, Heather. But I dreamed of owning one one day.


While I was at BYU, I didn't have a car. Between my scholarship and Pell grant, I didn't have to work to pay for school (unless you consider getting good grades "working"), but I didn't have enough money to buy a car. And I didn't really need one. I lived close enough to walk to school, my favorite club (Club Tan), and the BYU creamery. My sophomore year I still lived close enough to walk to school, and got to sit shotgun in Jenny's teal Cavalier anytime my roommates and I needed to run to Sam's Club or Macey's. By then, I was dating Jeff, too, and he could give me a ride in his blue and white Bronco. So I didn't see the need to buy a car of my own. I did dream of one, though, and was certain I would look awesome in a Jeep Grand Cherokee. Yes indeed.
When Jeff and I got married, he bought a Honda Accord and we decided to become a one car family for as long as we could. After two years at BYU and three years of dental school at Ohio State, we realized it was finally time to get a second car. Allie was a baby, and we knew we needed something big enough for a family of four. I had my heart set on a Toyota Sequoia. I didn't want to be another Mormon mom in a minivan.


But Jeff talked me out of it. I had to do a lot of driving in Columbus, and he has always hated buying gas, as it just seems like a waste of money. Plus, Sequoias are pretty big and I didn't have the best history keeping our cars dent free and out of accidents. So, reluctantly, I agreed to a minivan. We found a really good deal on a 2001 Toyota Sienna and I got my own car for the first time in my life.
Three years later, I can say that I think we made the right decision. Minivans were made for families. It is so much easier to get kids (and carseats) in and out, without having to heave them up and over seats. They get much better gas mileage than SUV's and we have had very few complaints about ours. I do someday hope to have a newer model (the newer Sienna's have a lot more storage space, like the Odyssey's) with a dvd player built in, but I am hopeful that the van we have now will last us several more years.

But I can still dream, right? Someday I won't be hauling a million kids around, and I will be able to get something with a few less seats. And while I'm not exactly looking forward to that day, I do occasionally think about it. I don't think I'll go back to the Jetta, although the new ones are cute little cars. Right now I think I would go with the Toyota Rav 4. I just love the cute, sporty look without being too huge. It's like the Sequoia without the third row of seats. And I'm hoping that by the time I am ready for one, a hybrid (or even all electric) model will be ready.



What would you drive if you didn't have a family to think about?

When did I stop being fun?

We had my 14-year old sister, Kimmy, with us on Sunday as we drove from Las Vegas to St. George. I don't know what brought it on, but at some point during the drive, Allie announced, "Kimmy's not being fun!"

We all had a good laugh at that one, because shouldn't every 14-year old aunt be nothing but fun? It got me thinking though. As the oldest child, I never had nieces or nephews who thought I was nothing but fun, but I like to think there was a time when I was like that.

Not so anymore. We like to put our kids to bed early (Kyla at 7:00, Allie at 7:30, Damon at 8:00). Nothing crazy like Dr. Weissbluth, but we like to have quiet time with no kids every night. The ideal night for me would be dinner between 5:30 and 6:00, giving us enough time to get cleaned up, have baths, scriptures and stories before 7:00 when Kyla goes to bed (or at least by 7:30 when it's Allie's turn). When we get started later, everything gets rushed (and scripture reading goes out the window), and I am not a fan of that.

I would like to say that we do it for the well-being of our children, because getting to bed earlier ensures they get more sleep. That is true, and they do seem to be happier when they go to be early (they still get up between 7 and 8, so it's not like they're getting us up at the crack of dawn or anything), but the real reason we do it is for our own sanity. During Thanksgiving vacation, the kids rarely went to bed before 10:00, and still got up early. Jeff and I thought we would go crazy. We were with the kids ALL THE TIME and never seemed to get any kind of break. I know it was vacation and they were having fun with cousins, but it was getting really old by the time we left. It's been so nice (and quiet) to get back to our schedule.

Which has led me to realize that I'm not fun anymore. How could I be? I look forward to early bedtimes just to be rid of my kids. If we have a family activity that doesn't start until 6:30, it gets on my nerves, as I know my night is going to be upset. I try to remind myself that I am justified; I spend all day reasoning with an unreasonable 3-year old, and answering questions like, "who is Jessica Simps" (four times yesterday), feeding and cleaning up after three messy, apparently helpless children and changing some of the smelliest diapers imaginable. Who wouldn't be ready to take a break from all that by 7:00-8:00 each night?

So, it is without much hesitation that I announce, "MOM'S NOT BEING FUN!" Dang right. Mom is trying to stay sane.

TV couples

I don't know what got me thinking about this, but I wondered who were the best TV couples of all time (well, from the time I started caring about TV). It seems there is room for debate, as most websites I looked at didn't agree much at all. So, here is the question: who are your favorite TV couples? Vote for as many as you love. Results to follow...

Here are the nominees:
1. Sam/Diane from Cheers
2. Jim/Pam from The Office
3. Buffy/Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
4. Ross/Rachel (or Chandler/Monica) from Friends
5. Mulder/Scully from X-Files
6. Zack/Kelly from Saved by the Bell
7. Meredith/Derek from Grey's Anatomy
8. Joey/Pacey from Dawson's Creek
9. Michael/Sara from Prison Break
10. Kevin/Winnie from The Wonder Years
11. Doug/Carol from ER
12. Cliff/Claire from The Cosby Show
13. Lana/Clark from Smallville
14. Ned/Chuck from Pushing Daisies
15. Bailey/Sarah from Party of Five
16. Dan/Serena (or Blair/Chuck) from Gossip Girl
17. Luke/Lorelai (or Rory/Logan) from Gilmore Girls
18. JD/Elliott from Scrubs
19. Seth/Summer (or Marissa/Ryan) from The OC
20. Sydney/Vaughn from Alias

Or write in your own nominees

Thanksgiving in the Desert

We spent Thanksgiving in Las Vegas with my family. It was the first time we were with them for Thanksgiving since 2000, and my how things have changed since then. My mom was trying to get us all together for a picture for her Christmas card, and we barely all fit in the frame! This is the silly shot we took.Front: My brother, Jonny, Damon, Allie and me. Row 2: Heather, my sister, her daughter, Kalia, Kyla, my dad, my sister, Tara, her daughter, Kenya, her twins, Malakai and Maddux. Back: Samuel (Heather's husband), baby Annaliese, my mom (holding her wig), my sister Kimmy, Wayne (Tara's husband) and Jeff. Wow, what a crowd! The only one missing is my brother, Eric, who has 5 months left on his mission in San Diego.

We also took a family shot, since we were there and in coordinating clothes. This is the best we did.

I look at the picture and can't help but realize that our kids are getting big right before my eyes. Amazing. Look how big Kyla is getting.


We didn't take many more pictures, but Jeff stopped a couple of times on our drive home to photograph the desert.
This is what we missed while we were living away--the desert! This last pic is from our drive back to Springville, just off the freeway. The bottom bright light is the moon and the two other bright lights are stars (well, planets most likely). What a cool shot.


We had a great time with family, but we are so glad to be home! Now we are faced with the challenge of getting the kids back on a sleep/eating schedule. Not a lot of fun, but worth it.

Cleaning Day Attire

Today is cleaning day, which is Allie's favorite day of the week, because she gets to watch more TV than normal (small price to pay to have her out of the way). This morning, though, I had to laugh at the outfit she chose for herself after getting out of the bath (those are lacy Sunday socks, if you can't tell).

If KyKy had her choice, she would be naked all the time, but we learned the hard way that she should not be nude for extended periods of time, even if she has already pooped twice that day...so, this is what Kyla was wearing for cleaning day.

And, lest you think that I let my girls go around looking like white trash at the beach (which we know a thing or two about) while I spend all my time on my own appearance, here's one of me. Brace yourself, it's a pretty one.

(You love the Survivor buff, don't you?)

The Eight

The title of this post is for Cassie, who introduced me to a book by the same title. Cool book.

This was a tag from Laurie from a while ago, back when I wasn't online. But now I'm back, and I know you're all dying to know this crucial info about me.

8 Favorite TV Shows
1. The Office
2. The Amazing Race
3. So You Think you can Dance
4. American Idol
5. Survivor
6. Pushing Daisies
7. Alias (we are catching up via dvds from the library--finishing season 2)
8. Gossip Girl (well, the first season before Dan and Serena broke up)

8 Things I did yesterday
1. Took Allie to her last gymnastics class, watched her throw several tantrums because she couldn't do something, told her she's not doing gymnastics anymore.
2. Bought groceries--we had no fresh produce left in the house, and the kids were eating cans of mandarin oranges for their fruit. Sad.
3. Returned Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 to redbox. Not nearly as trashy as I thought it would be (meaning: not as trashy as the 4th book). Love those girls and their friendship!
4. Made macaroni and cheese for dinner (for the kids)
5. Saw Carrie Underwood perform at the E Center
6. Blogged
7. Read some blogs
8. Let Allie take a bath in the middle of the day, and then had to listen to her complain about how freezing she was when she had to get out.

8 Things I look forward to
1. Seeing Heather's new baby, Annaliese
2. Thanksgiving with family in Las Vegas
3. Christmas shopping with the girls
4. Twilight movie. I'm prepared for a bit of disappointment.
5. Having Jeff's loans paid off
6. A house of our own
7. A place for Jeff to put all of his stuff (ie: home office)
8. Tara, Wayne, Jonny and Kenzie coming to visit on Sunday

8 Favorite Restaraunts
1. Koja
2. Red Lobster
3. Cafe Rio
4. Panda Express
5. Rosa's-no longer in Provo:(
6. Hoggy's in Columbus
7. Macaroni Grill
8. Golden Corral

8 Things on my Wish list
1. Lasik eye surgery
2. Bigger chest (naturally, not surgically, but without weight gain in other areas)
3. A more comfortable bed
4. Allie to go to preschool for free (I miss Florida)
5. Some good friends close by
6. A dvd player in the van
7. DVR
8. BYU to beat Utah on Saturday

8 People I Would Love to Have as Neighbors (in no particular order)

1. Becky Seymour-one of my besties from high school. She knows me on a deep, emotional level and loves me anyway.
2. Kelly Lewis-our husbands get along, we have many of the same interests. I have always felt like we could be best friends if we had the chance to live close.
3. April Ferguson-only got to be neighbors for under a year. It wasn't long enough. Our kids get along great, we get along great, and I'd have someone to walk with (and chat with) every day!
4. Jenny Ludlow-we haven't lived together since college, but have some of my best memories with her. Especially now that she's about to become a mom, I know it would be way too much fun if we were neighbors.
5. Sarah Watford-I'm saving Damon for her little girl, Taylor (or Kennedy, if it doesn't work out). She could help me decorate my house, and keep me sane.
6. Jenner Brown-We only had a couple months to hang out while we were sports camp counselors, but she always made me laugh. Plus, she could help me score some sweet deals at CVS and thrift stores.
7. Natalie Clarke-my bestie from Ohio. Love everything about her, and her YELLOW personality would see that we always were doing something fun.
8. Suzanne Papa-no one is more real than Suz. Plus, Jeff loves you both. And we could FINALLY get together for some b-ball and v-ball!

Birthday Fun

I turned 29 on Saturday. For the first time, as I intend to claim 29 for the next several years, but this was the legitimate 29. Remember the line from the song, "I still remember when 30 was old?" That's where I'm at (name the song, and not you, Heather Bigler!). I don't feel old. I still feel (more or less) like the 17 year-old who belted that song driving down the Boulevard. Except without the bushy eyebrows.

My birthday started out like any other morning--with Allie screaming. The kids were all up, and Jeff and I were trying to steal a few more minutes of sleep and effectively ignoring them. Since it was a Saturday, Damon got all the kids breakfast (sugary cereal), so no one was bothering us about being hungry. But when he went into the store room to get Kyla out of bed, he thought it would be fun to play in there. A few minutes later, we woke up to Allie screaming and Damon running in to announce, "Allie stepped on a fish hook and it's stuck in her foot." Jeff got up to check it out, and came back to tell me that it was, indeed, stuck deep in her foot. Perfect. Just the way I had envisioned the start of my 30th year.

After a few unsuccessful attempts to remove the hook, we enlisted the help of Jeff's mom, who is a hospice nurse. She quickly called Dr. Garner, the doctor she works with, and he said he would come to the house and take a look. We are so lucky to have him! He does so much for our family (he wrote me a prescription when I had pink eye without even seeing me), and has saved us a lot of time and money. Dr. Garner worked in the ER in Alaska and has removed over 100 fish hooks, so we really lucked out when he came over. He showed Jeff a sweet trick using a shoelace to remove the hook without any anesthetic and really without much pain. So, it really ended up not being a very big deal, but makes for a good story, don't you think?

The rest of my day was uneventful (watching BYU beat Air Force, which was pretty great), because we had already planned to celebrate on the 19th, which is why I am 0nly now getting around to writing about it. A couple of months ago, I saw that Carrie Underwood was coming to the E Center, and I mentioned to Jeff that I would love to go. She is definitely my favorite American Idol and one of my favorite singers period. But after a few days without Jeff taking the hint, I decided to buy the tickets myself and to tell them that they were for my birthday and he didn't need to get me anything. Good move on my part.

Last night was the concert. Jeff agreed to go, but said he needed to make sure he had his binoculars so he could get a good look. I gave him a hard time about wanting to go only because she's hot, but he admitted that he does like her music, too, so the fact that wearing a sexy black dress and boots wasn't the only thing he was excited about (by the way, she did look gorgeous, I will admit. And I had to explain to Jeff that for one girl to say she LOVES another doesn't mean she's attracted to her, but rather that she'd want to be her best friend.). We ate an elegant meal at Quiznos and traveled in style in our mini-van. But man oh man, was it awesome!

The E Center is a great place for a concert--there isn't a bad seat in the house, and the sound is so much better than The Delta Center (excuse me, I mean the Toxic Waste Removal Center). And Carrie sure can sing! I said to Jeff, "Well, at least we know now that she doesn't keep winning Best Female Vocalist because of her looks."It was seriously an awesome concert, and I LOVE CARRIE! And not just because I had a dream about her last week where we WERE best friends. :)

So, it ended being a great birthday, fish hook and all. Thanks so much for all the texts, messages on Facebook, calls and cards. I mean, thanks to Facebook, this is the first year that the boy I had a crush on in 9th grade wished me a happy birthday. If only he would've done that 14 years ago, maybe things would have turned out differently....I wonder how he feels about Carrie Underwood?

p.s. Only joking, Jeff!

Pregnancy "issues"

This is going to be a long post, which is probably why I have put off writing it until now. So, you have been warned. Hang in there if you can, otherwise feel free to drop out at any time. One of my favorite quote from one of my favorite movies is this (bonus points for naming the movie):

'" 'Life doesn´t always turn out the way you plan.´
l just wish l realized at the time he was talking about my life."

I am sure I have used it before when writing about my own life, but it's just so
applicable.Whenever I start to make plans about the way my life will be, it's as
if someone says, "Not so fast, missy!"

I am referring to my plans about my family, and future family. I learned a long time
ago that I have very, very little control over when children come into our family,
and shouldn't count on anything as a certainty. When I was pregnant with Allie,
people would ask, "how many kids are you going to have?," and I would tell them,
honestly, "right now, we're just hoping to have two and then we'll see." My plans of
having six kids, with two years between each of them, had gone out the window,
and I realized I shouldn't expect anything to happen just because I wanted it to.

You'd think I would've learned my lesson four years ago. But, no, here I have been
planning how we'll have two more kids in the next three years, as though I have any
control over it. I must be a slow learner, because I am learning, once again, not to
plan on anything, but to just be grateful for what I have already been given.

The rest of this post is going to be written "journal style," because I know there
are specific details I am going to want to remember someday.

October 13-Found out I was pregnant today. I had been suspicious for several days,
but got confirmation today. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I definitely want to
have another baby, but I'm not sure I am ready tobe pregnant again. Especially since
this was our first month trying. But since I can't have a baby without a pregnancy,
I am happy. I just want to enjoy these next few weeks before I get sick.

October 27- I haven't been sick at all, which is great, but also a little surprising.
Usually by now I am gagging all the time and wondering why I wanted to be pregnant at
all. Today I had some cramping. It wasn't horrible, but there were a few times I
had to go sit down. I also had some very light spotting,and I feel very uneasy. I
know neither of these things is reason for great concern, but I have a feeling that
this pregnancy isn't going to end well.

October 28- Less cramping today, but a little more spotting. I also have felt pretty
nauseated and am unsure what that means. It's sort of like my body is trying to
decide whether or not it wants to stay pregnant. I have spent a lot of time on my
knees today praying for the best course of action, whatever that may be, to happen.
I realized how much I DO want this baby, and prayed that, if possible and if
I have a choice in the matter, that I will be able to carry this baby to term.

October 29-Today my bleeding is heavier. I feel that my prayer has been answered, and
this just wasn't meant to be. I'm sad, but okay. I read that one out of five
pregnancies ends in miscarriage, so the odds were not in my favor, this being my
fifth pregnancy (Chance was a completely different category). I made an appointment
at the OB after talking to a nurse, who confirmed that she believed I am miscarrying
as well.

November 3- I had an ultrasound today that confirmed that there is nothing in my
uterus. I was expecting it, but it was still hard to hear. The good news is that she
saw no reason for a D&C, which I was worried about because my bleeding has never been
all that heavy. They also drew some blood to check my hcg levels, to make sure they
are going down, and I expect to have some closure soon. I also had to go to the
hospital to get a Rhogam shot (I'm B-). I hadn't even thought about that, so I am
especially glad that I made the appointment. It was kind of a hassle, and my leg
ached for several hours, but I feel very lucky that we live in a time when I can
have babies, even though we have different blood types. I have been having major mood
swings, going from feeling very sad to just fine in a matter of minutes. I am looking
forward to closure.

November 4-hcg level=2300, need to repeat tomorrow to make sure it is going down.
Hoping that will be the end of it.

November 6-I got a call from the doctor's office today, and my hcg level actually
went up. But only to 2500, which is not enough of a jump to indicate a viable
pregnancy. Either there is more in the uterus that didn't show up in the ultrasound
(because I wasn't far enough along), or I may have an ectopic pregnancy. This has
produced all kinds of emotions in me. I'm scared, as I have heard some horror stories
about ectopic pregnancies and women losing a fallopian tube as a result. But I am
hopeful that whatever is left will be able to pass without complications. Mostly,
though, I just feel like I need to cry, but my body won't let me. That is
frustrating. I am trying to be positive and realize that I don't have any control
over this situation, and I have, again, spent a lot of time on my knees asking for
help.

Today, more than any day I can remember in a long time, I wish I could take a peak
at the list of things I signed up for in the pre-existence. I'm sure I agreed to
this long, long ago, but I know I would feel better if I could actually see what I
signed up for, and know that I will make it out of this alright. Of course,
the fear is that I won't be able to have any more kids, and I know I'm getting WAY
ahead of myself, but it would be nice to be reassured that that won't be the case.
I guess I am going to have to just have more faith.

November 11- My hcg level went up again, to 2600. I haven't had any bleeding in
almost a week. I am going to have another ultrasound to see if anything shows up.

November 12-The ultrasound, again, showed nothing. She even did an internal
ultrasound and couldn't find anything. I talked on the phone with the doctor tonight,
and he said he believes I do have an ectopic pregnancy, even though they can't see
it. My hcg level should be zero if I were finished miscarrying, so there is really
nothing else to conclude. I am going to have a shot of methotrexate tomorrow that
will, in effect, abort the embryo.

November 13- I had the shot this morning. Now, I guess, we just wait. I shouldn't
have read all the drug facts when I picked up the medication, that was scary. The
drug, methotrexate, is a cancer drug and targets any rapidly dividing cells
(unfortunately, my family knows a thing or two about that). I haven't had many side
effects, but I am bracing myself for anything. Hopefully this really will be all
that I need and will be able to move on.

November 18- I have had some cramping and a little bleeding, but neither have been
too bad. I hope that means the drug is working. I have heard that one woman had to
get the shot three times before it finally worked! I was really nauseated for about
24 hours after the shot (they told me that might happen), but nothing else has been
too bad. My mother-in-law said to me, "you just can't do anything easy, can you?"
I laughed. What else could I do? I know I have had some struggles, but they are
nothing compared with some of my friends and family. Like I said before, I know I
probably signed up for this and I am very hopeful that the worst is over.

My plans for having a baby in June are finished, but I am relaxed, knowing that it
will happen again when the time is right. Thankfully, Jeff and I (usually) don't
have much trouble getting pregnant. I debated whether or not to say anything, but
it's hard to not just pretend that none of this happened (and is still happening).
I didn't write this because I was hoping for sympathy--I am really doing fine
emotionally. But I felt like I have been very open about other parts of my life and
that it would probably be okay to be open about this, too.

My heart has definitely been softened, especially toward my own kids, as I have
realized, yet again, what a miracle a healthy baby (and child) is. Maybe the lesson
I need to learn is to be a better mom to the children I have been blessed with
before I will be blessed with any more. If that is the case, I am okay with that,
because I know they deserve the best mom they can get.

I'm Back!

I know I haven't posted forever. We had a slight computer problem that has left us without the internet for two weeks. I thought there was a possibility I would lose my mind, but we are finally back online. It feels great. I have been keeping notes in my planner about things that have been happening so that I can catch up, so hopefully I will be able to remember everything that has happened.

Halloween was interesting. Jeff had volunteered to make homemade root beer for the party at his sister's house, but hadn't gotten anything he needed for it at 5:00 pm. So, we left Damon with his cousins (he was already in his costume, as he had worn it at school for the school parade--not something we are used to having lived outside Utah, but it was a lot of fun), and took the girls to the grocery store for some dry ice and some root beer extract. The dry ice was easy to find, the root beer extract was very difficult. We went to four different stores, none of which had any extract in stock (apparently making root beer on Halloween is very popular here in the greater Springville area), but I did manage to find root beer concentrate. Jeff wasn't convinced that it would work, but we had already spent a good hour looking for it, so he decided to give it a try.

By the time we got back home, Damon was already gone trick-or-treating. Allie had fallen asleep in the car and began having one of her melt downs when I tried to talk her into putting her costume on. She had been planning on being Cinderella for months, and we recently bought a tiara for her to wear with the costume. She refused the tiara completely and also refused to have her hair done (we had put curlers in earlier in the day, but the curls were all gone--Allie had gotten her hair wet to "make it curly"--, so we were basically starting from scratch). She ended up hysterical in her bedroom, ripping the bobby pins out of her hair and screaming that she didn't want to go trick-or-treating because she was scared. Eventually, she calmed down, and we compromised with a ponytail, but I was past the point of caring then.

We did get some pictures later that night at Laurie's house. Damon didn't know what he wanted to be, but when he lost his front teeth, I told him he should be Dracula (who he had never heard of). I found the costume on Craigslist for $5 and that made my mind up. He actually really enjoyed wearing the costume, and looked pretty cute.


Kyla was Pooh Bear, just as Damon and Allie were at that age. Nothing too great, but I didn't have to spend any money.


I found these awesome tattoo sleeves, which made for an easy costume. We didn't get any pics until after the night's festivities and my black hair and dark eye makeup had worn off a lot.


It was a fun night, but Allie complained that she didn't get enough candy. I gently reminded her that she had spent so much time crying in her room that she didn't get to go to as many houses as Damon went to. Maybe next year she'll feel more cooperative, although I'm not counting on it just yet.