MOM

I realize that I completely neglected to mention Mother's Day in any of my last posts. But you may have caught on that my feelings about motherhood haven't been entirely positive lately and so I skipped right over it. Today, though, has been a good day. My friend, April, came over this morning and picked my kids up so I could spend the day doing whatever I wanted to do. Isn't that awesome? I had a doctor's appointment (for which, sadly, I had to wait too long) and then went to get my hair cut. I had lunch with Jeff and have spent the last hour sitting in my quiet house (not entirely clean, but very quiet) enjoying these precious moments and feeling a little bit better about being a mom (in case you are wondering, I am dilated to a 4 and am 50% effaced, so this baby could come quickly and at any time!).

All I have ever wanted to do since the time I was little was be a mom. Like most of the other girls in my El Ed major at BYU, we were constantly looking forward to our real careers as mothers. I have never wanted to work and I never intend to (unless something unforeseen happens, of course), but hope to fill my days just the way I do now--by taking care of my family. Most of the time, I really love what I do. It's hard and frustrating and at times I don't feel appreciated, but it's so worth it. I really am looking forward to having another child to love and to watch her own personality blossom before my eyes, despite all the things I may have said to the contrary. Damon and Allie make me crazy but I can't imagine loving anyone more. I think that's my favorite thing about motherhood--how much my capacity to love has increased (I feel a little like the Grinch whose "heart grew three sizes that day"). Love definitely makes life worth living and enjoying.

I also want to give a little shout out to my own mom. She is coming to Jacksonville in six days and I cannot wait. It's true that you learn the most from those who are least like you, and my mom and I are very different people. That being said, most of the good things I have learned in my life have come directly from her. She's an amazing, friendly, righteous, caring person and I am constantly reminded how I can improve when I am around her. I love you, mom, and can't wait to see you and your new haircut! I hope I will have the same type of relationship with my own girls as they grow up and start families of their own.

Okay, I know I posted this a while back on my old blog, so if you read it then, don't feel like you have to read it now. This is just a little essay on Motherhood I was dabbling with and I felt like sharing again (one part is new, if you were wondering).

My Greatest Challenges, My Greatest Blessings

Motherhood changes your life. I can’t imagine a greater understatement than that. Of all the things that have been meaningful in my life, nothing comes close to my experiences as a mother, both in a negative and positive way. Somewhat surprising, though, has been my rediscovery of emotions that I thought I had, at the very least, outgrown.

Making the transition from girlhood to womanhood, for me, was one of the least pleasant experiences of my life. It seemed my emotions were dangerously close to the surface; I was ready to lash out in anger or cry in despair at a moment’s notice. Gradually, though, I adjusted to the myriad of changes taking place inside and became confident in my ability to deal, healthily, with whatever life had to throw at me. Then I became a mother. And with the joys of motherhood came opportunities to experience an array of emotions again.

ANNOYANCE

While I remember, at times during my childhood, seeing my mother irked by something I did, I am sure I had no idea how annoyed she could’ve possibly been by me and my siblings. It seems that I am constantly reminding myself to look for the good in my children, instead of being annoyed with the blatantly obvious. Why must my son spill his drink all over the table at seemingly every meal? Why does my daughter think my chasing her down the street barefoot is the most hilarious thing she’s ever encountered? Why can a perfectly clean house be torn apart in mere minutes, as though a tidal wave has swept through?

For once, I would like to get dressed or use the bathroom without having to lock the door. I would like to have a conversation with a loved one on the phone without having to shoo my children away. I would like to take a bubble bath in peace, without dreading the knock and the inevitable, “Can I get in, too?”

In a perfect world, the hour before dinner would be free from whining, toys would find their way back to their proper homes on the own, and every quiet moment of the day wouldn’t be filled with someone saying, “watch me.” In a perfect world, food would always end up in my children’s mouths, not on their face, clothes and recently mopped floor. In a perfect world, my son wouldn’t freak out every time I leave the room, my daughter wouldn’t verify the contents of her diaper by sticking her finger inside, and my children wouldn’t play with everything in the house besides the toys in their bedroom.

But I don’t live in a perfect world; I live in my world. And in my world, I am annoyed far more often by my children than I am amused by them. It seems as though I am defined, more so than by anything else, as a mother; not as a woman with talents and limitless capabilities, but by the mundane tasks I perform, and am annoyed by, daily.

DELIGHT

At some point in my life, the magic of childhood was gone. Santa Claus, The Tooth Fairy and The Easter Bunny were distant memories and the playground that once looked so big and full of possibilities became small and very, very ordinary. But when I had children, some of that magic returned as I began to see the world through their eyes.

The smile on my face couldn’t possibly stretch any wider than it did when my son first shrieked in delight as he watched a guinea pig scrambling around its cage. I had forgotten how amusing animals could be. I had also forgotten how hilarious cartoons could be, until Damon laughed so hard watching “Tom and Jerry” that I thought he might need to be resuscitated. And who knew that changing a doll’s diaper repeatedly could be the most exciting thing you had ever done?

When my son announced, “I’m never, ever, ever going to give up Christmas” with complete solemnity, I swallowed a lump in my throat. When I decide that it’s time for a bath, and my daughter responds with her dance of joy, my heart quickens. The boa-like hug of gratitude for the perfect gift brings tears to my eyes as their happiness becomes my own. When my daughter falls asleep, her hand tightly wrapped around the strings of Valentine’s Day balloons, I can’t help but giggle. And when I see them getting excited together, over blowing out candles on a birthday cake, it’s almost too much for me to take.

There’s something about the smiles on their faces that speaks volumes about how genuinely happy they are, and somewhere deep inside, I am delighted, too. Those are the moments when the child within me begs to be let out; those are the moments I live for.

ANGER

I have dealt with feelings of frustration all of my life. However, it was only after becoming a mother that my frustration began blossoming into anger. Nothing has made me more upset than the sneakiness my son has already become accustomed to. At only four years old, he has discovered that telling the truth only gets you into trouble, while sneaking and lying, most of the time, gets you what you want. When I found a drawing of a man, beautifully drawn in red marker, on the wall in the kitchen, I made the mistake of asking if he had done it. Graciously, he tried to pass the blame onto his little sister, who is only one, and whose drawings are slightly less detailed than the smiling man in the kitchen. This in itself made me a little angry, but had it been the end of it, I would’ve been able to forget about it.

A few weeks later, we found more drawings on the wall, this time conspicuously hidden in our children’s room. In four different places, the words DAMON ALLIE PRDE appeared, the remnants of a party that had apparently been held. He didn’t try to lie about that one, but the sneakiness he had employed made the anger burn more fiercely inside. I even heard him telling his friend, “Sometimes when my mom says no, I just sneak it.” Consider the temperature of my blood rising another degree.

Most recently, on our drive home from the grocery store, I saw him opening a package of string cheese and I told him, calmly and rationally, that we were having dinner soon and he couldn’t eat it. I don’t know why I expected to be obeyed, when his previous history does nothing to suggest that he found my argument rational, but I did. And so, of course, when the cheese was eaten a moment later, I felt something inside snap. I wanted to smack that little face that sat there so defiantly, challenging me to become someone I don’t even know, much less enjoy.
After every outburst of anger, I feel the inevitable guilt that is always close behind. I promise myself that I won’t let my frustration get the better of me, and that I will find a way to keep my anger from showing. But then I find a decorative pillow sitting on the couch, Damon’s name written boldly across the back in black pen, and I lose it all over again.

“My greatest challenges call me Mommy.”

HUMILITY

Walking hand-in-hand with the guilt I feel for all the negativity I feel about my children, I am humbled by the opportunity to be a mother. Never have I uttered a more true phrase than during the delivery of my second child. “I can’t do it,” I said, over and over, wishing there was some other option available to me. At times, I have struggled with thoughts that I can’t possibly be a good mother; I’m not patient enough, I don’t discipline in the correct way, I’m not fun enough, I don’t have the energy. Why is it that motherhood has brought me to my knees in a way that nothing else has? I am constantly humbled by my sheer lack of qualifications.

There must be someone better, someone more qualified to raise my children--someone who wouldn’t lose their temper when repeatedly disobeyed, someone who would cheerfully wash and fold the endless piles of laundry that demand my attention, someone who doesn’t need a moment’s privacy. But when I look around, I see there’s no one else. There’s no one else who will do my job, and by process of eliminating all other candidates, that leaves me as the best possible mother for my children. And that may be the most humbling feeling of all.

EMPATHY

Nothing can tear at your heartstrings more than watching helplessly as one of your children suffers. A visit to the emergency room can be terrifying as you realize that you are no longer in control of what is happening in your child’s life. The tears running down your child’s cheeks might as well be yours, so wholly do you share the pain they are enduring. You recognize immediately how much you care for this imperfect person, who only hours before you thought you’d like to send to live with someone else.

When Damon was three, he had an accident with a shopping cart that left us in the emergency room, trying to determine what course of action, if any, was needed to protect his private parts. I had never seen him so scared, and in turn, had never been so scared myself. I could sense how, despite all his anxieties, he trusted me completely, knowing that I would never ask him to do something if it wasn’t for his own good.

My heart has never been as full as it was during this, and other times of suffering. It’s almost too much to bear; you know you would do anything to take away the pain, even take it upon yourself, if it meant your little one wouldn’t have to suffer. It is in these moments of worry and despair that I have felt the closest to heaven. As imperfect as I may be, I love my children more fiercely than I ever imagined it was possible to love anyone, and I catch a glimpse of just how much God must love me. Being a mother has changed me in the most profound way; it has brought me closer to God.

I will admit, there are many occasions when I wonder why on earth I chose this path in life. Why would I choose to do something that, unanimously agreed upon, is the most difficult thing a woman could ever undertake. The heightened emotions I have felt haven’t always been pleasant; in fact, most of the time, I would do anything to feel “normal” again.

But as I think about the ways that being a mother has changed me, and how experiencing both the highs and the lows of motherhood have made me into a better, more patient, loving person, I know that I would do it all again. I dread the day when there are no more little voices echoing through the house; I am constantly surprised with my children’s wit, their exuberance, and their life. I will miss open-mouthed kisses, hugs that let me know that they want no one else, and tender prayers said in my behalf. For all of the challenges motherhood has provided, for the depth of emotion that I have only begun to appreciate, I know that I wouldn’t change a thing.

“My greatest blessings call me Mommy.”

Video

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So, I am trying an experiment with video sharing and we'll see if it works. This is a video from our ward Christmas party. Allie, for whatever reason, didn't like Uncle Greg and always gave him the meanest looks when he tried to talk to her. She has since forgiven him for his offenses, but it sure was funny at the time.

One of those days...

I know you have all had them...days when you are counting down the hours until you can put your kids in bed and just relax!! Today was a rough day for me as a mom and I'm glad it will not be the only day I am judged on in my lifetime. I had a lot of stuff I needed to get done today so I never got dressed, but wore b-ball shorts and my Survivor buff all day long. Of course, the kids were not very cooperative and made things much more difficult than they needed to be. Here are some of the highlights from today:

1. Both kids waking up at 2:00 am (Allie with bad dreams and Damon with no sympathy) and not letting me get back to sleep for at least an hour.

2. Damon making "pathways" from his bedroom throughout the family room with books from his bookshelf (I cleaned that one up).

3. Allie running topless down the street to the house on the corner where the sprinklers were on while I was putting laundry in the washer (she ran faster when she saw me chasing her).

4. Damon and Allie spilling a third of a box of Cheerios on the porch outside (Damon cleaned that one up).

5. Allie running down the street naked while I changed the laundry (again, I had to run full speed after her, which is probably why I am so sore tonight. Also, full speed for a 38 week pregnant woman is not much faster than Allie's full speed, which is why she kept getting so far away from me).

6. Allie spilling her cereal all over the floor and slipping on the milk (I cleaned that one up after Allie tried to clean it up).

7. Allie sitting in timeout for running away from me and somehow (HOW DOES SHE DO IT?) finding a bottle of purple nail polish and dumping it all over the carpet. Does anyone have any good secrets on how to get nail polish out of the carpet? I used some remover but the fumes were getting to me so I switched to hydrogen peroxide and got a bunch out. I also tried Shout and carpet cleaner, but after my hour or so of scrubbing, there is still a huge purple stain on the carpet.

8. Allie dripping her milk all over the leather chair in the family room (she cleaned that one up).

9. Damon dumping Allie's dinner all over the floor (I cleaned that one up).

10. Allie opening the geckos' cage and trying to spray them with water (I was relieved when Jeff got home and told me that he had moved the geckos and they weren't in that cage anymore--the last thing any of us need is for Allie to get salmonella).

11. Damon cutting out coupons for me and leaving his mess all over the table (he cleaned that one up).

12. (The REAL highlight of the day) Allie taking a three-hour nap. I don't know when the last time she did that was, but it was heavenly. Unfortunately, I fell asleep for part of the time and spent the rest of it scrubbing the carpet so I didn't get as much done as I could have, but I think it was a tender mercy of Heavenly Father because he obviously knew how close I was to locking her in her room for the entire afternoon.

Some days are just not fun as a mother, and I find myself thinking How in the world am I going to handle three? The answer to that is probably "not very well." It's not long now until we find that out. Especially if I have to keep chasing Allie down the street in various amounts of clothing. Honestly, if I don't got into labor tonight it will be a miracle. Or another tender mercy. Take your pick.

Crafty-shmafty

Let's begin by saying I am not a crafty person. I never have been and I have never even tried to fool myself into thinking that I could be. My sewing experience consists of one summer class at Bernina making shorts for myself that shrunk as soon as I put them in the washing machine and I never got to wear them (I'm sure they would've fallen apart had they been big enough, but that is besides the point). Jeff did buy me a sewing machine for Mother's Day a few years ago and I can count the number of times I have used it on two hands. I know I am not a good "Mormon woman," and am hoping that I will always surround myself with those of you who are so you can make up for my obvious shortcomings in this department.

So, it may not be surprising to you that I have quiet book pages I made with a group four years ago that have never been assembled into a book. My mom took half of the pages and made one book with them, but the other ones were waiting for me to figure out how to put them together. I even went so far as to sew the pages back to back, so they would be ready to go into a book. But all that was years ago and the pages have been sitting in a tupperware box in the closet (in two different houses, no less) since then.

Lately, I got the idea that this would be a fun task to undertake before baby girl was born and Jeff was happy that I was actually going to use the sewing machine instead of letting it sit in the box. I conceived the idea that I would sew a cover, use adheisve sticky stuff to run a ribbon down the middle of the inside which would hold three rings. Then, I would attach eyelets to the pages and thread them through the rings, sort of like a cloth three-ring binder. Sounds good, doesn't it (p.s. it wasn't my idea--I copied off someone else)? So about a year or two ago I bought eyelet "pliers" and eyelets, which never came out of the package until I really got serious last week. I soon found that the eyelets were not easy to attach and quickly had to abandon that idea. I bought some fabric from Wal-Mart (the $1 a yard stuff so even if I messed up several times it would only cost me a buck) and this morning decided it was time to get it together (maybe getting the book done will bring the baby, who knows?).

Anyway, I ended up sewing through all the pages I had because that was the way my mom had done it (I did have a heavy duty needle, thanks to my mom), and why certainly not great, it worked. Then, I sewed the cover and ran the machine through the whole mess a few times. Guess what. It's actually staying together. Granted, it doesn't look great, but it's for my kids and they don't seem to care too much. I also used the ribbon I was originially going to use to hold the rings in the middle on the outside to cover up the ugly stitches that hold the whole book together so it doesn't look too bad unless you really get up close.Now, I'm not posting this because it is something I am very proud of. In fact, I'm sure my sewing was better back in sixth grade at Bernina. But I am checking this goal off my list of "Things to Do Before My Life Changes AGAIN and I have Three Kids." It's a small checked pattern and the camera made it look very psychadlelic, which it's not, but you get the basic idea. Please don't look too closely.

Here is a shot of the inside.

And here's Damon giving me all the approval I need. Don't mind the fact that it's 11:00 and he's still in his pajamas. And don't mind the fact that Allie is running around naked. That is an entirely different story (my compromise with her because she wants to be potty-trained and I am holding back on the reins with all my might) and would probably be a good post one of these days.



So, for all of you who are reading this who actually have incredible skills (and I know there are many of you), I applaud you. And could you please come visit me in Florida and teach me a thing or two?

p.s. And a quote from Damon this morning. I hope no one is annoyed by all the quoting of my children that I do, but I am not planning on stopping any time soon.

(looking at a picture of a shark's heart). "Is that his heart?"
"Yes it is."
"Do sharks love people?"
"No, sharks don't love anyone."
(excitedly pointing to the sky) "Yes, they do! They love God."
"I guess I can't argue with that."

Quickie

Two more I wanted to remember.

"I can't leave my Easter eggs outside, because the bad guys might take them."
"Bad guys only want to take things that cost a lot of money."
"Easter eggs don't cost a lot of money?"
--Damon and me, discussing what robbers are really after.

"Crash, fire," Allie says, only partially awake.
"There's no fire in the house, honey." I am trying to calm her as quickly as possible so I can get back in bed. It is, after all, 1 a.m.
"No, scary crash fire." Allie refuses to believe me and continues to whine about the dream she had with a scary fire.
"The fire is in Georgia, Allie," Damon pipes up from his bed.
"Okay." Satisfied with this explanation, Allie goes back to sleep.

A little bit of this

A couple of quotes:

"Mom, I drank so much water it made my pee silver."
"You mean clear?"
"Yeah, it made my pee clear."
--Damon, commenting on his bathroom observations

"Sometimes when I listen to this song tears come out because I love it so much."
--Damon, listening to the primary song "Tell me, Dear Lord"

"How's school, Damon? Good? K."
--Allie, responding to her own question after Damon refused to talk to her.

Do you know what really bugs me? Children's books that are "partial rhymers." Do you know what I'm talking about? Some pages rhyme and some don't and it's hard to tell exactly how to read it. And then there are books that try to rhyme throughout and don't make a lot of sense. I know it's not easy to get published as a children's author, but a lot of the books I have read to my kids are just really poorly written. And it bugs me.

It's cooled down again, thankfully, and it's actually been very pleasant. We haven't had rain in a few weeks and our stake even asked us to fast for rain. We just can't seem to get away from that. You'd think in Florida it wouldn't be that big of a deal, but with the fires burning in southern Georgia, we're in desperate need of some assistance. Sunday brought a few drops (Damon thinks it's because he's been praying for rain, although he wasn't sure why it didn't rain mroe), but none to Georgia.

The kids are doing better, sleeping all night again, I'm happy to report. I just wish I could sleep all night, because I know that soon I won't be and I'd like to enjoy these last couple of weeks. Too bad the last month of pregnancy makes that impossible.

Well, that was a really random post but it's all I got today. I think I stayed up too late watching the Jazz game (only the first half and it was almost midnight) and I'm not fully functioning today. It was worth it, though...go Jazz!

Haircut

So, a couple of years ago I started cutting Jeff's hair so we could save some money and I must admit that he has put up with more than his fair share of bad haircuts in the meantime, including the time I ended up in the bathroom crying because I made it look so bad. But I have gotten better and even though I will never be offering to cut anyone else's hair, I feel pretty confident about cutting his. Now, you'd think that because it is free and because I am fairly flexible in my schedule, he would be more likely to keep his hair fairly short. But he doesn't. He likes to wait until it's so long that it's curling toward his ears. This time was particularly long and I had to document it with a picture.

Because it was so long, I tried to go a little shorter than I usually do (I avoid the smaller guards because you can't hide your mistakes with those very well), and it's not perfect. But the good thing is that hair grows and unless you really are looking at it, you can't tell. Here's the after shot.

Ahhh. Isn't that so much better? I love when he gets his hair cut, so you think that would be incentive to do it more, but I haven't found that to be the case yet. I have to admit that I am looking forward to the day when I don't have to do it anymore because it always looks better when someone who actually knows what they are doing takes a stab at it. But at least for now it's a way to save money and practice learning a new skill.

Tag--again

So, here is another survey. I'm sure you're all dying to read it, but I am looking for an excuse to ignore my kids right now until I can deal with them (a little more calmly).

1. COMICS OR NOVELS? Novels
2. NEAT OR SLOB? I would say a little of both. I like for things to be clean and orderly but sometimes it is just too much work and so I decide that I can live with it instead of stressing about it. It's not worth the fight.
5. CHOCOLATE OR PEANUT BUTTER? Both, preferrably together, as in the perfect Reese's Egg at Easter
7. COLD OR HOT? I'll take hot as long as it's hot and dry. Humidity in Florida has caused me to put that disclaimer on that.
8. TALK OR SLEEP? I'd say sleep--I've never been one for a lot of talk, but I love to write and vent that way.
15. BEING TOLD YOU'RE LOVED, HAVING TIME SPENT WITH YOU, GETTING A PRESENT, HAVING SOMETHING DONE FOR YOU, BEING TOUCHED.WHICH DESCRIBES YOUR GREATEST NEED? That's a tough one. Out of those choices, I would say having something done for you. It's usually the hardest to accept but so nice.
16. WHICH IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE SEASON? Winter. I'm not particularly looking forward to snow and gray skies for months at a time once we settle in Utah.
18. DO YOU LIKE YOUR PHOTO BEING TAKEN? Definitely not.
20. HAVE YOU EVER BLABBED A SECRET WHEN YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T? I think I was the one to spill the beans about a friend being pregnant, but in my defense, she hadn't asked me not to say anything, so I don't think it was blabbing.
22. WHO DO YOU THINK HAS THE MOST INTERESTING LIFE IN YOUR SOCIAL(blog) GROUP? It depends on the day. I love blogging and I wish more of my friends took advantage of it.
25. DO YOU EVER FANTASIZE ABOUT HAVING A DIFFERENT LIFE? Not a different life, just a different stage in life. Like one where I don't have to lock every door in the house besides Allie's bedroom. Also, about when I will be able to roll over in bed without pulling a muscle.
26. HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO START YOUR LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN? Huh. I don't think I would say start all over, but we have had to make new starts when we weren't necessarily expecting to--moving to Ohio (Jeff had me convinced we were going to Kentucky), losing a baby, moving to Florida (I didn't think there was any way he would specialize)...
27. WHAT ARE THE THREE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS TO LOOK FOR IN A RELATIONSHIP? Commitment is #1. I'd say love is #2. I'll go with compatibility #3.
26. WORDS, TONE AND DELIVERY, OR BODY LANGUAGE: WHICH DO YOU ABSORB FIRST? WHICH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT? Tone. You can never portray sarcasm in an email (at least not in the same way) and that should tell you something.
30. ARE YOU A GOOD COMMUNICATOR? Verbally, no. I never have been. I would rather keep things inside until I get over them than bring them up. But I think I am a good written communicator, so at least I'm not a total failure in that area.
31. DO YOU THINK YOU TALK TOO MUCH? No. I definitely wish I were more assertive and friendly, but I really make people work to get to know me. Sad, but true.
32. CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH? For me, the truth is far better than worrying about what might happen. I think that's the way it is for most people who have anxiety--when soemthing bad actually happens, you're amazed at how you can deal with it. But when you're only worried about something bad happening, it can control your life.
33. HOW OFTEN DO YOU CRY? I'm not on a regular crying schedule, so that's hard to say. Far more often when I'm pregnant, for sure.
36. WHAT SOUND ANNOYS YOU THE MOST? Damon and/or Allie whining.
44. WOULD YOU RATHER BE SINGLE, DATING, ENGAGED, OR MARRIED? Married for sure. It's so nice to know that someone will love you and be with you through everything you will ever go through.
47. SIGNIFICANCE, SELF-WORTH, OR SECURITY. WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT? Self-worth, but the other two are really important, too.
48. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPERHERO POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I'd love to be able to fly, but I really will have to go with an extra set of arms (Go Gadget, Go!)
50. DO YOU THINK YOU'RE A GOOD DRIVER? Yes, for the most part. I'm not counting the time I drove the car into the house in Ohio, because I think I was temporarily out of my mind.
52. WHY DO YOU GO TO WORK: I don't and I hope I never have to again (that's what Jeff promised me when I got my last job at Maid Brigade so we could get residency in Ohio).
53. WHO WAS YOUR FAVORITE TEACHER? WHATS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT? I really didn't have anything I was passionate about (is that why I majored in Elementary Ed?), but I loved creative writing with Mrs. Jacobsen. I wish I would've done more in college. I also loved my ASL class at BYU.
54. WHO'S SURVEY ANSWERS WOULD YOU MOST WANT TO SEE? Everyone who hasn't filled this out yet, so I tag you if you are reading this!

Kennedy

A couple of weeks ago we drove down to the Kennedy Space Center just south of Daytona Beach. Often confused with Cape Canaveral, which is where unmanned space craft are launched, Kennedy Space Center is the place where our astronauts are launched into space. It was a bit pricey to get in, but after we'd driven for two hours, we didn't really have a choice whether or not we were going to pay for it. We had a fun day and got to see a lot of cool things. This is an actual "moon rocket" we're standing under. Those are the five engines that help get the bad boy off the ground. I had no idea just how big it would be!





Now, most of you are aware of how much Damon has loved space. He has said that he wants to go to space when he gets older (as long as we go with him), but he was a little scared of what he saw there. He still loves space, but he got a little freaked out when he thought we were actually going to blast off. Allie was fine until we met the "astronaut," and then she got scared.

Yes, that was the last time I wore those overalls. They used to be so comfortable (albeit quite the fashion statement), but I realized that was the end of the road for them. I'm sure no one is going to miss them but me.

This one is kind of dark, but I liked it anyway.

For those of you who may be contemplating a trip to Florida (and I hope there are some of you), KSC is probably something you could put halfway down your list of things to do. It was fun, like I said, but I don't think it was worth the money. I don't think Disney World is worth the money, either, but I would put that higher on the list of things to do in Florida. But how could we not go? Damon may not want to be an astronaut anymore, but he is already asking to go back and that is really all that matters, right?

p.s. The picture on the left of Damon and Allie is from this trip. Damon was helping her see one of the launch sites. It wasn't staged, although we had to make them hold the pose longer than they normally would have.

My Baby's Two

So, yesterday was Allie's birthday. She has now officially entered the "terrible two's," although I think she had accomplished that prematurely weeks ago. I was looking through some old pictures and decided to share a few from Allie's life. Here is one when she was just a few days old. I love how sweet newborns are, there is just nothing like it in the world.

This is from her blessing day, about six weeks old.

This one is from Halloween. She was six months old. I chose this one because for most of her first year, she wanted to be held. My Baby Bjorn was a good compromise and so we managed to work it into her costume.

This is last Easter and has to be one of my favorite pictures, just because not even an Easter egg was enough to keep her from crying. This was in Ohio, but that is Isaac sitting next to her, wondering why in the world she is crying when there is candy to be had!

And this is from her birthday last year, when she first got to try some birthday cake (I don't remember a time before that when she would've had any).

I know babies change the most during the first year of their lives, but that second year is full of changes, too. Somewhere along the line, she stopped being a baby and turned into a toddler with a mind of her own. I have written before about her love of baby dolls (Bexley, in particular) and so, of course, most of what she got for her birthday was geared toward her nurturing side (also a sly effort on our part to get her ready for baby sister). Here she is standing next to her new high chair and cradle.

The white on her hand is from yet another mess she made when she managed to get into the baby powder and diaper rash medicine and rub it all over Bexley AGAIN!

All she wanted for her birthday, though, was a cake with Skittles. She recently went to a birthday party where the little girl had one and she has been talking about it since. So, I did my best to get a lot of Skittles on there. I know it's hard to read, but it says "Allie's 2!" and her reaction when she saw it was priceless. Of course Damon had to comment that I am not as good at baking cakes as my mom (who made him a space cake for his fourth birthday), but who is?

We had a little barbeque with some friends at the park and we had a great time. The cake was a big hit with the kids and the weather was perfect for an evening outdoors.

It was a fun day to celebrate Allie and Damon made it that much more enjoyable for her by being nearly as excited as if it were his own birthday. I have enjoyed reliving (parts of) her first two years and I can't believe how much I love her. And it's a good thing, too, because if I didn't, we would've gotten rid of her long ago. Happy Birthday Allie!

Additions

I forgot about a couple of other things that I would like to blame on pregnancy (shocking, isn't it?).

#1-I can't exercise. That seems fairly obvious, but I had high hopes of taking my kids for walks on these beautiful Jacksonville mornings, but I just can't do it; I get too sore. It feels like when you do a bunch of sit-ups and wake up with sore abs the next day, except this pain is several inches lower. I find myself lifting up my belly, hoping it will help. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. It's awfully annoying.

#2-I am definitely more emotional than I used to be. I wrote a while back that I was crying (fairly hard, actually) at the end of Mr. Holland's Opus. I failed to write that I only watched the end, yet still managed to get very emotional only seeing the end. Mostly, I think it's a good thing, because I "get a little misty" (my dad's term) when I feel touched and I'm glad that's often. However, when I nearly burst into tears because Allie has poured a bag of chip crumbs on the floor after I have just vacuumed or sneaked the same box of cereal for the fifth time and is sitting down ON the table to eat it (both of which happened this morning, by the way), I think it's going a bit too far. I am looking forward to being able to sit through American Idol without wiping away any tears, but that may not happen for a while (if I remember post-delivery at all).

Speaking of American Idol, I am a bit ticked off by what happened last night. I got home from book club at 11:00 and knew I would never make it through the whole thing if I tried to watch it all, so I tried to catch the highlights and I was anxious to find out who got voted off. I need to be careful about what I say, because I don't want it to come across like I don't care. I'm really glad they are doing this great thing and giving all this money to people who really need it. That part is great. But having a two hour show, and leading with the teaser "shocking results," and letting poor Jordin think she is going home before announcing that EVERYONE is safe was ridiculous. Honestly, I thought the girl was going to break into hysterics (and who knows?? I might have, too!) and she probably wasn't even close to being in the bottom two (I may be wrong). All I'm saying is if they wanted to have last night be about doing good and feeling good, they should've warned us earlier on. I know all the votes cast (70 million--wow) were doing more than just voting to keep people on, but don't you think they feel a little bit cheated?

Alright, I'm glad I got that off my chest, and to come back full circle, my chest is something I can thank pregnancy for, although it's harder to enjoy when it is eclipsed by the size of my belly.

OH YEAH

One funny thing before I forget. This one comes from Damon. After finding out that Joseph Smith was shot and killed (which he was not happy to hear), he told me, "I don't want to die until I'm old; I want to see what this world's about."

Don't we all?

Pregnancy fact or fiction?

I don't like to use pregnancy as an excuse for too many things. I can't say that my craving for ice cream and cookies is any more intense than it was eight months ago. I'm sure I'm hot more often because it's a lot warmer outside than it used to be. And I don't think it's anything new that I can't stay awake past 10:30 at night.

But there are a couple of things that I think I can, legitimately, blame on pregnancy, and even if I can't, I'm going to anyway.

#1-THE CLUTTERED HOUSE. For anyone who has been pregnant before, you know how uncomfortable it is to bend over, and so I have realized that most of the toys on the floor are going to stay there until someone else can pick them up. I have managed to learn to kick them all into a pile and then direct someone else to put them away, though.

#1a, going along with the bending, THE DIRTY FLOOR. I have also realized that my kitchen floor is not going to be clean (really clean) again until my mom gets here. Besides the fact that it's nearly impossible to use the dustpan (as a sidenote, I would really love to have a dustpan with a long handle, like the worker I saw yesterday at Wal-Mart), mopping upright is not enough to get all the mess off the floor. I try to spot mop as much as I can, but basically I have decided that I am okay with a half-done floor.

#2-THE LAUNDRY ISSUE. It's very difficult to do the laundry. For one thing, hauling a bulky laundry basket full of clothes is not comfortable. Secondly, I have to stand sideways when I'm changing the clothes from the washer to the dryer, which is also not exactly ideal. Finally, when I am putting the clothes away, there's more bending, which not only is uncomfortable, but also gives me heartburn.

#3-THE FORGETFULNESS ISSUE. This one is the one I am finally reluctantly adding to the list: forgetfulness. I've read that it is very common among pregnant women to be more forgetful than normal, but I wasn't sure if I believed it or not. I'm starting to. Last week I completely spaced Damon's parent/teacher conference until 9:00 at night (granted, this is preschool we're talking about, so it may not have been the most pressing thing on my mind). Every time I come home from the grocery store, there is something else I have forgotten to buy (and even put on the list). And today, after Damon had spent a good half hour unloading the dishwasher, I realized that I had forgotten to start it last night when it was full. Now I get to go through all the cupboards and try to remember which dishes are dirty so I can wash them while he's gone (ha! I'm sure you're thinking).

I guess this means I will have to keep my planner by my side at all times to help me stay organized. But then I'm faced with two other problems--that gives Allie access to both my wallet (coin swallowing) and my pen (wall writing). What to do?

What was the question?

NOT so itsy bitsy spider

So, it seems like my kids are really trying to prepare me for sleepless nights when baby girl arrives by waking up every night and forcing me to take them back to bed. Isn't that so nice of them? I'm not exactly sure what is causing it, but I haven't had an interrupted night in weeks (and that's not including the times I have to get up to use the bathroom).

The worst was Friday night. I had gone to bed at around 10:30 and so when I heard Allie crying at 11:30 I was really disoriented, trying to figure out what was going on and why Jeff wasn't putting her back in bed (he was up watching tv). He came in and told me that she was scared and wouldn't get back in bed so I got up and took her back to her room. She started freaking out, saying there was a spider in her bed, and I could tell she was honestly terrified. I thought she must have had a bad dream and held her for a few minutes, trying to tell her that there was no spider. Damon left to sleep in the other room, not happy about having been woken up. After a few minutes, I got her back in her bed and went back to my bed. She came out crying and Jeff held her for a while, but when he tried to put her back in bed, she freaked out again. I couldn't sleep, so I got back up and went and laid by her in Damon's bed, which was anything but comfortable (how do kids sleep on such firm mattresses anyway?) . She started drifting off to sleep and, although when I got up she asked me to stay, I told her I needed to go to my own bed and she could sleep in Damon's. She seemed to be okay with that and she slept the rest of the night there. It was very similar to the night we spent in St. George over Christmas where she was afraid that the shadows on the walls were snakes, only this terror didn't last nearly as long.

Since Friday, though, she has wanted little to do with her own bed. Saturday night she actually fell asleep in her bed, but woke up sometime in the middle of the night complaining of spiders. I got her to sleep the rest of the night on the floor, which is where she ends up napping most of the time anyway. Yesterday, she didn't get a nap and fell asleep in the stroller a little before 7:00 so I just put her in bed. She slept until 12:00, but then woke up, again, scared of spiders. Between 12 and 1 she wouldn't stay in her room, but finally at around 1:00, she decided she would sleep in Damon's bed and Damon slept in hers. Crazy, but at least she's not demanding to be in bed with us.

Well, today, Allie comes wandering out of the guest room/new baby's room and tells me there is a spider web in there. I had heard enough about spiders, if you ask me, but I went in to have her show me (mostly so I could tell her there are no spiders). This time, though, there was a HUGE spider on my recliner (brown, with long legs, probably a little smaller than my palm) and my heart really started racing. I grabbed one of Jeff's shoes and went in to smack it (I also had a plastic bag so I could save it and show Jeff). But dang me for buying such a soft recliner--even though I hit it hard, the chair is so soft that I didn't kill it and it ran off to a crack in the chair.

Now, at this point I really started freaking out. I started wondering if Allie really saw this (or, heaven forbid, another) spider Friday night, or if it was a nightmare like I thought. And since I could no longer find the spider, I couldn't kill it, and I started wondering if it has laid eggs in my recliner. Keep in mind, this is going to be my baby's room in a few short weeks, and the thought of huge spiders running around in there really gave me the willies. When I told Jeff about it, he said it's probably a banana spider, which are harmless, and that everyone has spiders in their house. I'm sure they do, but you don't usually see them and your little girl who is already freaked out about them shouldn't have to find them. I locked that door and it will remain locked until Jeff gets home tonight, although he isn't too optimistic about finding it. I'm also going to call someone to come and spray because, honestly, I really can't live like this. And not just for Allie's sake anymore.

Okay, enough about the spider. I don't even want to think about it anymore. I wanted to post this picture from the other morning. I mentioned that Friday night was a rough one for us, and Jeff got up with the kids Saturday morning so I could sleep longer (I LOVE when he does that). When I got up around 9:00, this is what I found on the couch:

Of course I smiled and ran to get the camera, but my next thought after that was, "I wonder if Jeff ever thought his life would turn out like this?"

Anatomy

I have what's known as a septated uterus. Sounds bad, doesn't it? Don't worry, it's not a big deal, but it is the reason I have been able to have ultrasounds every 4 weeks through my entire pregnancy. I'm sure you weren't expecting a lesson in female anatomy today, but that's what you're going to get if you keep reading. Here is a picture of a normal uterus. You probably have seen something similar to this in your doctor's office while you're waiting for something fun like a breast exam or a pap smear.

When I was in labor with Damon, my doctor told me that there was something blocking the birth canal that needed to be removed. She called it a septum and at the time my only thought was, "get it out of the way so this baby can come out!" Since then, though, I wondered what it in the world it was and where it came from.

After we lost Chance, I became a high risk candidate and started having lots of ultrasounds when I was pregnant with Allie to make sure there was nothing wrong with my cervix (there wasn't). My doctor also told me that I had a "heart shaped" uterus and that I would probably feel the baby more on one side than the other. Still, I didn't really understood what it meant and it didn't really make much of a difference. With this pregnancy, though, I've finally come to understand exactly what it is that I have and so now you get to learn about it, too. Here is a picture of a septate uterus:

When the two halves of the uterus are fusing (in embryo), they don't always make a perfect triangle, but a septum forms that divides the two halves. In some ladies, the septum extends all the way through, creating two separate uteruses (uteri?), which would be crazy. A lot of ladies with a septate uterus have problems carrying babies full term because there isn't as much space inside. This may have something to do with my water breaking at 20 weeks with Chance, but I don't think so (I have carried two other babies to term without problems and am well on my way with this one). So, with me, the doctor removed my septum at the time Damon was delivered, leaving me with a slightly heart-shaped uterus. They told me at one of my ultrasounds that they wanted to monitor the baby and make sure she wasn't getting too big (I guess I could potentially run out of room). And so, for that, I get to see my baby every four weeks. I think I am the luckiest high risk pregnant woman around, because I get excellent care and, so far, have nothing to worry about. Isn't that great?

And now I am laughing at myself for posting pictures of a uterus (at least it's a drawing, right?)

on my blog and hoping that no one else thinks it's entirely ridiculous. I know it is, but this is for posterity and I think it's important. So, I hope you aren't grossed out by that, but maybe learned something new. :)

Back to Blogger

Well, I've been meaning to make the switch back for a while now (ever since Blogger offered private blogs) and I decided to do it now. Hopefully this will make things easier for a lot of you, since I know you already have google accounts and are on blogger already. For those of you who are still with me, wow, I am impressed. I would post even if I knew no one was reading but me, but it's MUCH more fun knowing that there are other people who are reading along, too, and I like that you are a part of my life. THANKS!!

Soapbox

For any of you who went to BYU, remember the Soapbox? Did anyone ever get up and say anything? Fun memories. Anyway, as I’m taking Damon to preschool today, I see something that reminds me of one of my biggest pet peeves and it is going to be my topic for today. I don’t understand what makes it okay for people to toss cigarette butts anywhere they please, as though somehow that’s not littering. Am I the only mom who has had to pull an old cigarette butt from their child’s mouth at a playground? I highly doubt it. Almost anywhere you go you can find cigarette butts tossed on the ground and I really can’t stand it. How many times have you seen someone toss a butt out their car window right into the path of your car, and been grateful that you didn’t instanty ignite (is that just me?). In my opinion, there should be some more imposing fines placed on these types of litter-bugs because not only are they poisoning our air, they are also poisoning our ground. And I will now step off my soapbox.

A word about potty-training: I am not ready to start potty-training Allie. I don’t even want to think about it. It was so nice with Damon to pretty much have the whole thing done in one day (we waited until after he turned 3 to even try) and I was hoping for a similar experience with Allie. Well, she has been really showing interest in using the toilet and I have let her sit on it, fully clothed, whenever she wants. I’ll even let her get a tissue and pretend to wipe. But now she’s been asking to take her clothes off and sit on the toilet and this has made me very nervous. I am not going to be a half-hearted potty training mama and go back and forth from diapers to underwear again and again. But last night, Allie peed on the toilet against my better judgment. She had just gotten out of the bath and was standing in the family room “nakedeenis.” She was looking at some books and I was getitng ready to haul my huge body off the couch and get her ready for bed when I saw her start to bend her legs in an unnatural position and instantly a warning bell went off in my head telling me she was about to (or already had) pee on the floor. I asked her if she needed to go potty and, of course, off she went running into the bathroom. She climbed up on the toilet, sat there for a few minutes, and to my amazement, peed in the toilet. I didn’t want to make a big deal about it, but when Damon found out, he acted like it was the greatest thing in the world. Now, luckily for me, she hasn’t asked to do it again and I am definitely not going to encourage her at all, but I thought it was something that I needed to write about so I can read it to her someday.

Oh, and p.s. I was completely wrong about Chris last night. He wasn’t even in the bottom three. I can’t say I’m sad about Sanjaya leaving, though. We’ll know tomorrow who votefortheworst.com is targeting next. Maybe Phil?

April 18--Observations

In the afternoons when I am picking Damon up from school, there are a few things from our drive:
#1-There must not be enough stop lights/crosswalks on Ft. Caroline, because there is ALWAYS someone jay-walking.
#2-I don’t know if this is unique to Jacksonville, or if it is a common trend among all US middle schools, but I have seen a ton of middle schoolers wearing kids backpacks (Sponge Bob, Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake, etc). Have any of you noticed anything like that where you live?#3-Allie likes to point out the snow cone place. She says, “Mommy, snow cone place.” She has never had a snow cone and doesn’t know why I get excited when I see it, but it’s still fun that she gets excited.
#4-Allie has also learned from Damon about good music. She asks for “Fiyero,” “Take the Wheel,” and “Cheats” on a daily basis.
#5-There is an older couple (they look like they’re from India) that we always see walking and holding hands. Damon calls them the “love couple.” They are always bundled up, with beanies and scarves, even when it is warm and sunny outside. One time they weren’t holding hands and we commented that they must be in a fight.

Prediction for American Idol tonight? I think Chris is going home. I’ll probably be wrong, but we’ll see. By the way, whoever told him “nasally is another way to sing” was obviously trying to get him voted off.

April 17--Easter

Our internet wasn’t working yesterday and I was not too happy about that. But I’m back today and I need to post pictures from Easter before I write about anything else that is on my mind (which is a lot).

We went to an Easter Egg Hunt the Friday before Easter at Kids Kampus. They promised over 3,000 eggs, so we thought it sounded good. But unfortunately, there were far too many kids in front of us and by the time we got through the gate, there were no more eggs to be found. My kids literally found zero, which was really hard for Damon. Luckily, another little boy shared some of the eggs he had found with the kids, but it was still very disappointing.

Saturday we went to another hunt at Damon’s school (at the Baptist church). Before we could do the hunt, we had to go to the worship rally, where we did our best to sing our Easter praises. It was definitely an experience unlike any I have had before, and something that will always remind me of Easter in the south. Damon didn’t enjoy himself very much because he was so worried that he wouldn’t get any eggs at this one either.

He didn’t need to worry, though. There were PLENTY of eggs to go around (if you think a “hunt” should consist of picking up an egg every foot, then this would’ve been the hunt for you) and we only stopped when both kids were completely out of room.

We dyed eggs (only 9–I wasn’t that ambitious with Jeff out of town), which, of course, the kids loved.

The Easter Bunny brought some fun things, these being my favorite (I just can’t get enough of Allie saying, “Pablo, Tyrone”–these are the Backyardigans, if you don’t know, and my kids love them)

We had a short egg hunt Sunday morning, but it was cut short by the chilly temperatures and the two wet labs that came out of nowhere and knocked both kids down, spilling their eggs all over. I did manage to have the kids pose for a picture before church. That wasn’t easy, considering all the sugar in their blood that was demanding that they never hold still again.

It was really a fun Easter and we had some good FHE lessons about the resurrection. I’m not sure if they did much more than make Damon even more anxious about death, despite my many attempts to be positive, but we did our best. Okay, so there’s Easter in a nutshell.
And now a word about ALlie. Besides the moisturizer story I already wrote about, she has found many, many ways to keep me on my toes. One night, during family prayer, she decided she didn’t want to be a part of the family. This is where I found her.

I also found her putting my mascara on herself in my bathroom, have pulled her out of a sink full of water more times than I like to count, and today, found a penny in her diaper. She insists on putting coins in her mouth (she took my purse in my room, closed the door behind her, took the coins out and put them all in her mouth) and when I reached in to get them out, she tipped her head back and obviously one slipped down her throat. My watch and Jeff’s wedding ring are missing, as Allie learned to pull out the drawers of the dresser to use as a stool to get whatever she needs from the top. She also has a sixth sense for finding my phone, taking pictures with it (or calling someone), and saying, “cute.” Oh yeah, I heard something at 4:00 am and found her taking the stool from the bathroom into her bedroom, trying to turn the lights on. And those are all things that have happened within the past three days or so. I love the girl, but honestly, how in the world am I going to keep up with her?

April 12--New Goal

Okay, I need to write about this goal of mine because it’s a big one and I’m going to need all the help of my blogger world to keep me going on it. This comes from my reading of Parenting with Love and Logic and it is: I am not going to give my kids an emotional response when they do something wrong. Apparently, the emotional response (anger, etc) is enough to encourage some negative behavior and it’s important to always remain calm so that the child will learn from the situation and not my response.

Sound easy? No, it does not, and believe me, it’s not easy. And my kids immediately have put my new resolve to the test. I found Damon in the bathroom with a sink full of water and water all over the floor. My immediate reaction was to yell at him and tell him to clean it up, but I was able to stop myself and tell him calmly that I expected it to be cleaned up before he went to bed (amazingly, it was). Then, he decided to take an hour long bath by himself last night, and again the floor was flooded and he used 3/4 of a new bottle of baby soap making bubbles (I couldn’t really blame him for that, because I had given him the soap so he could be responsible for washing his own hair and body…next time I will have to do something differently). Again, I didn’t freak out, but asked him what his plan was for getting all the water cleaned up. He did get it cleaned up and even took the wet towels out to be washed. Now we need to have a calm discussion about why I try to keep water off the floor and hope that he understands.
Allie, too, decided to put me to the test. She found a way to get my face moisturizer open and managed to empty the bottle on her body and the carpet. She was so excited about it, too, and I wanted to react in a negative way (freak out). But I managed to keep it together and get her in the shower where she could wash herself off (she didn’t want to get out). I probably should’ve had her help me clean it up off the carpet when she got out, but I didn’t. I’m not exactly sure how to handle the situation now, though, because of course it’s going to happen again. The girl loves lotion and I want to encourage her to always stay moisturized.

The point is, though, that I realize that I freak out way too much when my kids do something that I don’t like and I am going to try to change that. I am sure I will fail from time to time (hopefully less than 50%, though), but I am really going to take some of the things I learned in the book and try to be a better mom. I think my kids deserve it.

Finally, some quotes from today.

“It’s not working.”Allie, laying in bed with me this morning and trying to snuggle. She always tries to get past the belly and always fails.

“The people who come out of President Hinckley’s wife, that’s their dad.”Damon, on the way to story time. I have NO idea what was going on in that little head of his to bring this on, but it made me smile. Doesn’t he have a great grasp of grammar, too?

April 11--American Idol Anyone?

I’m not sure where my camera is. It was in my purse because I thought I might want to take pictures at the park yesterday, but it’s not there now that I’m looking for it. I’m sure it’s around, but that is why I haven’t uploaded pictures yet. I will–just as soon as I can get myself up off this chair and down on the ground to start looking for it (I have a feeling that is where I will find it, because Allie woke me up this morning by bringing me a few things she took out of my wallet).

In the meantime, I have a few thoughts on American Idol. I have withheld until now, but since my regularly planned post is being postponed, I will write a few of them down. Mostly I haven’t written about it because I truly don’t know how I feel about it. I always look forward to watching it and usually there is something (or someone) that I really love, but I just haven’t gotten as excited about it as I have been in the past. And there’s no one I am consistently rooting for, which makes things a little strange. My thoughts are everywhere, so I’m going to go to the list format to get them out.

#1-I miss Gina. I didn’t think that I would, and I really didn’t like watching her cry so much, but it just wasn’t the same last night without her. One of the highlights for me this year was her version of “I’ll Stand by You,” which was awesome.
#2-I really couldn’t care less about all this Sanjay hoopla. Last week there were thousands of posts on yahoo about how keeping him on the show is turning AI into a joke and a laughingstock. I wondered if the show was really suffering and you might be surprised to find out that it is still the #1 show in the country, averaging about 30 million viewers a week. Also, there are shows in the top 10 that don’t get 15 million viewers a week, so it’s not only doing fine, it’s far from falling. I may have felt differently (outraged?) about Sanjaya if this were the first time it had happened on the show. But it’s not. It happens almost every season, starting with Nikki outlasting Tamyra in season 1. Look, Sanjaya is not going to win. And everyone who has gone home before him wasn’t/isn’t going to win either, so it doesn’t really matter when he finally exits. Now, if somehow votefortheworst.com managed to get him crowned THE American Idol, that would be reason to complain. Until then, let everyone have their fun and leave the poor kid alone.
#3-Melinda Doolittle. Have we ever seen a better person, someone you’d want to be friends with in a heartbeat, on the show? No. Is she the least bit attractive? No. Can you honestly see her winning it all, even with her likeability and her amazing voice? I don’t know. Honestly. Some weeks I love her (W-O-M-A-N comes to mind) and some weeks I find her a little too old fashioned for my liking. But how can you do anything but root for her?
#4-Blake. He’s impressed me, especially last night. Everything Chris does, Blake does better. Chris makes a song contemporary, Blake does it better. Chris is sexy, Blake is sexier. I really am liking him more and more every week.
#5-Keep a hat on Phil all the time. Is it because his eyebrows are so thick that he looks so funny? I really like his voice, and he is the hometown guy, but he’s just not attractive, and his assortment of hats has helped to mask that.
#6-Paula has not been nearly as drunk as I have come to expect. In a way, it’s good, because I don’t cringe every time she’s about to talk, but it’s also taken away some of the funnier moments of the show.
#7-Haley is lucky there’s no one very pretty on the show. I mean, how long would she have lasted last year competing against Katharine’s looks and voice?
#8-I don’t think Lakisha is as good as everyone else seems to think she is. There’s no denying the girl can sing, but sometimes her tone is very abrasive and she sort of sings with that lisp of hers. I like her, but I definitely don’t think she should win.
#9-Compared with season 1 when Ryan had the fake-bake look and the blonde highlights, I have to say, I think he looks a lot better this year. Plus, he’s not wearing those silly t-shirt/suit jacket combos anymore, which always helps. I’m still not sold on the skinny tie, but I think his banter with the judges, particularly Simon, has gotten very witty.
#10-What was Gwen Stefani doing as a guest on the show? Did she seem to have anything to offer, other than another horrible outfit that I hope goes out of style very quickly? That was pretty pathetic. And I was also bugged that Tony Bennett didn’t perform. Now, though, after J-Lo, I’m wondering who is going to be the next guest? Hilary Duff? Seriously, are these the best people we can find to guide our contestants?
#11-I don’t like Gloria Estefan and I don’t like her music much more. So, needless to say, last night was not my favorite night of songs. My favorite from last night was Blake, and I’m very glad we’re a couple years removed from the radio’s overkilling of that song.
#12-At this point, my favorite in the competition is Jordin (If We Hold On and I Who Have Nothing) were two of my favorites so far this season. But do I think a 17-year old kid is going to win? Especially one who seems to be as goofy as she is? Not really.
Basically, I am at a loss for how this season is going to wind up. Anything can happen and I think that’s part of the fun. We’ll see who really steps it up, and you know I’ll be watching intently each week to find out. Who’s your pick?

April 9

More on Easter to come soon. First, a couple more quotes from the kids (they just keep rolling in).“I want more Hosanna, mom.”Allie, asking for more lasagna. Apparently she has been paying attention when we go to choir.
“Mom, I can’t get the candies in Allie’s puppet!”Damon, trying to load a Pez dispenser.
“Can I have a cardboard egg?”Damon, asking for a hard-boiled egg.
“Medicine for Bexley.”Allie, applying frosting from her cupcake to her doll, Bexley’s, body. She had just seen Tyson’s medicine, first on his bottom and then in his bag, which obviously reminded her that her doll was in need of a rub.
“I think I need contacts.”Damon, this morning, as he rubbed his eyes. He said his eyes hurt and he thinks contacts would help.

And now, a survey I was sent in my email, just for fun.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?middle name, Karen, after my mom.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?on Saturday, watching the end of Mr. Holland’s Opus on tv. If Jeff noticed, he didn’t say anything.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITINGnot particularly
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?turkey
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?Yes - 2, will be 3 in 7 weeks (and our one in heaven)
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?Absolutely. I’m a very loyal friend.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?Not as much as I used to–the kids just don’t get it.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILSYes, and they are very large.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?Maybe. If I was on The Amazing Race I would.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?Lucky Charms or Cinnamon Life
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?I had to think about that for a while–I’m not sure.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?Yes, but not right now that I am hauling my pregnant body around.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?That’s like asking what my favorite song is–it depends on my mood. But I would choose ice cream over ALMOST every other dessert. I think I get that from my dad.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?Smile, often followed by how straight their teeth are. Aren’t I a great orthodontist’s wife?
15. RED OR PINK?not much for either
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?I wish I were more assertive and didn’t get nervous every time I have to call someone on the phone.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?my mom–I wish we lived closer.
18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?denim overalls, no shoes.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?an Easter cupcake with green coconut and jelly beans on top
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?The tv is on in the other room, but I can’t hear it above my clickety clackety typing.
22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?Azure. That’s just a really cool word.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?baking bread when we get home from church
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?a repair guy at Toyota (Mike, I think)
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?basketball, then football
27. HAIR COLOR?brown, and getting darker every year
28. EYE COLOR?brown, and getting lighter every year
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?yes
30. FAVORITE FOOD?steak
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?Happy endings
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?Lady in the Water on dvd. More than a little weird.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?striped, multi-colored
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?I usually say summer, but not after we moved here to Jacksonville.
35. HUGS OR KISSES?hugs
36. FAVORITE DESSERT?ice cream, almost anything my mom makes
37. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?I just finished The Persian Pickle Club and am still reading Parenting with Love and Logic and Hattie Big Sky.
38. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?no mouse pad
39. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?Nature–good old Sunday night activity. Actually, I read my parenting book while Damon and Allie crawled all over me, trying to watch nature.
40. FAVORITE SOUND?my kids playing together on the beach as the waves crash around us–amazing!
41. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?Beatles
42. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?Living, here in Florida. Visiting, probably Hawaii.
43. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?playing the piano, but I don’t know how special that is. I wish I could say something cool like martial arts or painting.
44. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?Beaver, UT
45. BEST PART ABOUT EASTER?Having an excuse to get together as a family. Even if “family” means only Greg and Noel.
I thought there should be 50 questions on the survey, but I can’t think of anything else interesting to add. Look for Easter pics soon!!

April 5

I thought it might be fun for a fresh new look for spring (although it’s been so hot here the last few days that it has started reminding me that summer is coming!). I hear Allie crying in the other room, no doubt Damon has done something to make her cry, so I will make this quick. This is a short list of songs Damon has asked to listen to on the way to/from preschool (the time he gets to choose what we listen to).
1. Jesus, Take the Wheel. I guess he has forgiven Jesus for not being so nice.
2. Before He Cheats. We’ve also had many discussions about how it’s not okay to trash someone’s car when they cheat on you. And we’ve had many discussions about what it means to cheat (finally today he said, “At the end of the song, is he done kissing the other girl?”).
3. Starts With Good-bye. This comes directly after Before He Cheats on Carrie Underwood’s cd, so he has started to get attached. Although, I believe the words he used when asking for this one were, “I want the one that starts low and then gets high.” It’s one of my favorites, too.
4. “Strawberry Shortcake” (aka Strawberry Wine). I told him once that I loved this song and he hasn’t seemed to forget it. He even knows what cd it’s on (the one with the pokey things that are red and yellow).
5. Bad Day. In fact, Allie asked for this one today.
6. (note: these next songs are from the musical, Wicked, and I can’t begin to count the number of times we’ve listened to them). “Boo, Ahh.” (What is This Feeling?)
7. Popular.
8. “Emerald City” (One Short Day)
9. “Fiyero!” (No Good Deed)
10. Witchhunters
11. “Flying off the Handle” (Defying Gravity)
12. “Wicked” (No one Mourns the Wicked)
13. “Short Wicked” (Wicked Reprise)
14. “My Favorite Song.” This is usually on Sundays and either means “Praise to the Man” or “Come, Come Ye Saints”

April 3

Here are a couple family pictures to enjoy. This one is from about a month ago and believe me, I can’t squeeze myself into those pants any more.

This one is from a couple weeks ago at St. Augustine. My mom said she wasn’t crazy about my cleavage but that makes one of us. I have such a small chest most of the time that I don’t have any problem flaunting my pregnancy-induced goods.

Also, one more quote from Damon because he said it while I was sitting here.“That’s my mom’s breast thing,” to his friend, Dalton, after finding my bra on the back of the door.
P.S. Bummer of a game last night–we are generally so agitated to being bested by the Gators that our indifference toward them has blossomed into a bitter dislike (near to “unadulterated loathing”). That’s a mouthful, I know, but it’s much better than saying, “I hate the Gators!!”

April 2

A couple of quotes:
” ‘Jesus, take the wheel,’ that’s not very nice of Jesus.”Damon to my sister, Tara
“Mom, can I have some more throw-up?”Damon, to me. My nephew was standing up against the table where Damon was eating breakfast and spit up just as Damon was finishing his bowl. He tried to ask for more cereal, but must have had throw-up on the brain, because that’s what he asked for, completely serious.
“That IS a big mutha!”My mom, to Tara and me. My brothers were scooping up the dozens of jellyfish at the beach and putting them in a pile. Tara commented that the big one was the mother, and my mom busted out with this. We couldn’t stop laughing.
“Careful!”Allie, to herself, after she had fallen off the couch.
“Look at me, I’m a dental student.”Damon, to me, after clipping a mechanical pencil to his shirt. Jeff’s scrub tops have a place to clip pens in, and apparently Damon has taken notice and likes the idea. I think someone needs to tell Damon that we’re on to ortho school now, though.
Kind of random to post those, I know, but I didn’t want to forget about them, so there they are. Even though my family has been gone for almost two weeks, the germs they left are still lingering. Both kids caught the bug (I think an incredibly annoying cold) and were sick for a week. I started feeling sick on Thursday (sore throat) and I feel almost exactly the same today, four days later. My kids are both still hacking, leaving me to believe that I’ll be coughing soon and not entirely better for some time. Dang.
Conference weekend was great and I am happy to say that I didn’t sleep through any of it. Admittedly, Jeff got up with the kids on Saturday and Sunday mornings, but still…
Who would’ve thought that we’d be having an Ohio State/Florida rematch for the national championship tonight? I have a feeling that we’re going to get spanked again, but you never know. Go Bucks!
One other thing on my mind. I started reading Parenting with Love and Logic (a couple of my friends have talked about it recently) and so it’s really been on my mind. One of the main premises of the book is letting kids make choices so that they can learn from their mistakes (not necessarily putting them in situations in which we know they will fail, but not rescuing them from solving their own problems). So, just today I have a couple of examples of things that I have done differently keeping the goal of creating responsible children in mind.#1-Damon loves scotch tape. He’s always asking for some for his “parties.” When he used all that I had, I told him that he could buy his own and do whatever he wanted with it. Last week he bought a roll and promptly used the whole thing hanging “party papers” on his wall. Today, he wanted to buy another roll (he does have his own money–he gets 50 cents a week in nickels and has to give Allie a nickel every time he is mean to her. Some weeks are good and he’ll end up with 5 or 6 nickels and some weeks are bad and he runs out almost immediately. Then he has to give me money he has already saved in his bank) and I told him it would cost one dollar for a small roll or two dollars for a big roll. He chose the big roll, promised to give me two dollars from his bank, and I bought it for him. Now, I was just about to launch into a lecture about how he needs to be careful about the things he uses the tape for because it will be gone as quickly as the roll he bought last week, but I didn’t. One of the things the book talks about is not telling your child what lesson he is learning, but instead, to let them learn it. Instead, I told him that because it’s his tape he can do whatever he wants with it. He can choose to use it sparingly or he can use it all at once, but that it’s really his choice. Who knows what he will choose to do, but at least he has some power over his own life.#2-Yesterday I was trying to get dinner on the table (Jeff had invited someone over) and Damon wanted to pour himself a glass of lemonade. I had the table set and he climbed on top and poured the lemonade without turning the lid of the pitcher to the open position. Well, you can imagine what happened after that–nearly half of the lemonade ended up on the table, which I had just finished setting, and the floor. I was so frustrated and got mad at him while we were cleaning it up, because I could see the whole thing happening. I was running (as fast as I can run in my condition) toward him yelling, “wait!” when the lid finally popped off. And so I was yelling at him, asking him why he didn’t stop when he first heard me say it, to which he said, “I wanted some lemonade.” Well, to make a long story short, we got the lemonade cleaned up and rinsed the plates off so we could have dinner. Sadly, I kind of forgot about the incident until I was reading the book again last night and realized that I didn’t handle the situation very well at all. Not only did I lose my temper, but I also didn’t even teach him why it had happened. And so, bearing this in mind, I got the lemonade out again today for lunch. Calmly, I explained how the lid needs to be turned a certain way so that it won’t make a big mess and let him try it. I also apologized for getting mad and told him that I should’ve handled it differently.
I don’t know if either of these things will make a difference in the long run, but I definitely want to do all that I can to help my children be responsible. Mostly, I have just found it so interesting how situations have already popped up in which I need to evaluate how I’m going to react. Also, I realize that I have A LOT I need to work on to be a good mom. Dang again.

From April 1st

So, Jeff has decided that we’re not getting a dog. At least any time soon. This comes as a bit of a relief to me, because the last time we came close to getting a dog was right before Allie was born. Jeff thought that it might be good for Damon to have something to be excited about so he wouldn’t feel so neglected when the baby came. But as the one who has to stay home and take care of everyone (and everything), I wasn’t thrilled with the timing. And so we decided to wait. Recently, Jeff has been getting the itch again, and we even took a trip to the pound to see what kinds of dogs are in need of a home. But for one reason or another (mostly, to be perfectly honest, it’s because the kind of dog we wanted, a bulldog, is just way too expensive), we’ve never followed through on our intentions. Now, it looks like we won’t be getting one while we’re here in Florida and I can’t say that I have shed any tears about it.

Greg and Noel left town for a vacation and we brought their dog, Vegas, over to our house so she wouldn’t have to be alone. But of course, the day Jeff brought her over, she had a swollen eye that only got worse. Jeff had to take her to the vet and start antibiotics and drops. For over a week we’ve had to jam pills down her throat and hold her still while we rub medicine on her eye. It has been enough to push Jeff over the edge (although I think I went above and beyond by giving Vegas her pill in the morning), and he claims that we’re not getting a dog. Maybe I should be more disappointed, but I’m not. I do think that some day we will have a dog, especially because both of our kids really want one and were so excited to have Vegas here, but I’m glad that, for now, we are going to focus on our babies. And quiet, contained things like fish and lizards.

Artist

I wanted to post this picture last Friday, when it was taken, but for some reason, it wasn't working. This is last week's "arts and crafts" and how can you not love that smile?

Remembering

Today, Damon and I spent another Friday afternoon doing "arts and crafts." I banned the paints, so mostly we were coloring, cutting and gluing, but I think he was still satisfied with the experience. He really wanted me to watch him, which made it hard to do the things I wanted to to, but I finally gave in and sat down next to him. We were working on a book of "community helpers" he got from preschool, coloring the different pages, and as we took turns coloring, I had this vague flash of memory come to me. I remember coloring in a Minnie Mouse coloring book with my mom, amazed at how well she stayed between the lines. I even remember outlining my own pages, trying to cover up the mistakes I had made. Kind of random, but that's the way my memory of my childhood is.

I wish I could remember more from when I was younger. In school, we had to write a paper about how we learned to read (to help us understand how to help children learn to read) and I had a difficult time really remembering what it was like to be five. I know a lot of us are like that, that we don't recall a lot of what happened when we were young, but I wish I had a better recollection of my life back then. All I really have are bits and pieces, and I'm sure some of the things I think I remember are really stories I've heard or family movies I've seen. Here are some things I know I remember:

• Going along with the whole reading theme, the phonics system in kindergarten with "Block A, Beating heart, cracking nut, etc." Does anyone else remember that?
• Burning my leg at the neighbor's house and setting a towel on fire in their kitchen (pre-kindergarten).
• Singing "Kindergarten's over and we are going home. Good-bye, good-bye and we are going home."
• Getting in trouble in first grade for walking while trying out a pair of scissors.
• Getting in trouble for having a toothbrush in my pocket (we had been visited by an orthodontist in the morning and it fell out). First grade.
• Thinking it was crazy in music to sing "Fa-a long long way to run" instead of "far-a long long way to run." Second grade.
• A boy in my class peeking through the window that was the belly "the old lady who swallowed a fly" and getting in trouble for it. Second grade.
• My memories start to get better around this time, but one clear memory from third grade is fixing the grammatical errors in the sentence "I hear my neighbor eating ice cream."

I was thinking about this, because there is a very good possibility that Damon will not remember much, if anything, from Ohio and Florida. That makes me sad, because it is his life and there are so many things that I know I'll remember. I guess I'll just have to do my best to share with him the things that are important so that, even if he doesn't remember, at least he'll care.

Laundry woes

There are very few things that I dislike about our house here in Florida, as it is a major upgrade from our condo in Ohio. Having an extra bedroom is great, the bigger kitchen is wonderful, and the dining room, while very impractical in a house of this size, is nice. If there is one thing, though, that I don't like about where we live, it would have to be the garage. I'm sure you're thinking that it's a little strange for a woman to be complaining about the size of the garage, but there is a good reason behind it; that's where we have the washer and dryer.

Our garage is technically built for two cars, but I don't know if two cars have ever actually fit in it. Plus, Damon's bike, the stroller, the lawnmower and other essentials take up the space that the second car would occupy and it's not that big of a deal parking outside here. And even with only the van in the garage, there is barely enough room, length-wise. I can get by, either around the front or around the back, depending on which side has more room, but just barely. And that brings me back to my original thought, which was that the washer and dryer are in the garage and I can barely get around the van with nothing in my hands, much less a basket of clean (or dirty) clothes. It's really been quite humorous to find ways to get past the van, especially when the dirty clothes are spilling out in every direction, which they usually are because I don't do the laundry often enough. I have set the basket the hood of the van, balancing it gently on the slope, and have dashed around behind, hoping that nothing has tipped when I reach the other side. It's a chance I take that has ended badly.

Today, though, I got smart. I parked the van in the driveway, leaving myself the entire garage for traipsing through as I haul my three+ loads out and in. Damon thought it was great, too, and rode his bike around in all the vacated space. I'm just disappointed that it took me this long to figure out the easy solution to my problem. Someday, when we have an actual laundry room and I don't have to worry about things like "the car being in the way," I will probably look back and miss the adventures I've had here. Most likely, I won't, but you never know.

Deep in the Heart

So, today when I gave Allie a piece of cheese to eat, it was just your average rectangle. When I found it on the floor ten minutes later, it looked like this:



Does it not look like Texas? Personally, I have never been to Texas, but we do have strong family ties to the Lone Star State. My grandmother was raised there as were Jeff's grandparents. All three grandparents have passed on and Allie didn't have the opportunity of meeting any of them, so I like to think this is her way of staying connected. I know, I know, it's just cheese. But it still made me smile.

Pool day

Well, I don't know if there's something wrong with Blogger, or something wrong with my computer, or, heaven forbid, something wrong with me, but I have had a heck of a time trying to post both yesterday and today. This is my third attempt to get these pictures from the pool today up and it will be my last (at least today). Fun looking pool, huh?


I know it may be hard to believe that we're still swimming in October, but remember, this is Florida. We hope to make it through the month still swimming. We'll see how that goes. Here's a brief synopsis of our pool trip this morning:

• Damon cried for at least thirty minutes because he thought the water was too cold. Once he got in, he loved it. All he needed was a little push (literally). He and Isaac jumped into the pool and raced from side to side from the "monster" (a little girl there).

• Allie didn't get to go on the slide, her usual favorite activity, because the water was too cold. Not for the kids, just for me. Instead, she had to occupy her time with her next favorite activity--climbing in and out of the pool via the edge. She only went under once, which I was impressed by.

• Allie and Ethan were ready to get out before the rest of the kids.

Well, so far, so good. I got all the pictures on that I wanted to post. I better hurry and go before something goes wrong. We're lucky we're still swimming in October!

Here the boys are posing before plunging into the water.

Curdled Milk

There are a couple of things that would prevent me from being truly successful on Fear Factor. Well, first off, there are a couple of things that would prevent me from being chosen to be on Fear Factor--I have no chest to speak of and I wouldn't wear a tiny top. I guess I don't have to think about it anymore, but I have. I have had a fear of water, which means if I ended up on the show, I would probably be chained inside a box under water, trying desperately to unolck myself before panic set in, and chances are, I would be one of the girls Jeff makes fun of and can't last more than 30 seconds without quitting.

However, there is something else that would prevent me from even trying, and it's not the Madagascar hissing roaches or the pig's blood or cow's intestines. Maybe because I've never had to deal with any of them, but I think I could do it if it meant $100,000. No, the one thing that would stop me in my tracks is the curdled milk.

How many times have we as mothers found a sippy cup of old milk hiding under the table, under the bed, or in the toy drawer? And how many times have we opened the cup under running water, only to have everyone in the room ask "what's that smell?" Unfortunately, this happens far too often and it's one of the most unpleasant "mom jobs" I can think of, and that includes changing poopie diapers.

Now, lest you think I have something against milk in general, let me set the record straight. I love milk, but there are certain rules that must be followed when drinking milk.

1. It must always be cold. If you've ever taken a sip of warm milk and have spit it right back out, I am with you. When we were younger, Heather and I used to drink milk out of aluminum bowls and measuring cups because it made it that much colder.
2. Skim milk must never be allowed. 1% is pushing it, but skim is nothing but glorified water. You can practically see through it when you pour it into a glass. Also, putting ice into milk to cool it off is only allowable if you're drinking whole milk, and then should only happen in extreme circumstances.
3. You don't have to drink bottom milk. For those of you who don't know about bottom milk, the defintion is "milk in the bottom half-inch of the gallon that has absorbed the flavor of the rest of the fridge and is no longer classified as milk."
4. Mixing of milk is no longer allowed. At least that's what Jeff told me. When we were trying to be healthier, we were drinking 1% (suffering through it, but making it) and I would buy 2% and skim at Aldi and mix my own 1% (thus not violating rule #2). Once we got here to Florida, I was banned from that practice. Milk spoils faster here, with 1% and skim being the quickest to take on unwanted flavors, and I ruined a couple perfectly fine gallons with my mixing. Now we're back to 2% after Jeff admitted he hates 1%. And now you know that I don't blame him.

All of this is on my mind as I found two sippy cups with chunky, curdled milk in them today. I have gotten better at the practice of breathing through my mouth while rinsing them in hot water, but I still gag just thinking about it. And that is what will definitely keep me off of Fear Factor.