Four Months

From this...

...to this.

In just four short months.

Carter at four months is a completely different baby. Not only does he look completely different (growing into those chubby rolls and all), but he acts completely different. If he had been out of my sight for any extended period of time, I would fear that he had been switched for someone else's baby and would demand him back. Actually, strike that. I would not actually want to trade back. I would never knowingly go back to the way things were. But I would write a long, consoling letter to the unsuspecting parents who were now forced to raise him. And apologize for their sleep deprivation.

That's how much he has changed in the past two months or so. The child who used to not sleep at all has now become a champion sleeper. He wakes up once at night (I really wish we could cut the 4 am feeding out, but it's not too bad), and takes many naps during the day (every 1.5-2 hours after he wakes up). Including one afternoon nap that is usually about 3 hours. In his bed. He has, effectively, gone from my worst sleeper to my best. And I couldn't be happier about it.

He also has started trying to reach out and touch toys, and bringing them to his mouth. This is a cognitive milestone I was hoping he would be able to reach. I love the awkwardness of his little hands as he bats at the offending toys I place in his way. I love the way he tries to maneuver objects toward his mouth, using both hands if possible. And I love how he just can't seem to figure it out. It just makes it all the more endearing.

To be honest, Carter cares a lot more about the people in the room than the toys. He will give any toy a quick glance, and usually will try to improve his skills by grabbing it, but he gets bored easily. He would much rather stare at one of the girls until they talk to him in their "baby voices," and tell him how cute he is. And quite frankly, who could blame him? I would stare too, if it meant I got complimented all day long.

Health wise, Carter has been mostly fine. He has had a few small colds, but nothing too serious. Right now, he is a little croupy, which doesn't sound very good, but so far, he doesn't seem too affected by it. In fact, he slept from 9:30 last night to 7:00 this morning. That was nice. I have a humidifier going 24/7 in his room and I gave him a breathing treatment this morning. I am hoping he will start feeling better soon and not have any serious problems!

Here is a little video (for the family, or the highly bored) of Carter and his new abilities. Mostly I like how he likes me.

Funny

Funny quote from Allie. I know you've been missing those.

"Kyla, you are my best sister. Heavenly Father is my best father." (Pauses for a minute, knowing that's not quite right). "Heavenly Father is my best...uncle."

I remember another one. Allie saw Damon carrying a baseball bat and asked, "is that your ball whacker?"

Allie, seeing her balloon lying on the ground, "My balloon ran out of Helaman."

Kyla loves her little princesses, especially Ariel. One day she was talking to herself, and I heard her say she was going to look for Ariel. She called out, "Ariel?," as if she expected an answer. From upstairs, I said in a high voice, "Yes?" Kyla came running. "Ariel!?," she called, as if she honestly expected to find that her princess had come to life.

Back yard finally!

We had such high hopes and lofty dreams for the money that was refunded us after taxes were paid. I mean, seriously, the list of things I would have liked to spend the money on is lengthy indeed. But we quickly realized that we needed to use it on our landscaping. Because I have been dreaming of my very own grass to lie on since we left Columbus (you all know how I feel about the "grass" in Florida).

Here are a couple of pics of the backyard.

This is taken from the deck. We are super happy with the way the firepit turned out. And I can't wait until we get it hooked up so we can use it (we ran a gas line out there so we need to figure out how we're going to turn it off and on).

This is the other corner of the yard. The gravel on the right is where my garden boxes are going to go. And hopefully one day they will be filled with yummy fruits and vegetables. The trampoline will eventually have mulch around it and some trees in the corner.

Carter's blessing

I neglected to mention that we finally did get around to blessing this little tubby. We decided we better do it before he could walk. I searched all over for a cute blessing outfit that was the right size, and most importantly, the right price. I found this gem on KSL for $10. Brand new. Can't say no to that. Jeff kept apologizing to Carter. I guess he thought it was a little girlie. Carter doesn't seemed too thrilled, either.

But he was perfect during the blessing. My brother said he even folded his arms and looked at the men in the circle. Probably thanking them for hoisting his ever increasing weight.

A man in our ward was recording sacrament meeting, and he brought over a typed copy of the blessing Carter was given. It was very sweet.

More to come soon.

KyKy

This cutest girl turned three yesterday, as you know. And it's so fun to celebrate Kyla. The good Kyla (because you know there are two). The one who makes me smile all the time. The one who walks around singing, "Opera and the Queen." The one who answered my whispered, "Your love is my drug" with "I like your beard."

Not the one who told me, "I'm going to throw Carter in jail!" And definitely not the one who said, "Carter is MY baby. ONLY mine. Not yours!"

Because most of the time, Kyla is still the happiest little girl around. But she's three. And she's going through her "toddler puberty," which means that SOMETIMES she has to make life miserable. And we don't celebrate her on those days. Just most days. Especially her birthday.

For her birthday, Kyla had to have, of course, a scooter of her own. And instead of a party, she opted for the new Shrek movie with her siblings. And then she prayed at dinner, "Thank you we can go to the Shrek movie." Ah, may she always be so easy to please.

Of course, turning three meant she had to give up her binkies. When I informed her that I was going to cut the nipples off all her binkies, she asked, "Cut off my nipples?" No, honey. Of course not. I'm going to cut off something that will hurt you much, much more.

We lined up all the binkies...

She had one last suck on each one...

And then I cut them off.

And she told me, "I'm going to cry without my binky." But she knows that now that she is three (and doesn't suck on her fingers anymore, like she did when she was two), she is too old for a binky. And her teeth are starting to show it. AND her orthodontist daddy isn't too happy. She was sad, and cried for a while.

Then she cried again at bedtime. I gave her one of the "nippleless binkies" to take to bed. She told me, "it won't stay in my mouth. I don't want it." Then she cried some more. And finally fell asleep. It only took a few minutes. I was expecting worse.

So, again today we are celebrating Kyla. I took her to Coldstone for her free birthday ice cream. She has been playing with all her presents from grandma and the neighbors. And mostly she has been reminding me how lucky I am to be her mom. Everyone should have a KyKy. Because besides having the best smile and the best little singing voice (which earned her a quarter from a white haired man in a tool store last week), she has the best little heart. She is the most likely child o' mine to share, to make peace, and to love. I love you! And your love really IS my drug.

P.S. Both Kyla's quotes at the beginning are from popular songs on the radio. "Billionaire" by Travie McCoy and "Your Love is my Drug" by Ke$ha.

The Kyla Dictionary

Today is Kyla's third birthday. To celebrate, here is a list my brother compiled, called "The Kyla Dictionary," all actual words out of her mouth.

Chaspick - Chapstick

Lips kiss-lipstick
Peckeroni - Pepperoni
Cool - Pool
Feeder - Heater
The Weed - The Wii
Chucky Charms - Lucky Charms
Quarter - Porter (Damon's Friend)
PEW-p - poop

FEW-d-food
Cado - Carter
"Loading, unadulterated loading" - wicked
Swimsoup - swimsuit
Fruit nacks - fruit snacks
hicking up - hiccuping

es-git-exit

Happy birthday KyKy! Much more to come.

Translator Needed

I am convinced that my kids and I are not speaking the same language. What I assume is proper English is coming out of my mouth, but somewhere between my mouth and my children's ears it must transform to Spanish or Japanese or Horse Latin. And we obviously need a translator to help bridge the gap between what I'm saying and what they're hearing. Here are a few examples:

DAMON- I said: "Clean up your bedroom before you leave for school." He heard: "Leave everything exactly as it is."

I said: "You can have some more fruit if you're still hungry." He heard: "Open a package of crackers for yourself."

I said: "Turn off the tv." He heard: "Sit on the couch and watch America's Funniest Home Videos, laughing at the top of your lungs."

ALLIE- I said: "If you're hungry, you can have a banana." She heard: "Hide in the laundry room and help yourself to a pack of fruit snacks."

I said: "Go upstairs and get in the shower." She heard: "Stand in your room naked with your arms folded."

I said: "You can't go next door until your hair is combed and your bed is made." She heard: "Go anywhere, anytime you like."

I said: "Don't forget to bring your bike in the garage." She heard: "Leave your bike out in the rain."

KYLA-I said: "Stop touching Carter." She heard: "Poke Carter in the eye."

I said: "Damon can color on the cereal box. I don't care about that." She heard: "Damon, mom said stop coloring on the cereal box!"

I said: "Don't bother Carter while he's sleeping." She heard: "Climb in bed with Carter and lay by him."

I said: "You can't have any more Gogurts today." She heard: "Open the fridge and get yourself another one."

I said: "Don't touch Carter in the stroller." She heard: "Pinch Carter as hard as you can."

Anyone want the job?

The Facts

The facts are these:

1. The kids are more comfortable with a dirty bathroom mirror than a clean one. Maybe smearing toothpaste all over it the moment it's clean makes them look better? If so, maybe I should try it.

2. Damon does not have a single pair of jeans without a hole in the knee. And he has probably gone through 6-7 pair this year. I'm beginning to wonder if he crawls around on jagged rocks at recess.

3. I am no good at wiping my kids faces. Or wiping the table and counter. Or wiping the girls' bums after they use the potty. I should do better. On at least one of those. But which one?

4. If Carter survives his siblings without injury, it will be a miracle. Being the youngest of four does have its perks, like the time earlier this week when I found Kyla sharing her Dum-Dum with him (which he seemed to thoroughly enjoy), but he is also more likely to be put in harm's way. A couple of days ago, I was helping Jeff move some furniture around in his office while Damon was holding Carter. Carter was crying, which Damon didn't like, and Damon decided to take him in the other room to put him in his bouncy chair. Carter continued to cry, but I assumed he was fine. WRONG. A couple of minutes later, Kyla comes running into the office and says, "Carter is falling out of his chair!" With a burst of speed that could challenge the likes of Usain Bolt, I ran into the kitchen to see that, in fact, Carter was in his bouncy chair. Unbuckled. On the counter in the kitchen. And he was balancing precariously on the edge of the chair mere seconds from falling. I caught him just as he slipped out of the chair, shaking a little at just how close he was to serious injury. Damon, after being chastised, felt terrible, but thanks to Kyla's natural instinct to always be where Carter is, he was fine. And KyKy got an extra scoop of ice cream for saving the day.

5. Allie seems to have my decorating sense. Which is to say, no sense at all. Jeff had a fake plant at work that he brought home. Allie saw it and said excitedly, "Dad brought home some weeds!" And some good looking weeds at that.

6. These last few days it has been too cold to play outside, and the kids have had to play together. Amazingly, they have been having a lot of fun together. As evidenced by this picture.

I'm not sure exactly what they were doing, and why Kyla and Damon look so guilty, but one thing is certain. Those jeans Damon is wearing have a hole in the knee.

Last Week

We finally got around to having Allie's birthday party on Saturday. She invited all the kids in the neighborhood and a couple from her primary class. She determined the schedule of events. We started by having all the kids make necklaces and bracelets. This was a much better plan than the other crafts we considered, because even the almost-3-year-olds could string beads by themselves.

Unfortunately for Damon (probably fortunately if you ask him, though), none of the boys we invited were able to make it, so he became the lone male presence. And one thing we have established is that 3-6 year old girls think he is HILARIOUS.

Allie really wanted to play Duck, Duck, Goose; Twister; and Musical Chairs, but only AFTER she got to open presents. Really, she wanted to open presents the moment everyone arrived, and only compromised by waiting until after the jewelry was made. So, after games and presents we had cake and ice cream. We tried to go for the double decker rainbow cake, but at the last minute, I added a little more milk to the frosting and it got runny. Hence the reason the cake looks like it's melting.

The inside was pretty, though.

At the end of the party (a very easy party, with everyone extremely well-behaved, I must add), Kyla was seeing everyone off and made the mistake of closing the front door on her thumb. It swelled up like a tiny sausage and I was afraid it may be broken for a few hours when she refused to wiggle it, but she is a tough girl (sturdy, some would say), and after a nap on the couch, she was fine.

Last week, we also lost our garage door opener (GDO, from here on out). At the Dollar Tree. Here's how it happened. Allie has been known to play with things that are not toys. Most often, I find things from the kitchen in places that they shouldn't be. Some of her favorites are the cheese grater, spatulas, a rolling pin, and various whisks. But she also sometimes likes to play with other things that she should leave alone. Like the garage door opener.

After visiting the Dollar Tree last week, I pulled into the driveway and found that the GDO was missing. I asked Allie where it was, and after she searched her belongings, including the lip gloss she had just bought, she announced that it was missing. And that she thought she left it in the store. WHAT?! I racked my brain, trying to remember if I had actually seen her with the GDO in the store. I couldn't. And since we had browsed most of the store, I couldn't begin to imagine where she might have put it down. So, I called the store and asked if they would look for it and call me if it turned up. When the day passed without a call, I began to think it was gone forever. I informed Allie that she would have to give me the $10 she had received for her birthday in order to help pay for another one, and she tearfully agreed. Multiple rounds of questioning failed to uncover just what exactly she was thinking when she took the GDO into the store. All we learned was that she wanted to push the button.

The next day, I drove back to the store to look for myself. And when I asked the cashier, she smiled and said they had found it! But someone had thrown away my phone number so she couldn't call me. Relieved, I followed her back to the office where she retrieved it. Another worker told me that in her 11 years at Dollar Tree, she has found 5 GDO's. Seriously?

Anyway, we were all thrilled that it had been found, and Allie was especially happy that she wouldn't have to give up all her birthday money to buy a new one. Because now she can go back to the Dollar Tree and buy more chapstick and lipgloss.

This picture has nothing to do with any stories, but Carter has been loving his baths lately. And he is outgrowing that little tub. And I'm not looking forward to putting him in the real tub when I have to bend over and strain my back. But he's happy.

I Love Being a Mom

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. Well, except for those few years as a child when I wanted to be a pediatrician. Or those years in junior high when I had my heart set, inexplicably, on being a graphic designer. And forget about that degree in Elementary Education that I have. I never really wanted to teach school. For the majority of my life, I knew I wanted to be a mom.

Partly, I am sure, it was due to the example of my own mother. I thought I had the best mom in the world when I was growing up, and now that I am getting older, I am certain of it. My mom is amazing. And my sister, Heather, did an awesome tribute to her, which you can read HERE. Like Heather, I am so grateful to have the best mom around. And my kids know that they have the best grandma in the world, too. Recently, I told the kids that they are going to get to stay with grandma at the end of the month for a couple of days, and Allie yelled excitedly, "Get ready for the sugar!"

After Carter was born, my mom came and stayed with us for two weeks to help make the adjustment to four kids. When she was getting ready to leave, she hugged me and said, "You may think we are so different, and have nothing in common, but you love being a mom, just like I do." I have thought about that many times since, and I know that she is absolutely right. I love being a mom. Despite all the sleepless nights, the times my own food has grown cold while I am serving everyone else, the endless piles of laundry or the fact that someone always seems to be crying, I wouldn't trade my "job" for anything else.

I love knowing that Damon will laugh heartily at any little joke I make.I love listening to him read books I loved as a kid. I love watching Allie and Kyla play pretend together for hours at a time. I love watching Allie's eyes light up when she discovers she can do something, like swim or cross the monkey bars. I love the way Kyla pulls her pants down and moons me as she crosses the house to the bathroom. I love the way Carter watches me move around the kitchen, hoping to catch my eye. I love snuggling with Carter after he has been bathed and lotioned.

I love all the little things I know about my kids that no one else does. I love the way I get excited about holidays all over again, just imagining how excited my kids will be. I love watching them learn about the gospel and to see the light in their eyes when they express their love for Jesus Christ. I love my kids more than I ever thought I could. I love being a mom.

I know I complain about it sometimes, because being a mom means that you have very little time for yourself. And sometimes the sacrifices I make for my family seem to go unappreciated. Which is why I'm so glad someone decided mothers needed their own day of recognition. Yesterday the kids let me take a nap and cleaned the house for me. Damon gave me a calendar he made at school, and Allie gave me some homemade "roses" that she made at preschool. They all told me that they loved me. And that is all I ever wanted. Well, except for the time I wanted to be a basketball coach...

Carter at Three Months

There are a lot of things I want to remember about Carter at three months, and right now it seems like I won't ever forget, but I am sure that I will.
1. For the past month, he has had one stuffy nose after another. Just when it seems like he is breathing clearly, he gets stuffy again. It doesn't really bother him, except at night, when it always seems to get a little worse. I am constantly dripping saline in his nostrils and sucking "boogies" out, which he hates, and only seems to help a little bit.
2. He always seems to have a bloody nose. I'm sure it's from all the "boogies" I am sucking out.


3. He is a little piggy. He eats 5-6 ounces every three hours (sometimes even 7 ounces) throughout the day. And many, many times he cries when his bottle is gone.
4. My milk is just about gone. It's not worth pumping anymore. Instead, I am defrosting the frozen milk I have stored and mixing it with formula. And Carter isn't digging the taste. :(
5. He is starting to be more predictable at night. Typically, he will fall asleep around 9:00 and sleep until 2:00 am. That is his long stretch. After that, he wakes up every two or three hours (more recently with this latest stuffy nose), and I will usually give him 4 ounces if it has been at least three hours. I fold a flannel blanket in half and bind his arms next to his body with it. He sleeps a lot better this way.
6. He also sleeps in his bed 90% of the time (hooray!). I am considering moving back to my room (Jeff's room, really--the kids have started calling Carter's room my room), but I'm afraid I will be back and forth all night. We'll see if I am brave enough this weekend to leave him all alone. He will sleep in his bed for naps, too. If I think he is tired, I will lay him in bed, and he will usually fall asleep on his own (although sometimes he refuses, or I guess wrong. We're still trying to figure it out!). I can't believe how much that has improved over the past month!
7. Carter is either very interactive, or completely ignores me, trying his best to look around me. There really isn't much in between. He started tracking objects this month, and I like to watch him follow me (with his eyes) as I move around the kitchen.
8. He has given us a few awkward giggles, as though he is embarrassed by the sound of his own voice. Inevitably, he ends up "hicking up," as Kyla would say.
9. While I don't own a scale (I don't need that kind of pressure!), I do weigh myself while holding Carter at my MIL's. According to her scale, he weighs about 15 lbs fully clothed. I am guessing he is actually more like 14 lbs, but still. Getting hefty.
10. He is also outgrowing his clothes very quickly. His 3-6 month onesies are super tight. I think he will probably skip the 3-6 month phase and go straight to 6-9.
11. He loves to suck. If he can't get his binky, he will suck on his hands, my shoulder, anything nearby.


Now, for comparison's sake, here you go:

One Month

Two Months

Three Months

In Which Allie Turns Five

Yesterday was Allie's birthday. One she has been looking forward to for about 11 months now. But before I would allow her the joy of turning five, I insisted that she get her hair cut. You may recall some of the struggles this child and I have had over the years with her hair. She can go to bed with it clean and brushed and manage to wake up with it matted and tangled. I'm not sure how she does it, but it's really amazing. Oh, and she hated me taking pictures of it looking this way, even when it was for my blog.

Tuesday, on the way home from preschool, I pulled into the parking lot of Craig's 7$ Cuts and told her that it was her lucky day. She wasn't going to have to deal with her crazy mom snapping pics of her first thing in the morning any longer, because she was no longer going to look like a Mop Top. She wasn't happy. She didn't want to get her hair cut any longer. She tried to talk me into coming back another day. But I wasn't going to be swayed. Especially since Tuesday was $5 day at Craig's and I saw no reason why I should have to pay an extra $2 just to make her happy. So, I promised her a Dum Dum and she caved. With her new short do she was ready for her birthday.

Jeff was leaving to go out of town at 7:00 am, so I told Allie if she wanted to open her two presents before he left, she needed to get up early. She took me seriously and wandered into my room at 6:30. The only other day she has ever been up that early on her own was Christmas morning. At least I know she has it in her. Her first present was a Barbie dress from Grandma and Grandpa. After the appropriate amount of hooting and hollering, she opened her other present, a scooter, and pretended to be surprised.


As Jeff was leaving, I didn't feel that I could take on a birthday party all alone, so I told her we would have to postpone it for a week or so. She wasn't thrilled, but she didn't complain too much. And although I definitely didn't want to spoil her, I wanted her to have a good birthday and I wanted her to know how much I love her. And I was kindly asked to "stop spending our money," after I accidentally cost us $300 to fix the computer and then forked out another $40 for a cleaner called Advanage when the guy came in and cleaned the hard water spots off my shower. So, how do I make her birthday special without really spending much money?

I made her waffles for breakfast (her request).
I let her take a bath in my tub (something they never get to do).
We went to Toys R Us where she got a balloon, crown and spent her $3 gift card (I pitched in another $3 so she could get a boy Barbie for the harem at home).
We went to Sonic for her free Wacky Pack.
I let her ride her new scooter around the house all day, because the weather outside was, well, frightful.
We went to Chuck E Cheese with our friends/next door neighbors (with the 31 tokens I found leftover from our last visit).
I made her spaghetti for dinner.

And at the end of the day she said, "Thank you for all the wonderful things." I think we succeeded.

The other kids had a good day, too. Just not with quite the "pampering" that Allie got.

This love sported his Jazz wear (thanks again to Ann M for his three shirts, so he can support his team every game!).

This love had nearly as much fun as Allie. She was invited into the bath with Allie and got her own Wacky Pack. She also attempted the scooter, which she is surprisingly good at.

And I love this pic of the boys.

Happy Birthday Allie! We wouldn't be nearly the same family without you. Here are the top five things I will remember about you this year:

1. You have grown tremendously academically. You can color, use scissors, and are learning to read. You are definitely ready for kindergarten.
2. You love Barbies. Nearly everything you wanted to buy for yourself was Barbie related.
3. You are the best big sister. You are usually so willing to share and Kyla adores you. I love hearing the two of you playing together. It is one of my favorite sounds in the world.
4. You are incredibly good at remembering song lyrics. Some I wish you would forget (like when you were riding your bike the other day singing, "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick").
5. You are such a girl. You love skirts and leggings, makeup, and high heels. You want to look pretty, and I love that about you.

3 months

Carter is three months old, and there is much to say about it. But that will have to wait for later. For this is a comparison post. I wish I had started taking monthly pictures next to an object with Damon and Allie, but alas, I did not. So you will have to work a little harder to compare the four fatties. First, here is Damon at three months (I'm a little TO'd that I couldn't find a full body shot (Kip Dynamite), but this was before we had gone fully digital):

And here's Allie:

Kyla, full body shot

And here's Carter.

I'm still wondering where that nose came from. Maybe he came equipped with it because someone knew he was going to have breathing problems and would need the largest nostrils possible. Thankfully he's got those cheeks, which remind us that he's ours. And those thighs that are getting bigger every day.

A Home for all Seasons

Right now the temperature is 37 degrees. And it's April 28th. Yesterday it was in the mid 70's (although very windy). I'm not loving spring in northern Utah. Jeff told me he was loving the weather we have had lately (gasp!) and I told him truthfully that I would be happy to have 2 rainy days a month, and the rest of the rain could occur during the night. Seriously, I'm a sunshine girl.

We once had a discussion about where we would live during the different seasons. And since I have lived in four very different places in my life, I feel like I have come up with the perfect combination.

During SPRING, I would definitely live in Jacksonville. The weather is gloriously beautiful, you can visit the beach, and play outside constantly without feeling like you've just stepped out of the sauna.

During SUMMER, I would opt for Orem. I love that it's hot enough to swim, yet cool enough in the shade to sit outside and watch the kids wear themselves out.

During FALL, I would live in Columbus. There is just nothing like the beauty of the leaves changing and the slight chill in the air. Not to mention football season. Fall in Ohio nearly makes up for the horror that is the other three seasons of the year.

And during WINTER, I would live in St. George. Cool enough to need a jacket, and close enough to play in the snow, without having to shovel or drive in it.

What about you? Where would you live if you could relocate each season?

Temp Agency 2

My long time readers may remember when I posted about jobs my children would be good at. I have been thinking about it recently, and decided it was time for to update their resumes.

Damon would be a fantastic bus driver. He is extremely punctual and thrives on routine. If he needed to be at a bus stop at 8:13, he would be there at 8:13. Without fail. He would also be a great professional organizer. Granted, much of his organization plan includes shoving things under beds, but it will always look clean. He could also have a future in politics, as he will tell you exactly what you want to hear. "Damon, will you please take all your smelly socks out of the bathroom?" "Sure, mom." And, like any good politician, he seldom follows through.

Damon has also become quite the little tennis player. On the Wii. He may have a future as the next Federer or Nadal, but only if he is allowed to play from the comfort of his living room. One day I was bragging to Jeff that Damon had gotten so good, and I wouldn't be surprised if Damon could beat him. Jeff didn't believe me until he had lost two games. The third game was close until Jeff "accidentally" whacked Damon on the back of the head with the wiimote, giving Jeff the win. Fishy...

Allie would make a great exterminator. She is terrified of bugs and would love nothing more than to kill them all. Provided she can do it from a distance. Spring weather has brought with it a plethora of stink bugs, and Allie has had to learn to live with them. The first time she saw one, she screamed as though she had seen an alligator coming at her and quickly ran away. After much coaxing, some threatening, and a little beating, I finally got her to come within 10 yards of the thing, guaranteeing her that it wasn't going to hurt her. A few days later, armed with a new found courage, she managed to get close to one, convinced that she was no longer afraid. But I knew it was just a rouse. If she comes across one of the savage creatures unexpectedly, she is likely to break into hysterics. Which she did one day as we checked out the progress in our backyard. She refused to move from the rock she was on and wet herself as she cried uncontrollably. Now tell me you don't want this girl keeping your home insect free?

Allie may also have a career as the new Deep Throat, provided she can uncover any useful information. She is smack dab in the middle of the Tattletale Phase, and loves to inform me of everything anyone else is doing. I'm not sure what tattletales get paid, but there may be a way to become infamous if she uses it to her advantage.

Kyla, I believe, may also have a future as a politician. She is great at telling outright lies, smiling all the while. We were at the Bean Museum, where they kindly ask that you don't touch any of the animals. She and I were looking at a zebra or an antelope or a peacock, and she reached out and touched it (truthfully, she probably touched all three). I said, "Kyla, you can't touch the animals," to which she responded, "I didn't." And despite my argument that I saw her touch it with my own eyes, she never confessed. Look out John Edwards. You may have company in the charisma department.

If politics don't work out, Kyla could try out for a job as a circus performer. She is constantly doing things at the playground that she has no business doing (such as crawling across the top of the monkey bars), and is far braver than either of the other two children. She is also very resilient. Our landscaper was talking to Jeff about the girls, and said (about Allie)," She is such a little woman." Then, pointing to Kyla, he said, "And she's so sturdy." That she is.

I could also see Kyla making an appearance on a reality show like Big Brother. While we were in Arizona, she quickly discovered the best part of swimming: the hot tub. And when she wasn't sneaking off to the lazy river, she could be found lounging with the teenagers. I was sitting by her one time and she asked me, "can I pee in here?" I quickly told her no, of course not, but she smiled and said, "I already did."

As for Carter, his skills are still pretty limited. I'm not sure there is a big market for snorting like a pig and getting chubby. Right now, I'd say his best chance is a job as a competitive eater, because the boy likes to eat. And at this rate, he may even be able to get a job as a Sumo wrestler. We shall see.

Nursing Dilemma

First of all, I wanted to say thank you for all the comments/encouragement about my frustrations with nursing. It definitely means a lot knowing that there are others out there who understand and care about what I'm going through.

And so the nursing saga continues...a couple of weeks ago, it seemed like Carter was a lot sadder than usual, and I began to wonder if it were possible that he was hungry. I had pumped plenty of times during our trip, and was pretty sure he was getting enough (3 oz every three hours). But this particular Sunday, he just seemed like he wasn't getting full and kept crying. So, I pumped again. And this time I only got about 2 oz, which I knew wasn't enough. And so I made up the difference with a little formula. Only I quickly found that 3 oz wasn't enough for him, either. After some trial and error, we have now settled into a routine of 5 oz every three hours. And he rarely spits up after, so I don't think I'm overfeeding him.

(To clarify: I pump every 6 hours. Usually I get about 5 oz total. I mix half with formula and save half for the next feeding. At night I nurse when he wakes up and then sometimes give him a couple oz of formula if he still seems hungry. I don't necessarily want to encourage the night time feedings, though, so if he falls asleep nursing, I just put him back in bed. Thanks Lara! I'm sure I will want to remember exactly what I did).

Now comes the dilemma...do I try to get my body to make more milk, or do I slowly start to wean him? And this is where I am very conflicted. If any of my babies deserve the extra benefits of nursing (ie the antibodies and health benefits), it is this little love who had such a rough start to life. Plus, he has so few pleasures in life, and nursing is one of them, I feel awful taking it away from him.

On the other hand, he has been so much happier since he is getting full, and has actually started sleeping at night (at least one five hour stretch!). Plus, I don't have to worry about whether or not he is getting enough and it is very convenient to make him a bottle while I do other things.

Enter Exhibit A: The Neglected Fourth Child

I was trying to get dinner made and the kids were playing the Wii, so I had to be creative. This only lasted a couple of minutes, and Allie came and took over for me.

Every time I think about what to do, I start getting anxious. It is a big decision to make. I just want to do what is best for him. And I feel like my negativity about nursing may be partly to blame for my lack of milk production. And I do my best to avoid making any decision at all. I continue to pump and mix it with formula, hoping that I will either suddenly make a lot of milk, and the decision will be made, or I will make less, and again, the decision will be made.

I try to tell myself that I AM doing what is best for him (and not just what is best for me), because he seems to be doing so much better. And really, isn't that so much more important than trying to force the nursing issue when I was already having so many issues to begin with?

But since it looks like formula is going to be a part of our lives indefinitely, here is something we get to deal with (warning: the following photo is a bit graphic in nature):

Exhibit B: The Blowout

The pooping has become very regular (once a day, sometimes twice, but one will be a yellow "breast milk poop") very green, and very large. Hence the reason I asked on Facebook for any tips on getting baby poop out of clothes. The overwhelming answer was Fels Naptha soap, which I am still trying to track down. I'll let you know how that goes.

Ultimately, I believe that Carter is going to be just fine no matter what decision I make. So maybe what is better for me is truly what is best for him. He doesn't seem to be complaining.

Meanwhile, these other two (plus Allie, who refused to be in the picture since she couldn't hold Carter) are so glad he isn't so fragile anymore. And even if they drive me crazy (Damon calls him "Tar-Tar Sauce," which bugs me, and Kyla can't restrain herself from unclipping his binky and blaming someone else), I am glad they love him so much.

How I flashed a guy...

One story from the vault:

On the way home from Arizona, we stopped in Flagstaff to get gas, a Redbox movie and to use the potty. At this particular Maverik, the potties were the Portable type, which my girls found very interesting. I had to repeat several times just why they didn't have to flush it. Allie finished doing her business and I squatted for my turn (no way was I going to let my bare behind touch that lovely seat). And, as expected, Allie started to unlock the door to let herself out. Why is it that my children have a hard time waiting the 15.6 seconds it takes me to finish and are always prematurely exiting the bathroom stall? I will never know. But it is the case. Half-heartedly, I told her to stop, knowing full well she wasn't going to listen, but also knowing I was just about finished anyway and wasn't planning to linger. No sooner had she shut the door behind her, when I stood up to pull my pants back up. And that's when the door opened. And a man started to enter our port-a-potty. While I stood there, complete with full frontal nudity, trying to pull my pants up. He apologized and quickly left, but really, it wasn't his fault. It wasn't even Allie's. It was mine. You can bet I will think twice (or even three times) before I ever use the port-a-potty with any of my children. An empty water bottle in the back of a rental car would be better, if it meant I kept my dignity.

After leaving Maverik, a bit shaken, we got back on the road and I arranged my breast pump so that I could get a bottle ready for Carter. Jeff told me to get myself together quickly, as we were about to pass a car on the road, and I needed to cover up. Heaven forbid I expose myself again to another unsuspecting person.

This picture is from later on the trip, outside Page. We took a short hike to this viewpoint of Horseshoe Bend. And to get this shot we literally backed up without looking as Jeff arranged us. I don't think I would have liked knowing just how close we all were to the edge (not THAT close, but still).

Can anyone figure out how we got this picture? The answer is in the photo. 10 points to the first person who figures it out.

More to come later. Our desktop is currently being wiped clean of all viruses (apparently a lot) and we should have it back tomorrow. And I'll write more about my nursing dilemma.

Spring Break!

Oh man, I feel so behind. So I'm just going to jump right in.

We spent Spring Break in Arizona with Jeff's family. A fun TRIP (never a vacation with kids, right Cassie?), but also a lot of work. First, here are the things that I didn't love about it:
1. The drive, which ends up being about 11 hours, counting stops (I must admit, the kids did amazingly well. Even Carter, who cried every time we got in the car, did really well on the long drives. The new dvd player in the van may have had something to do with the kids good behavior).
2. The close quarters. In an effort to save money, we shared a 2 bedroom condo with Jeff's sister, her three kids and her fiance and his two kids. It was tight. And because there were really three families in there, we never got a break from the kids. They slept at the foot of our bed, and Carter slept between us. It made for some interesting nights to say the least.
3. The endless junk food. Having little control over the food my kids were eating was hard. Every time I saw Kyla, her mouth was stuffed full of candy. And I'm not exaggerating.
4. The sunburns. Yes, I knew we were a nice shade of shocking white when we arrived, and was prepared with 3 different sunblocks (30 for the body, 50 for reapplication and 8 for legs, as well as Kyla's special 30 for her sensitive face), but we all managed to get a little burned. Damon was miserable one day, with his tomato face.

But those were small in comparison with all the things I loved about the trip:
1. The weather! It was so nice and warm, without being overly hot. It was so great to remind myself that the sun is still out there and that someday it will be warm here, too.
2. Swimming (okay, to clarify, I will say watching the kids swim). The kids wore themselves out at the different (heated) pools every day and were exhausted at night. It was fun to see them having so much fun.

Love Kyla's blue mouth. Yes, she always had candy.

3. Visiting friends and family (of which, sadly, I have no pictures). We got together with all Jeff's high school friends/families one night and it was SO FUN! I only wish it could have gone on several more hours. I dearly love those people, who have become my friends, too. I also got to see my sister, Heather, twice and that was great. I wish she lived next door to me. I miss her. AND, I got to see my bestie from BYU, Sarah and her kids. Man, we scored!
4. Spending time outside. Carter even got to enjoy a bit of fresh air one day while we were swimming, and he even let me put him down long enough to take a picture .

But really, he still spent most of the trip like this, snuggling with me:

(Notice my sunburn. This was our first day there, Sunday. After our Easter activities, we sat on the grass and I couldn't resist a little sun. I paid for it the rest of the trip. )

We took the kids to Tucson one day to the Sonora Desert Museum (like a desert zoo), which was a lot of fun (again, no pics).

5. Sharing in Jeff's childhood memories. Later on Easter Sunday, we drove around Mesa and saw Jeff's old neighborhood before stopping at the Mesa temple.

6. Easter. It was a lot of fun to have a lot of cousins together for egg hunting and entertainment on Easter. We missed conference (and are now trying to catch up, thanks to the DVR), and the kids didn't get to wear their Easter clothes until we got back, but it was a great day.

Allie had a little meltdown the first time we tried to take pictures, so this is the second try. Again, I'm sure Kyla has candy in her mouth.

And because this post is so random with no structure whatsoever, here is a pic of the kids yesterday, in their actual Easter attire.


I know Carter is crying. But that's how I will remember him at this age, so it's very appropriate.

7. My favorite memory, though, is one that really surprised me. It was something I didn't plan on enjoying. One night, Jeff wanted to drive to the Superstition Mountains and take pictures at sunset. That didn't sound very fun to me, but I finally decided to go along (because there would be Mexican food at Rosa's after). We arrived and Jeff disappeared to take his pictures while the rest of us waited in the car. I fed Carter, and knew that we still had a lot of time to kill before Jeff would be back, so I suggested that we take a walk.

And somehow, everything came together. The kids were happy and willing to go. Carter was happy and didn't cry at all. The temperature was perfect. The scenery was beautiful. And everyone cooperated when I wanted to take pictures.

As I was snapping away, all of a sudden, I had an overwhelming feeling of love for these four little people. And there was no reason for it, other than I just felt grateful that we could all be there together. I felt extremely lucky that we were able to do all the fun stuff we were doing, and that we were making memories together. It was a magical moment, one I know I'll always remember. I think this is my favorite picture of the trip.

I love that Kyla is holding desperately to Carter's arm, because that is what she always does. I love that Damon is the big brother, protecting his little buddy. I love that Allie is posing. I just love it. And I love those little monsters. I only wish Jeff had been there, too, at that moment. But knowing he was close by made it alright.

So, it was worth it. And I'm sure we'll do it again. Just not anytime soon. I am still trying to get things put back together, and I probably will be for several days. Which means that things are back to normal. Except I am a slightly darker shade of white now. Woo hoo!